Final Destination Four: Cheap Tricks To Appease James Cameron

Death is at the races.

After the height of the franchise in the previous film we now get to the low point. This is easily the worst of the films.

I think for many people this was the worst of the franchise and shed a lot of fans. Certainly this one doesn’t try and do new things from a plot point of view and instead just adds in some cheap visual gimmicks, for a now dead format.

Whilst there were a few good deaths, such as the red neck in flames death, I thought for the most part they lacked some of the creativity of the previous films and felt a bit like a franchise film going through the motions. Moreover, whilst it was nice seeing the credits reference previous deaths from the other films, this would only go on to show how disappointing the deaths we get here are. Particularly the final death when the survivors just get ploughed into by a truck.

The survivors are also a lot more intensely dislikable herein, with the couples best friends being the worst of the lot, one is a brat and the other a creep and a cheat. I know we need to have side characters to not like so we can enjoy their gory deaths, but this felt like the film was taking things that bit too far in making them the worst.

Overall, this hurt the franchise in a number of key ways.

2.5/5

Pros.

Some good deaths

It is watchable

Some nostalgia plays land

Cons.

The characters are awful

It is gimmicky

The ending is terrible

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Final Destination Three: Oddly Prescient

Summary

Death is hanging out at a theme park this time around.

So this is my personal favourite Final Destination Film, whilst the ties to the previous films are less, and Bloodsworth doesn’t come back. I think Wren, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, is an incredibly relatable protagonist, and has a similar likeability to the Alex and Clear.

I also enjoyed the ‘There is someone walking behind you’ song and think that it should have become a franchise calling card ala Jeepers Creepers to me this song is more memorable and impactful than the log truck from the second film.

I also found the inciting incident, the rollercoaster going off the tracks to be particularly effecting, more so than the plane or pile up of the previous films. It put me off going on rollercoasters for a while when I first saw this film over a decade ago now.

The main negative I will say about this film is that it is more pervy, and whilst there is nothing wrong with a bit of nudity, the sun bed death felt quite over the top with its amount of nudity, and it feels very teenage boy aiming.

Overall, the best of the series but not without issues

4.5/5

Pros.

Wren

There is someone walking behind you

The inciting incident

The deaths

It tries to do new things

Cons.

It is needlessly pervy

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Final Destination Two: Ali Larter The Best Scream Queen

Summary

Death is back at it again.

So I have been rewatching the Final Destination films for Halloween and it has given me a new appreciation for the series broadly.

This film is definitely benefited by bringing back Ali Larter’s Clear and Tony Todd’s Bloodsworth and feeling very connected to the first film. As the series progresses that connection to the other films is a vital part of the series that helps it to feel like a bigger multiconnected thing. Personally I would have liked to have seen more people survive these films and then come back, as Clear does here, to tell the new lot how it works. I wanted a death fighting avengers esque team.

The deaths are broadly better than the first, the fence death and the glass death are both strong. I would say that Clear’s death, whilst somewhat heroic was a bit of a letdown, considering she is the one who got away, I would have kept her around, but if you had to kill her off she should have got one of the more impressive death scenes of the picture.

I note that this franchise introduced the log truck which a lot of people have latched onto, but for me it was not as memorable as some of the other moments from the series.

Overall, easily better than the first film, but not the best of the series.

4/5

Pros.

Bringing back old characters

The connections to the first film

The new deaths particularly the glass and fence deaths

The ending and the arm

Cons

Clear deserved better.

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Creepshow: Stephen King Doing An Ablest Impression Of A Disabled Person

Summary

A horror anthology that needs no introduction.

There is something wonderful about the styling and the tone of this film, in many ways it is a love letter to horror and seems like the sort of film that every horror fan can rally for. The aesthetic are very on point as the kids would say, the visual aspects one may say are better than the film itself.

You are presented with 5 horror tales which in and of themselves are a mixed bag, the opening feature about an old man back from the grave for his cake is not very good and is incredibly overly simplistic. However, the Ted Danson Leslie Nelisen story is genuinely chilling and features some great performances. As such one would say that less was more and that maybe 5 stories were too many.

I think there is a little bit too much reliance on the undead. This makes sense as the film was developed by and directed by George Romero, there are some stories such as the one with Stephen King that do move outside the territory of the undead but the vast majority of the tales feature some sort of undead returning to reap vengeance. It becomes repetitive.

Overall, the film has a great look, but the stories are hit and miss.

3/5

Pros.

The style

It is a love letter to horror

Danson and Neilsen

Cons.

The stories are hit and miss

The ending is a bit naff

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Conjuring Last Rites: The End Of An Era

Summary

The Warrens are back for one final adventure.

I want to state right away that as someone who knows about the Warren’s and their life this film bothered me, there was next to nothing from the actual account of the Smurl Haunting that happened here and the Warren’s did not retire from doing cases in the 80s.

That aside I would say that this is the second best Conjuring film overall behind only the second film. Mainly that is because the horror really works here, yes there are the usual jump scares, but the level of craziness than happens just elevates it and makes it seem like a true showdown unlike anything the Warren’s have faced before. Additionally, the ending as shmaltzy as it is works well, it is nice to see the Warren’s get their happy ending after teasing the death of one or both of them since the second film. I thought seeing all the characters from prior films in the church at the end was also a great little nod to the series and its history.

In many senses this feels like it could be the last Conjuring film, however, with the amount it made at the box office that seems incredibly unlikely now.

Overall, a good horror film and a rewarding film for fans of the franchise.

4.5/5

Pros.

The horror

The ending

More than just jump scares

It treats its characters with care

The sense of finality to it

Cons.

It is in no way based on a true anything

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Silent Hill: Tip Toe Through The Fog

Summary

A forgotten gem.

There is something so video gamey about this film, but that is actually a compliment. Now of course you can enjoy this film without having played the game with which it shares a name, the first time I saw it I had not played it. However, if you have played the game there is a lot to enjoy here, lots of little nods.

It is very early noughties in how it presents yet I find that quite charming, moreover, much like the games it draws very heavily on J-Horror and there are narrative elements that reflect this and which become apparent if you are a fan of those sort of films. The same can be said for the horror, which I found to be quite effective.

The only downside is that the acting isn’t very good giving this film a so bad it is good kind of quality, and if you like that then you’ll get a lot out of this film.

Overall, it is very much a videogame film in much the same way the Paul W.S Anderson Resident Evil films are and you’ll either love it or think it is naff.

3.5/5

Pros.

The scares

The J-Horror influence

The videogame nods

The story

Cons.

The acting is bad

The pacing needs work

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Salem’s Lot Original Version: Public Sex By A Lakeside Is All The Rage

Summary

The residents of Salem’s Lot find out that the trouble of being from a small town is all the damn vampires.

So this is an odd one in terms of my reviews, technically it was a TV series, but I saw it as one long film at a re-release, so it is both a TV review and also a film review.

This is a much better adaptation than the more recent Salem’s Lot film chiefly as it actually gives the characters time to become established before it starts killing them off. The greater effort in character work makes the deaths more impactful and makes the wider project more engaging.

As someone who has read the book and watched now both this and the newer version I can say that this has a worse ending than the film from last year, probably the only way in which that film is better. In last year’s effort the hero and his sidekick drive off into the sunset, possibly to fight more vampires, whereas here we get a whole extra ten to fifteen minutes showing them doing it. Whilst the vampire fighting may sound cool it really isn’t and ends up becoming tedious during this section.

In terms of vampire horror this is basically just Dracula in small town America, and if that is your thing then you’ll enjoy this for sure.

Overall, a good vampire film but nothing that will set the world on fire.

3/5

Pros.

It has a good atmosphere

It builds up the characters well

Some good vampire moments

Cons.

The ending

The pacing is quite slow at times

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Blood On Satan’s Claw: Seventies Era Teenage Nudity

Summary

The Devil comes to the south of England.

In many ways this and many films like it are a forgotten art form, the focus on folk traditions and atmosphere over jump scares and wild moments, is something few filmmakers do anymore.

I would argue therein lies this film’s greatest strength, its sense of time, place and environment. It feels like a very specific world, and one in which you become fully invested and sink into. The horror builds slowly over time and escalates more and more until it hits a crescendo.

Whilst I appreciated some aspects of this crescendo, such as the practical costume design of the Devil/Demon, I thought others came off as a little needless. I am talking about the rape scene, which is long and drawn out, as well as the copious amounts of nudity in the film, which feels done to get teens on-board rather than for story based reasons, such as in the Wicker Man.

Overall, an interesting film that cuts its own character, but one which may also make some people feel uncomfortable.

3.5/5

Pros.

The setting

The atmosphere

The very British sensibility to it

The creature design

Cons.

There are a few script issues and things that don’t make sense

The rape scene is uncomfortable

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Creepshow Two: Second Time Is The Charm

Summary

Creepshow returns in a fat cut off kind of way.

So herein we go down from five tales to three and things are all the better for it.

The first tale, which is woefully politically incorrect by today’s standards, is a fun romp with a Native American flavour, it is fun seeing the Chief cutting down all the people who wronged his adoptive family using Native American weapons and tactics. It makes one think why haven’t we seen more films about Native American society or the fight back against the Europeans, that could be interesting ground to explore and lead to some good epic action films.

The second tale is the weak one as is often the case in a horror anthology with three parts, it focuses on a group of young people who get trapped on a raft by some goo that is intent on killing them all. Not only is the premise incredibly flimsy, you also have the fact that one of the lead characters casually assaults one of his female raft mates in her sleep, and before this he was presented as a hero. This move comes incredibly out of left field and is jarring.

The final tale about a mysterious hitch-hiker that stalks the woman who killed him is entertaining and has a nice creepy vibe to it that ends the collection off on a high note. Couple this with a fun animated wrap around story that ends also on a high note and you have a sequel that in many ways surpasses the original.

Overall, a better film than the first.

4/5

Pros.

It has two strong stories

The aesthetic remains strong

It has some good chills

It is funny at times, on purpose

Cons.

The second story is not good and the sexual assault scene feels poorly conceived

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The Long Walk: Stephen King Slop

Summary

A group of boys go for a walk.

So the easiest way to describe this is to call it Stephen King slop. In that frame I mean if this film was not based on a short story by King it would not have been made, it is very forgettable and there is nothing novel about the premise.

Basically it is a forced march, people die if they stop walking. It is a comment on dystopia’s and authoritarian states, I must say I am thankful that I have not seen lots and lots of online comments going oh this is modern day America, however, it seems very likely that the people who made it wanted those sort of comments.

The characters each have one defining characteristic to them and they are not much beyond that, all very one dimensional. Moreover, there are lots of things that happen that you just have to turn your brain off to and ignore as if you thought about it too much your brain would explode as they make no sense. The fact that the kid that wins the overall walk doesn’t sleep and doesn’t need to due to the fact that he has had a tough life and is an orphan is one such thing you will notice over the course of the film.

Overall, deep unneeded.

1.5/5

Pros.

A few funny moments, unintentional.

It is short

Cons.

It is dull

The characters are one dimensional

You have seen things like this before

The ending is predictable

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