Love Again: Reading The Texts Of A Deadman

Summary

A music journalist, played by Sam Heughan, finds himself in possession of a phone that is receiving texts from an unknown number, little does he know that he will end up falling in love with the mystery sender, played by Priyanka Chopra.

This film was strange, in many senses this misjudged a lot of things. Most noticeably was the tone, there are things in this film that are big deals like the male lead using the texts send to him unknowingly by the female lead, who thinks she is sending them to her dead ex, to track her down and pursue her, but rather than treat this as the red flag it is it is instead set up as a quirky meet-cute.

Moreover, Sam Heughan was entirely miscast with the film wanting more of a bumbling Hugh Grant sort but instead has a brooding and quite intense lead that doesn’t meet any of the boyish playfulness his role is clearly written to have. Additionally, the romantic chemistry between Chopra and Heughan is fairly non-existent.

Don’t even get me started on how much this film goes out of its way to plug Celine Deon, who no doubt Sony owns the rights to her music catalogue, it was off putting and made me feel like I was watching an advert rather than a film.

The film is passably watchable in a pinch and I did think the sequence in which Chopra’s real life husband Nick Jonas showed up was quite funny. Jonas shone in his little cameo role and it really was a shame he didn’t get more time or a bigger part as his character was far more interesting that Heughan’s.

Overall, Jonas is good for a laugh and it is passable if fairly generic and forgettable.

2/5

Pros.

It was passable

Jonas was funny in his brief cameo

Cons.

The leads have no chemistry

Heughan was miscast

It is generic

The tone is off

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Robots: Jack Whitehall The Rom-Com Leading Man

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

In a near future wherein people can have robotic doubles a pair of low lives use their doubles for depraved means only to have them then run off together and the low lives have to go and chase them down.

Whilst perhaps not the most original, I found there to be a lot of charm to this film. As it progressed I found myself caring more and more about the characters and the world itself.

The romantic pairing of Jack Whitehall and Shailene Woodley works surprisingly well and the two have great chemistry and by the end do feel like a believable couple. I never really viewed Whitehall as a rom-com leading man before but I have to say this film sold me on it.

I thought the comedy here was fairly hit or miss, there were a few jokes that hit hard and landed but also a lot of others that missed the mark. However the gaps in humour were more than made up for with the heart of the film which is big and quite effecting. By the end of the film I fully cared about the robots and wanted them to have a happy ending.

Overall, a sweet rom-com and a promising new career path for Whitehall.

4/5

Pros.

It is sweet

It is funny

Woodley and Whitehall have good chemistry

You care about the characters

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She Is Love: An Art House Rom-Com In All The Worst Ways

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A woman, played by Haley Bennett, traveling for business ends up staying at her ex-husband’s hotel.

So I will give this film props for trying to do something new with the standard rom-com formula, it does try and subvert some of the obvious cliches and that is to be applauded. However, instead of presenting tired and worn cliches the film instead encompasses a bunch of pretentious art house tosh that makes little to no sense and will leave you scratching your head.

The relationship held between the romantic leads, played by Bennett and Sam Riley, is deeply toxic, though I suppose that is sort of the point of the film. Yet you never really get to understand the ins and outs of it all as the conversations and wider narrative of the film seems to want to jump between things rapidly. The effect of this jumping around is disorientating and off putting.

Overall, though it tries to do something new this film falls headfirst into the well of pretentious art house nonsense.

1.5/5

Pros.

It is short

Bennett is trying.

Cons.

It makes little narrative sense

It is pretentious

The leads have no chemistry at all

It manages to have pacing issues despite being fairly short

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The Other Woman: This Is Why Cameron Diaz Needed To Retire

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A pair of women, played by Cameron Diaz and Leslie Maan, find out that they have been cheated on and so team up to try and take down their ex, played by Nikolaj Coster-Waldau.

When considering films like this you can see why Cameron Diaz retired. If her return in years to come leads to more films like this being made than the landscape as a whole will be a worse place for it.

There was nothing of any charm of warmth about this film. If anything there were lines so unpleasant and off putting that I almost turned it off. Take if you will a scene in which Diaz’s character is talking to her assistant, played by a robotic Nicki Minaj, wherein they talk about there being no issue with Diaz sleeping with married men so long as she can ‘take them’. Now, before you say it, yes this attitude has been in many male driven rom-coms before so isn’t anything new, and this is at the start of the film wherein the character still needs to work on themselves, however, whether it was a man or a woman saying this it is still a dick move. The whole conversation, which is fairly early on, doesn’t do anything to make you like Diaz’s character really quite the opposite.

Moreover, the film tries to cut a feminist silhouette of having the women realising they should be helping and uplifting each other rather than fighting over a man, which is a good message. Although it is quickly undercut as Diaz’s character just begins a new romance, which then makes the idea of her not needing a man to be happy, which the film really tries to run with, feeling hollow. I think the film would have been better if after defeating the ex Diaz’s character ended the film single but open to the idea of trusting a man again. That would feel more true to me at least.

Overall, this film wasn’t enjoyable to watch at all and at times felt like it was forcing my hand to the off button, and I like rom-coms.

0/5

Pros.

None

Con.

Diaz is unlikeable

It is contrived and overly familiar

It tires to land a feminist message but is way off course

The ending contrasts the whole point of the film

Nicki Minaj can’t act and shouldn’t be given any roles in the future.

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Rye Lane: Finding Love In Modern Britain

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Two recently dumped individuals, played by Vivian Oparah and David Jonsson, meet randomly one day and find that they have a connection.

This isn’t a new film, the idea has been done in hundreds of films before especially within British rom-coms. However what this film does is update some of the older tired cliches and to produce something modern to a reasonable effect.

I don’t think this film reinvents the form but it is a nice wholesome watch. Jonsson and Oparah have great chemistry and both are charming in different ways. The way their characters interact with each other on screen instantly makes you root for them and want them to be together, this is helped by the fact that for once the relationship shown to us in a rom-com doesn’t seem incredibly toxic.

I also liked some of the more surreal shot choices and story telling frames this film used, it was a nice break from the genre but also from within the film itself it helped to shake things up and keep them fresh,

My highlight of the film was the Colin Firth cameo as the burrito chef, which I thought was hilarious and well placed. It was nice to see a genre mainstay like Firth show up for a film like this and give his blessing to a new generation, it rooted the film so easily within this very British tradition and created an unforgettable moment.

Overall, a nice happy watch but not one that will blow you away.

3.5/5

Pros.

The leads have good chemistry

It is fun

It makes you care about the characters

The Colin Firth cameo

Cons.

It is very familiar

The conflict towards the end of the film feels forced in rather than organic to the story

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What’s Love Got To Do With It?

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A documentary filmmaker, played by Lilly James, makes a film about her childhood friend’s, played by Shazad Latif, arranged marriage.

The romantic set-up in this film is incredibly obvious to the point where it crosses over into cliché, everyone knows going in that James’s character is going to fall for Latif’s that is part of the unspoken agreement of the film. However, what isn’t known is that this film is worlds away from other rom-coms such as Love Actually, Crazy Rich Asians, Boxing Day etc by the fact that it is not a comedy at all.

I would argue that this film is not a rom-com, more so a romantic drama film with a schmaltzy ending that tries to undo a lot of its more depressing aspects but doesn’t really come anywhere near close enough. This film is depressing at times manically so, and that really is its greatest fault. Whether it is Lilly James saying how all the Disney princesses were depressed, her incredibly toxic relationship with her mum, played by Emma Thompson, or the fact that the arranged marriage actually happens although you knowing the genre think it won’t, this film knows how to upset you. There were multiple moments in the film where I found myself wanting to leave as it was so depressing I was no longer having fun at the cinema.

I think the great bane of this film is that despite James and Latif giving reasonably serviceable performances this rom-com lacks any kind of warmth or charm at all and that makes the film off-putting.

Overall, this film does the one thing a rom-com never should do, be depressing.

1/5

Pros.

James and Latif try their best to save this film

Cons.

It is depressing

It is not by any means a fun watch

The ending feels like it is over compensating

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Maybe I Do: The Rom-Com Genre Is As Toxic As Ever

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Yet another toxic rom-com in which a group of once loved actors trade away their remaining industry respect for an easy pay check.

Honestly this film has one of the most toxic plot lines I have ever seen. Emma Robert’s character thinks she can pressure her boyfriend, played by Luke Bracey, into marrying her by saying if he won’t then they will break up. What makes this more troubling is that her character’s mum, played by Diana Keaton, thinks that this is a totally fine thing to do as well. For what it is worth it is not a normal thing to do, you shouldn’t pressure your partner into doing what you want before they are ready and marriage isn’t the be all and end all that this film seems to think it is but hey.

Really you shouldn’t expect very much from a film that has such clunky lines of dialogue as this is my heart and this is my brain, whilst holding the character’s significant other’s hand over these areas. To say it is cringe is both an understatement and well as giving this film too much credit, the writing is just so subpar that it becomes impossibly not to notice bad.

Overall, avoid this at all costs and Michael Jacobs should probably never write anything ever again and hope that one day he lives down the shame of this film.

1/5

Pros.

It is short

Cons.

It has a bad message

It has deeply unlikeable characters

The romance is troublesome

It is tedious and generic

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Your Place Or Mine: If Only This Could Be What Life Was Like, Charmed Doesn’t Begin To Cover It

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Debbie, played by Reese Witherspoon, and Peter, played by Ashton Kutcher, have been friends for multiple decades but are only just now realising that they want to be with each other romantically.

In many senses this is a safe choice, it is a bog standard rom-com, nothing more nothing less. If that is enough for you then great, but don’t go in expecting anything that is going to change the game or be in any way remotely new or fresh.

I thought both Witherspoon and Kutcher brought a level of charm and warmth to their respective roles, but at the same time you would expect that from two such genre pros. In regard to their romantic chemistry on-screen, there were some sparks there and at times I found myself believing it, but it never really came alive and struck me as authentic.

As it is a rom-com we have to ask the age old question of is it sexist? The answer to that is yes, however, it is not the most sexist rom-com I have ever seen. I am of course referring to the fact that Kutcher’s Peter is a fairly well put together chap, if a recovering addict and a bit lonely, whereas Witherspoon’s character is a stereotypical overly involved mum who lives through her kid, Lord knows they can’t break away from genre archetypes and try and give her a more nuanced role. No, no as she is a woman she is stuck in the obsessive mother role, in the end she is seen trying to branch out to new horizons and work in publishing, however, this is with the implication that Kutcher’s Peter helped her calm down and stop worrying so much about her kid. Yikes.

Overall, pretty much exactly what you would expect from a rom-com both for good and for bad.

2.5/5

Pros.

Witherspoon and Kutcher both give good performances and have a little chemistry

It is fairly well paced

It is very watchable

Cons.

It is sexist

It is fairly forgettable and generic

Some of the side characters are barely characters at all

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Shotgun Wedding: Get Those Divorce Papers Ready

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Tom, played by Josh Duhamel, and Darcy, played by Jenifer Lopez, have their wedding taken over by terrorists and must work together to try and overcome them.

This is watchable yet entirely forgettable. Honestly, this kind of action comedy is nothing new and has been done many times before. Sadly, in the long history of newly weds teaming up to take down armed bad guys this film isn’t high up on the list.

The main reason for this is because of how tame it is. In almost every regard this film feels like it is holding back, be it in the gore and the violence, the swearing or even in the relationship drama. No couple I have ever met interacts like these two, the way they talk and generally just are around each other feels off and oddly formal at times. It would be an understatement to say that Lopez and Duhamel have no chemistry if anything I wouldn’t be surprised if it comes out over the next few years that the two of them hated each other whilst making this.

Overall, this is the sort of lazy film that reminds you that Hollywood, in this case Amazon, think they can just serve audiences with any old trash and that we will just happily consume it. Well I for one will spit out this rancid meal and will call out Amazon for this, consumers deserve better.

1/5

Pros.

It is not offensively bad

Cons.

It is tedious

It didn’t need to be made

It has no charm

It is horribly paced

The leads are both awful

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Sweet Home Alabama: Evangelist Propaganda

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A New York based fashion designer, played by Reece Witherspoon, travels back home to yes you guessed it Alabama to try and get divorced from her husband, played by Josh Lucas, so she can marry her new beau, played by Patrick Dempsey.

I put this on as it is February, the month of rom-coms, and after looking up non-toxic rom-coms I was fairly sure this was going to be a wholesome classic. Deary me how wrong I was, this film like many others in the genre is quite hard to watch and teaches some pretty bad lessons. These include but are not limited to, hey kids you should leave your life and dream job so you can move back to your home town and get with your ex, if you have a romantic moment as a child with one of your friends that means they are your soulmate forever, and finally when acting out it is perfectly okay to out your LGBTQ+ friend to everyone in town. That’s a big yikes.

Moreover, as the film progresses not only does Witherspoon’s character become more and more unlikeable, but also you begin to question why she is doing what she is doing. Clearly her and her ex have problems, clearly they are badly suited to each other yet they end up together because the film wants them to as it perpetuates myths. In many senses it is plain to see that Witherspoon’s character would have been better off with Dempsey’s character yet the film doesn’t allow that to happen as it would rather push the cliched destiny angle and suggest that women should stay with their exs because you never know they might change.

Overall, watchable yet fairly troubling.

1.5/5

Pros.

It is watchable

It has a few funny moments

Cons.

It has some really poor messages

Witherspoon’s character is fairly unlikable

The central romance of the film doesn’t work on a number of levels

It has pacing issues