Saipan: Roy Keane Implodes His Career

Summary: the lead up to Ireland’s attempt at the 2002 world cup.

I question the need for this film, it was entertaining but I don’t know if there was enough of a story there for a feature film.

One thing I will give it credit for is that it never took anyone’s side and it showed the unprofessionalism of all sides of the endeavour. Mick, Coogan, had points, but so did Keane, Hardwicke. In that respect you could not call it a hatchet job against Keane.

I think the film does a lot to show the experience of the footballers during the tournament and to make you feel like you were there with them, it also makes football feel like a personal endeavour rather than a billion pound industry. This film can be watched without any knowledge of football, I for one did not know anything about the sport or this world cup before watching the film yet found it very accessible.

Overall, a watchable film but one in which I would question why it was made.

2.5/5

Pros.

It’s watchable

It has good performances

It is engrossing

Cons.

What was the point?

Pacing issues

It ends abruptly

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Rental Family: Someone Give Brendan Fraser A Hug

Summary, A depressed man finds meaning in playing pretend.

So I got a early screener for this film, not a common thing for me, but there you go. Going to say that upfront.

This film was terribly depressing, I had seen in the trailer it be called a feel good film, I don’t see where that element was.

It felt in many ways like a spiritual sequel to the Whale, it was more of Brendan Fraser being depressed. This time being saved by a little girl and an old man. Each of which have their own horribly depressing stories. I put off writing this review as I knew I would have to go over all this again and feel depressed.

There is some comedy in the concept of the rental family and the inherently silly goofiness of it, but by and large this is a drama film.

I suppose you could argue the ending is somewhat bittersweet, Brendan Fraser gets to continue on in a father like role to the little girl and things seems to change for the better, but at what cost. Likely for the jailbreak Fraser’s character should be in prison.

Overall, not a good way to start the year unless you want to be depressed.

1.5/5

Pros.

It is competently made

There is some novelty to it

Cons.

It is depressing

There really isn’t a lot of levity

The side characters, particularly the people at the agency don’t get much development

It’s badly paced

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28 Years Later Bone Temple: Ralph Fiennes Gets His Goth On

Summary, after deciding to stay on the road Spike joins up with the Jimmy Saville gang.

The film does not explain why Lord Jimmy and the other Jimmies take their name from Jimmy Saville, the well known child abuser, but hey maybe that will come up in a future film.

I would say that this film is more consistent than the first, as in it feels like one film not two cut into one. However, this film feels like a spin off rather than a sequel. It feels disconnected in some ways from the first film, Aaron Taylor Johnson set off looking for his son at the end of the first film yet isn’t in this at all.

Jack O’Connell has a lot of great scenes as Sir Jimmy and this is certainly his film. It is horrifying to explore the warped psychology of the Jimmies and the film is right to focus on them. However, there is a Mary Sue here, one of the female Jimmies later revealed to be called Kelly wipes out scores of her fellow Jimmies who are bigger than her with ease. This is irritating, the film could have fixed this with one line of dialogue saying she had been with the Jimmies longer than the others and so was more brutal or hardened.

Fiennes has a lot of fun jumping around and pretending to be the Devil, that bit is fun, but the rest of his bonding with Sampson and their comedic misadventures misreads the tone of the film and can be a bit distractingly silly at times.

Seeing Cillian Murphy return at the end and hearing the theme of the original film is a cheer worthy moment to end on. It will be interesting to see where Hannah is.

Overall, a more consistent film than the first Years later, but let down by a triumvirate of tone issues, disconnection from the first film and Mary Sue energy.

3.5/5

Pros

Jack O’Connell and the Jimmies

Ralph Fiennes pretending to be the Devil

Seeing more of the world

Cillian Murphy’s return

Cons.

Whilst likeable Kelly is a Mary Sue

The tone is wildly off going from a scene of people having their skin cut off to nude dancing for no reason.

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Primate: So It Has Come To This

Summary: A monkey goes bad after being bitten by a rabid animal.

Truly we are at the bottom of the barrel, rather than come up with fresh concepts we are recycling the same old idea of animal attack films. How many times do we need to see bad dogs, bad monkeys, bad sharks. It’s all the same.

This film is exactly what you would expect it to be, bad teen cast, that cannot act, being hunted down by a monkey. Again does it follow logic or make sense, nope, do the human characters behave like people with brains? Of course not.

The scares aren’t there as if anything the film is frustrating, you could easily escape the situation in a number of ways but it just keeps carrying on, seeing the Monkey act out is not scary it feels like people deliberately keeping themselves in harms way.

I cannot for the life of me understand why this is held in high regard on rotten tomatoes as it is just another generic horror film.

Overall, give it a miss.

1.5/5

Pros.

It is short

It is unintentionally funny

Cons.

It is generic

It is badly acted

It is irritating

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The King Of Coal: Pedro Pascal’s Bad Touch Nepotism

Summary

A film that never would have been made if Pedro Pascal wasn’t the current Hollywood Golden boy, he’s the one who got his brother this work through pure nepotism.

This is why people are cancelling Netflix, who is this for, the LGBTQ+ audience are tiny as they are only a fraction of the world’s population and you better believe mass audiences aren’t watching this. It reads as Netflix burning cash to appease talent and maintain good relations with Pedro, until his non-consensual touching stuff comes out and then they’ll never have liked him.

This film feels like a sketch from a comedy film in the late 90s or early 2000s where the ridiculousness of this would be played up and laughed at. Here the film has spoof energy, feeling very much like Zoolander but then tries to be a serious film. All the way through, you are waiting for the minute they turn it into a joke but it doesn’t come. This film is an ode to gender lunacy.

The film itself tries to be aspirational and show the story of a man overcoming hardship, however, the reality the film creates is so out of touch is so unreal that it makes the film hard to take seriously. The fact this is supposed to be set in the real world, not in a fantasy land, and they expect you to believe that these things could happen in the way the film claims is just silly.

Rather than helping to reverse stereotypes or have a serious conversation Netflix makes things like this that are too goofy to even be called propaganda.

Overall, Pedro Pascal has been a net negative for Hollywood.

0.5/5

Pros.

It is unintentionally hilarious

Cons.

It is hamfisted

It is ridiculous

It is badly paced

It is lecturing

It was only made due to nepotism

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We Bury the Dead: Daisy Ridley Can’t Act

Summary

Fresh off her latest failed attempt to be an action star in The Cleaner, Ridley returns in a film that feels more than a little inspired by the 28 Days/Weeks/Years franchise.

Hollywood morality folks, this film wants you to root for Ava, Ridley, despite you learning that she had an affair despite spending the whole film dreaming about her husband. You imagine her as a loving wife at the start of the film, you feel bad for her, and then you are shown that when she couldn’t get pregnant she had an affair. This is what Hollywood wants us to root for now. The film even tries to justify her by going well he later cheated on her too, ignoring the fact she was the one that broke the monogamy

The film takes the more slow and reflective elements of the recent 28 Years Later and makes it the whole film. Whilst these are technically zombies or rage monsters, they are in a similar ballpark. You get a scene wherein one of the infected digs a hole and allows Ridley to kill him showing that these zombies are more thinking that most. Once again people want angry monsters, hence the Walking Dead did well, not thoughtful quasi humans.

Ridley is wooden throughout and can’t manage anything that you might call emotional range. I don’t know why anyone is surprised, her career so far doesn’t say that she is capable of acting.

Overall, Daisy Ridley needs to stop acting.

1/5

Pros.

It is short

Cons.

Ridley cannot act

It feels derivative

It has pacing issues

It wants you to sympathies with a truly unlikeable protagonist

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Song Sung Blue: I Hope You Like Neil Diamond

Summary

Two love birds cover Neil Diamond

This was a mixed to good sort of film. It had a nice love story, the two leads were good and for the most part it was a feel good film. The issue for me came from the fact that the ending, which I won’t spoil for you, is incredibly depressing. It’s a biopic so you can’t do much about it, but still be prepared for it going on.

As far as the music goes I do think this film goes a little far in just how many numbers they put in, it’s not just Diamonds greatest hits it’s almost his entire catalogue, except America. That’s hyperbole but not by much.

I think the film does more than a standard musical biopic by trying to cover other areas of their life in as much if not more so detail, I respect that level of attention to detail.

Overall, expect a little more than a standard musical biopic, but be prepared for the depressing ending and for the songs to go on for just a little bit too long.

4/5

Pros.

The love story

How it deals with adversity

It is for the most part feel good

It does more than most biopics

Cons.

The ending

The songs go on for too long

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Blue Moon: Ethan Hawke At His Most Manic

This was another one that I unfortunately couldn’t see in cinemas as it simply isn’t out where I am yet. I had to find it online to watch it and be ahead for awards season.

Honestly, this film won’t be for everyone, not much happens, it is a talkie. It is mainly about Hawke’s characters with the other people around him, and him coming to terms with his own irrelevance, even if he still thinks he’s someone. It’s a character piece and some may find that slow.

There is a depressing edge to the film, as Hawke’s character is a tragic one and one that you can see the bleak future set out before him, and that gives the film a wan undertone throughout.

It is also a film that is very interested in old Hollywood and is Hollywood giving itself a pat on the back, if you find Hollywood making films about Hollywood clawing or unnecessary then you like won’t like this.

Overall bound to be divisive for it’s length, tone and subject matter, but still very watchable.

2.5/5

Pros.

There is a charm

It has a few funny moments

The pace works well

Cons.

It can be depressing

It is yet another film about Hollywood

The characters can be a little irritating

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SpongeBob Search For Square Pants: Laying Brickwork

Summary

I was a fan of SpongeBob when I was younger but have to admit I have lost touch with it a bit as I’ve aged. I didn’t know if I would just be able to watch this, or if I wouldn’t get it. Turns out it fit like an old glove.

I always wanted more of a focus on the Flying Dutchman back in the classic era so I really enjoyed that he got his moment here. I would have liked to know how he became the Flying Dutchman but I thought the amount of new information we got about him was great.

For the most part it was funny and enjoyable SpongeBob that reminded me why I liked it as a kid, however there were a number of off colour and oddly sexual jokes that I found to be uncomfortable in a kids movie. SpongeBob and Patrick got their asses out too often as well which was also uncomfortable.

Overall, I liked the SpongeBob Mr Crabs storyline and thought it was good we finally got to see more of the Flying Dutchman, but some of the jokes made me feel a little uncomfortable.

3/5

Pros.

SpongeBob and Mr Crabs bond

The focus on the Flying Dutchman

Genuinely funny moments

Cons.

The weird sexual humour

It has pacing issues

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Anaconda: A Surprisingly Insightful Meta Comedy About Hollywood

So straight off the bat this film is not a laugh a minute sort of film, there were a few moments that did make me laugh out loud, but they were few and far between.

What I enjoyed was the commentary on what it’s like trying to get into Hollywood, or being a creative who wants to chase their dream yet life or circumstances gets in the way, I thought this was very relatable and showed the film had heart. The meta industry comedy as well was also quite insightful, and showed just for a moment that some people in Hollywood can be self aware.

The cameos from Ice Cube and Jennifer Lopez were funny and handled well, they were each given their moment without upstaging things from the new cast.

The main issue with it is that it tries to focus on too many things at once and the pace of the film suffers as a result it would have been better if it got rid of the illegal mining stuff which serves very little point.

Overall, whilst not the funniest film in the world there is enough charm and personality here to make it worth seeing.

3.5/5

Pros.

A few good laughs

Relatable protagonists

The cameos

The meta commentary

Cons.

The pacing

Some of the emotional plot beats don’t land

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