Weapons: Putting Naruto Running To Shame

Summary

A group of school children go missing and a concerned and blamed teacher, Julia Garner, sets out to find the answers.

I would advise you to go in blind to this, the less you know the better. This review will spoil things, I’ll keep the reveal near the bottom of the page so it is unlikely you will immediately see it, and I am letting you know so you can look away and come back later.

 I think stylistically this is a strong film and in terms of originality this is one of the few films this year that does feel like something new. However, there are tonal problems, perhaps this was by design, or perhaps not. There are moments of the film where things are very clearly scary and supposed to be, and then there are other moments where things almost become a comedy and these two states of being do clash.

I enjoyed the cross over story path and how the film is subdivided into different sections based on different characters with each providing context to what you had seen before or would soon see. There was one key character that did not get a chapter even though I think she really should have, and I think this lack of backstory made the film have a few plot holes as a result.

The reveal of the witch at the end of the film and her magical powers came out of nowhere, the film does not present for the most part as a supernatural film and when it does go in that direction it works and makes sense. It also provides some good scares, however, the ending wherein she is entirely removed from being this fearsome villain and is chased through houses by a pack of feral kids is definitely not the right note to end on as it reduces her into being almost a comedy villain.

Overall, a good if imperfect film, the tonal issues and plot holes stop it from being the film of the summer.

4/5

Pros.

It is scary

It has a great sense of style

It feels original

It is inventive

Cons.

The ending breaks the tone of the film

There are too many loose ends and plot holes

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28 Years Later: Running Across Causeways

Summary

I had been looking forward to this film for a long time.

I have to say straight off the bat that I am a little disappointed, however, I will say that this is the first of a new trilogy and there is every chance that the next two films can fix some of the issues I had with this film.

Despite feeling disappointed with this film broadly, there are a lot of interesting new characters and the performances are all top notch, I don’t think there is one bad performance amongst the cast. Moreover, the world is vast and incredibly interesting to explore, from the beginning in the remote Scottish Highlands to the Holy Island community there is a lot there to work with.

I also thought the initial action sequences and the hunting section of the film landed perfectly and felt like edge of your seat fare. There is some odd cinematography and editing that feels a little more like an art film, you can see Garland’s instincts in that, but I thought this worked well and helped to give it almost a disorienting feel to it that added to the threat. However, within the hunting sequences we are introduced to the alphas and the evolution of the virus. These alpha infected can think and are harder to kill than other infected, very little is given into why they are this way I imagine that will be got to later in the trilogy, but they are kind of lame. The main reason why I say this is because they just have one move and that is to rip people’s head’s off, I would have liked more out of them than that, such as more examples of their education and ability to outwit people possibly.

In addition you also had the infected that gave birth to a none infected, which feels like we are heading into an art house direction of oh the infected are not so different to us and maybe we can find a way to co-exist, maybe at a later date an alpha might join the heroes side. This would be a terrible direction to head into. That scene in which the pregnant infected would not kill Jodie Cormer’s character despite her being right there breaks the lore and makes little sense. Just because they are both mothers does not mean she would not rip her head off. 

The ending with the Jimmy Saville esque gang is a hell of a controversial way to end on.

Overall, a good film if a little disappointing.

4/5

Pros.

It has some good horror

The world feels dense and real

It sets things up nicely for the sequels

The performances

Cons.

The style at times

The art house elements

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Jurassic World Rebirth: Anti-Capitalistic Dinosaurs

Summary

Universal just can’t let any of their franchises end.

So we are back with another group of people going to an island to see Dinosaurs but guess what things get out of hand. You haven’t seen anything like that before right?

Honestly it is just a little sad now that things have gotten so bad for the Jurassic franchise that they can’t even make real dinosaurs like the T-Rex interesting anymore and have to use mutants. This started under Pratt but continues here and is arguably played up even more.

The plot idea of needing samples for a cure for heart disease which the gang then decide to sell without a patent because capitalism is bad, is not just nonsensical and dumb but it is the sort of thing in the future that scientists will look back on and go this was why the kids were so dumb. It is probably literal brain rot.

Overall, it is not just slop, it is depressing slop.

1.5/5

Pros.

It has some good kills

You cheer when the humans get eaten

Cons.

It is brain rot

It shows that people don’t love dinosaurs anymore just big kaiju esque monsters

It is depressing

Scarlett Johansson is clearly there for the money

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Dora And The Search For Sol Dorado: Boots Finally Talks

Summary

Dora, Samantha Lorraine, is back.

So this is not as good as the previous Dora The Explorer live action film from a few years ago, but that is not to say it is without charm. Whilst yes this one aims younger than the previous film and has a less well known cast, there is still a lot of things to enjoy. For example both Boots and Swiper get more expanded roles and Boots talks, being voiced by Gabriel Iglesias, which is a nice change up. This film does also draw far more heavily on the TV show than the previous film with one key exception, they don’t play the Dora Theme Music, I was waiting for it for the whole film and thought they might play it over the end credits but instead we got Camilla Cabello.

The dialogue and acting in this film are not very good with it sometimes getting pretty stupid for the dialogue and cringe for the acting. However, this is a straight to streaming Dora movie what did you expect? For me these two things add a so bad it is good kind of feel to the film, which I enjoyed.

Overall, a fun addition to the franchise.

3.5/5

Pros.

It is funny

Boots and Swiper

It feels truer to the cartoon

The so bad it is good factor

Cons.

It does assume the audience is braindead at times

They left out the Dora theme music

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I Know What You Did Last Summer: Bashing Men Is Bad For Your Box Office Who Knew

Summary

Screams little brother gets another go at things.

This film was a hugely mixed bag for me.

On the one hand there was some cheer worthy moments here and some funny scenes but on the other there was a deliberate attempt to bait the audience and a twist that makes little sense.

To the good first, it was nice seeing Jennifer Love Hewitt and Freddie Prinze Jr back, and it was nice that this film had so much reverence for the original films. I also liked Chase Sui Wonders as the lead character and thought her friendship with Danica, Madelyn Cline, was the heart and soul of the film. The scene where it appeared as if Danica was dead was genuinely upsetting. However, this fondness was undone with the line from Wonder’s character’ and to think this all could have been avoided if men just went to therapy’. Now the killer of the film was Stevie, Sarah Pidgeon, a woman who after the gang killed her boyfriend decided to seek out Ray’s help. The reason why this final line is so infuriating is the killer is female, Rey helped but he did not set her on that path she did it all of her own accord, but rather than say that it has to be an open attempt to bash men. Why is all I can say to this? What did they think this line was going to achieve, whilst horror has a big female viewership the majority are still men.

There are also a lot of modern dayisms in the film, the main character is BI, as Hollywood thinks everyone is pan, there is needless teen drama, and there is a hell of a lot of therapy speak.   In fact Danica’s soon to be husband is killed whilst she is in the bath listening to a motivational podcast, which adds a whole new spin to that line about men going to therapy, and feels like after Wonder’s character said it maybe Danica should have challenged it, as her walking that road meant she could not save her husband to be.

A hypocritical message to the end.

Overall, I was enjoying the film to some extent until that line right at the end of the film, it felt so needless and antagonistic that it really did make me leave the film with a bad taste in my mouth.

2.5/5

Pros.

Reverence for the original films

You do care about the characters

Bringing back the original stars

Cons.

The modern dayisms

The line about men needing therapy

How they bring back Freddie Prinze Jr only to have him be one of the villains

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A Working Man: Jason Statham Takes On The Deep State

Summary

Jason Statham fights human traffickers.

So I am a fan of mindless action films but I have to say that this had a lot less joy than something like the Beekeeper wherein there was some comedy to proceedings. Not only that but the film isn’t as grisly or intense as would behove the other end of the action film spectrum so you get a film that has promise but that just feels a little boring.

Couple this with the fact that the film casts David Harbour as Jason Statham’s characters best friend and then just does nothing with him. They give him a few short scenes and allows him to arm Statham for his hunt but other than that he really has no role in the film at all.

Even the action leaves a lot to be desired as nothing crazy or intense really happens, it is mostly just scenes of characters going into rooms and getting into very stationary gun fights, they try and give Statham some fighting scenes to try and mix it up a bit more but it lacks any real visceral punch.

Overall, an action film destined to be forgotten about.

2.5/5

Pros.

It has promise

There are a few okay action set pieces

It is relatively well paced

Cons.

The action misses the edge it needs

It isn’t sure whether it wants to be comedic or serious in tone

It wastes the side characters

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Final Destination Bloodlines: The Franchise Does Not Escape Death

Summary

A family finds out they are living on borrowed time.

So I am a big fan of the Final Destination franchise and thought that a new film had a lot of potential to be good. However, after seeing it I was left sorely disappointed.

This is mainly due to the fact that outside of the return of Bloodsworth, Tony Todd, this film in no way feels connected to any of the previous films. Considering how the other films are somewhat referential and take place at least partially within a loop, I would have liked a broader connection to the other films.

Moreover, the idea of death going after bloodlines that should not exist directly contradicts the series lore that new life can stop death. Not only that but I take an if it isn’t broke don’t fix it sort of feeling to the film,  wherein the idea of someone having a premonition about their death and stopping it works much better than what we got here. It makes little sense why the granddaughter of a woman who had a premonition would be sharing her vision years later. It would have made more in universe sense for her to have had a vision of her own death, and then when everyone thinks she’s crazy her granny shows up and goes it happened to me too.

In addition I had an issue with the tone of the film as it didn’t know whether it wanted to be tongue in cheek and a bit more jokey with it or whether it wanted to play it deadly serious. As it stands the film tries to do both and in turn we get the worst of both worlds.

Overall, a very average film only made better with the addition of the late great Tony Todd.

2.5/5

Pros.

Tony Todd gets a wonderful final scene

The ending kill

It has some promise it just doesn’t realise

Cons.

The tone is a mess

It doesn’t connect to previous films

It contradicts series lore

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Superman: Soy Boy Savior

Summary

James Gunn’s Superman arrives, but is it enough to save the DCU.

So for the purpose of this review we’ll try and keep politics out of it, after Sean Gunn really tried to centre it around that, and we’ll leave off any references to Man Of Steel, with one quick addendum to say that adjusted for inflation Man Of Steel made more on its opening domestic weekend.

The film itself is pretty meh. I went into it with low expectations, the marketing had done a horrible job of making the film look stupid, goofy and far too present day, and whilst there are elements of that in this to be sure I think the film managed to exceed by rock bottom expectations.

There were a few good Superman comic esque moments mainly in the third act that made me smile, and a number of funny lines. However, Superman is not the Guardians of The Galaxy and the humour quickly becomes clawing. There are perfectly good scenes that could stand on their own, but then they’ll force in a joke to make you retch a little bit and ruin the scene.

Moreover, the weakening of Superman is a little too on the nose for me. Previous Superman films have kept him macho and powerful whilst also showing his good nature and down to earth personality, look at Smallville. However, here they go out of their way to make him more effeminate and soft, whilst this could be argued to just be how modern Hollywood views masculinity, or an attempt to make him more sympathetic during the sequence where he is basically cancelled is unclear, but it does become noticeable for all the wrong reasons, including but not limited to the use of therapy speak.

The final thing to note is that this is a James Gunn vanity project of that you can have no doubt, and whilst I like him as a director I do think it gets a bit irritating as the film progresses. We already know Krypto was based off Gunn’s own dog, and that his wife and brother are in the film, but then when you look at the cast you see that it is stacked with Gunn’s personal friends as well as the aforementioned cancelling storyline being reflective of Gunn’s own experiences to a degree. When you think about this in totality it starts to become a bit sickening.

Overall, fairly mid-range.

2.5/5

Pros.

A few good moments

The third act is better than the other two

It world builds

Cons.

Clarke and Lois

They make Superman weak

How this is a Gunn vanity project

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Fantastic Four First Steps: Worse Than The Trank Version?

Summary

The Fantastic Four take their first steps into the MCU but it is more like a crawl.

Of the great war between Marvel and DC this summer I would say that even though both sides produced bad offerings, this was the losing side. By the skin of their teeth Superman won.

Whilst Superman has elements that are straight up bad, yes I am looking at you Jor-El, the Fantastic Four feels boring and badly paced. The first act which features a lot of family time placed in the film to establish who the Fantastic Four are, feels like filler as the film is trying to stretch out time before Galactus, Ralph Ineson, and Shalla-Ball, Julia Garner, show up. During this opening act we don’t get much focus on the groups origins beyond a few lines of dialogue and a demonstration of each’s power, the film assumes you know who they are and know the story, which goes against Feige’s claim of it not being homework. The montage tv style way the film opens is jarring and a bad creative choice as well.

This is not to do with the opening act but a broader concern, the Sixties aesthetic, quickly becomes irritating over the course of the film, the time period itself plays in very little it is purely an aesthetic choice, especially as the Fantastic Four themselves have advanced tech. If that level of shallow period choice appeals to you then you may enjoy this yet.

As for the characters, I was wrong, Joesph Quinn is a good Johnny, he is not the ladies man that Chris Evans was two decades ago, but he is still charming and fun, and Ben, Eben Moss-Bachrach is the heart of the film. You have to separate the fact that Moss-Bachrach hates Israel, yes I know he has Jewish roots, particularly when Ben’s Judaism is a big part of the character. Ineson as ever is a giant cast in a small role, he manages to make Galactus menacing and threatening in the way he should always have been presented.  Then you get to Shalla-Ball, they said there was no issue with her being Galactus’ Herald over Norrin Radd as there was a comics history of it, however, they rewrite her entire comics origins so that doesn’t hold much weight. She also has a Rose Tico moment wherein she takes away from Johnny’s heroic sacrifice. However, that aside the character does feel more human and grow on you over the course of the film and has far more range emotionally than Sue, Vanessa Kirby, but we are getting there.  Reed, Pedro Pascal, is a shell of former incarnations, he is shown as an anxious geek, who would rather cry than take charge. At no point does Reed lead the team and any claim to the contrary is just a lie. Sue is by far and away the worst character in the film for several reasons, firstly you have the fact that she is simply characterised as a mother and from the moment she is pregnant that is what defines her, this is one dimensional. Secondly you have her personality, which whilst in keeping with pregnant women, she is hormonal, just comes across as though she is in a constant state of Greta Thunberg levels of how dare you. She is a girl boss and is actively abusive towards her family, there is a scene in which she says to Reed him being himself is a problem. If you or anyone you know is in a relationship where one partner says to the other that them being themselves is the problem and that they have to be something else then they need to leave that relationship. There is also no chemistry at all between Kibry and Pascal

Moreover, the birthing scene and no I am not talking about when Sue gives birth to Franklin but rather the final fight with Galactus wherein Sue manages to defeat him by herself whilst making pregnancy noises, not only is this an I am woman here me roar girl boss moment, as the male characters are all effectively useless, but also incredibly cringe.

Two final points to hit home before we tie this up. The CGI on baby Franklin, is noticeably bad and distracting and secondly this film does not tie into the MCU in any meaningful way, there are moments wherein you go ah this is where they are going to show up in the MCU but no. They do not enter into the MCU at any point. Moreover, the post credits scene is a jangling keys moment wherein Doctor Doom, Robert Downey Jr, takes baby Franklin. It is not an epic moment but rather a short scene of Sue reacting, there is no dialogue from Doom, the costume doesn’t look great, and there is no broader implications imparted. Fans of the comics will know that Doom is going to use Franklin in the same way he used Owen Reece in Hickman’s run however normies will be left going who’s that and why is he taking the baby.

Overall, as I sit here and write this I begin to see more and more flaws with the film.

1.5/5

Pros.

Ben and Johnny are charming

Shalla-Ball grows on you  and Galactus is cool

Cons.

The style and aesthetic is hollow

Sue is one dimensional and abusive

Reed is weak and barely has anything to do

The post credits scene is a letdown, and does not build hype for Doomsday

The film does not bring the FF into the MCU

The CGI is quite bad in places

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Ballerina: Ghosts Of Girlbosses Past

Summary

Eve, Ana De Armas, is the female John Wick, Keanu Reeves, only she is not motivated by the death of a dog rather the death of her father.

So I ended up seeing this twice as I didn’t quite know how I felt about it, it is not terrible, but it is not good either. It does somethings like the worldbuilding very well, as do all the Wick movies, however, Eve as a character is fundamentally uninteresting. The issue really stems from the fact that they don’t give Eve any personality, other than her quest for vengeance we don’t really know her as a character, Wick himself has charm and you can see he is a rounded character, whereas Eve is just a woman on a mission and seemingly has nothing more to her than that. There was a scene early on when she was in  training when it seemed like she might have a friend, this could have improved the character and made her feel more real, but that quickly fades away into nothing.

The action was mostly solid and I liked how they acknowledged that Eve couldn’t beat most of these guys in a straight fight and so needed to fight dirty, that did some positive work in getting rid of girlboss tropes. Though conversely, the film may have messed up Series lore having John taking jobs in between the films that we were not previously aware of, as well as raising the question of where was Eve during the quadrilogy

The song at the end was cringe that is quite true, it was a weird note to end things on, as though in the final moments they decided to become a girlboss film.

Overall, a very mixed bag for everything good it does it also does something bad.

2.5/5

Pros.

The action

Going against girl boss tropes

The world

Cons.

The ending song

It messes up the timeline

Eve was as a character very flat

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