Your Christmas Or Mine: Whoever Wrote This Doesn’t Understand England As Country Or How People Interact

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

After parting at Christmas a young couple decide to surprise each other by getting onto the other’s train, but are then both surprised when the other isn’t there and has to spend Christmas with their families.

I found this film infuriating, the writing is so damn poor that any chance it ever had of being a new Christmas based rom-com to be remembered for years to come is quickly squandered in the first few minutes. The fact that it takes them a long time to even have the character explain the mix up to their other halves’ family and until that point just has them be a stranger in the household that no one questions is baffling.

Asa Butterfield does make for a likeable lead but the rest of the cast are either miscast, going through the motions or are non-entities, what is really shocking is how the film wastes some veteran performers as well.

The central romance is fairly weak and all the trials and tribulations the pair have to go through are nothing you haven’t seen done better before.

Overall, an incredibly poorly written Christmas rom-com.

Pros.

Butterfield is trying

It is unintentionally hilarious

Cons.

The writing is terrible

It wastes some great actors

The wider casting is all wrong

The pace is very much off

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The Royal Nanny: Maybe Megan Markle Was An Intelligence Officer Before Becoming A Royal

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

After detecting a threat to the monarchy the British secret service send in Claire, played by Rachel Skarsten, to act as their agent on the inside and of course whilst there she ends up falling in love with a prince, played by Dan Jeannotte.

I enjoyed this for the most part, it wasn’t the best film I have seen all year or even all week for that matter but it was dumb escapist fun and that should count for something. I liked the nonsensical plot that despite that had a very clear ending from the beginning, and I liked that the film didn’t take itself too seriously.

I thought Skarsten was a good lead and was charming enough to carry the film and to pull off the love story. However, the rest of the cast struggled deeply and were either fairly bland in terms of their performance or were so bad at doing the type of English accent they were trying for that it was distracting. Something that wider audience might not have noticed or picked up on but something that a Brit could notice keenly.

Overall, a fun if at times wonky film.

Pros.

Skarsten

The silly plot

The romance is easy to warm to

Cons.

The accents

It is very predictable

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Spirited: Dickens Meets Dance

3.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A modern take on A Christmas Carol with songs and Deadpool.

There are times when this film is painfully cringe, mainly during the songs, but for the most part I enjoyed this updated take on the Dickensian world and think that it is rife for future expansion. Within the classic tale the ghosts were always the most interesting part, and this film knows that and so decides to explore them and their world more thoroughly, which is a smart move.

The songs are easily the worst part of the film and often don’t work. Some of them do land, but not enough of them. The ones that are bad either feel like knock-offs from other musicals or they feel like far too try hardy. The film even makes a joke of calling out the songs, having a whole character whose whole bit is to say really do we need more songs, but as many of you who have followed my writings for a while will know, just because you call out your own bad writing, or in this case bad songs, it doesn’t suddenly make them good.

I think both Will Ferrell and Ryan Reynold do a good job here and their friendship is quite genuinely believable, I would have liked more scenes of the two of them talking and getting to know each other and their worlds rather than all of the singing but hey that’s me.

Overall, a fun Christmas film let down by some bad songs.

Pros.

Reynolds

Ferrell

It is a lot of fun

There are some funny moments

Cons.

The songs aren’t very good

Pacing issues

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Christmas On Mistletoe Farm: You Deserve Better Than This

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A businessman, played by Scott Garnham, must take over the reigns of his father’s farm. Hijinks ensue.

I must say I have seen a lot of terrible Christmas films in my time but this has to be one of the worst I have ever seen, why Netflix ever decided to greenlight this is beyond me.

This film proves fairly conclusively that Debbie Isitt is a hack, or at best a one trick pony. She uses the exact same formula she did on Nativity, a no nonsense lead that needs to learn to cut loose, a stupid and loud sidekick that acts more like a child than a grown man and a large grouping of children who struggle to act. Whilst this worked for the first Nativity and just about managed to for the second, thanks in large part to David Tennant, here it just feels incredibly obvious and lazy, clearly she doesn’t have enough imagination to come up with a different premise and can only move the location of her tale around to pretend to be different.

Moreover, this film is a slog to get through. The pace of this film is awful, not only does it approach two hours, despite having no business to, it also meanders along at such a mind numbing pace that you question whether this is some new form of incredibly insidious torture designed to drive you mad. Nothing much happens across the whole of the film, because once again to be exciting and to have things happen would take imagination and writing ability that clearly the team behind this don’t have.

Overall, offensively slow and uninteresting

Pros.

It would be a good film to put on as you are falling to sleep for some background noise

Cons.

It is borderline unwatchable

It is a slog to get through and feels like a trail fit for the Ancient world

It is the same situations and characters as in Nativity only worse

There is very little at all to like about it

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Christmas In Toyland: What’s In The Dust?

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A data analyst, played by Vanessa Lengies, who dreams of being a toy maker is sent in to investigate why a certain branch of the company she works for is so successful.

This was a slightly above average Christmas rom-com, and within the arena of trash Christmas rom-coms that is high praise indeed. I think the thing that raises this film above average for me is the central romance which does feel warm and genuine and because of that is easy to care about.

In addition I thought there were quite a few funny moments in this film, both intentionally and unintentionally and this made watching it far more enjoyable. There were of course a lot of cliches and well worn tropes in the film and it does seem afraid to do anything new, but that is to be expected with this sort of film.

Overall, this film is an enjoyable enough Christmas rom-com that does bring the feels and hosts a relationship you will end up caring about.

Pros.

The chemistry

Funny moments

It is short

Cons.

It does drag in a few places

It is nothing new, it uses a lot of cliches.

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Thomas Kinkade’s Christmas Cottage: Have Yourself A Depressed Christmas

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A young man, played by Jared Padalecki, must do all he can to save his families cottage.

So in terms of Christmas films, both good and bad, this is deeply average. Whilst the film certainly is watchable, there is much worse, it is far too cliched to ever be good. The film feels like the most overly sentimental ever produced, to add to that the plot leaves nothing to the imagination and progress exactly as you would expect it to.

The ending, which is again obvious, especially if you have ever watched one of these sort of films before, feels both unbelievable but also incredibly Deus Ex Machina. If this wasn’t based on real life I would say it is far too convenient writing used to tie things up nicely.

Padalecki is fine as is the rest of the cast, but this film is by no means going to win any awards for its acting. Padalecki seemed to find it hard to change facial emotion for the entirety of the films runtime which is always a sign of either someone who doesn’t care and want to be there or someone who can’t act, I’ll let you decide which.

Overall, far too overly sentimental and cliched to pass average.

Pros.

It is watchable.

Chris Elliot

Cons.

It is cliched

It is overly sentimental

The ending is both blindingly obvious but also incredibly unrealistic

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Guess Who’s Coming To Christmas: A PureFlix Cast Off

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A hard rocking singer, played by Drew Lachey, decides that what he actually needs to have a good Christmas is small town values and the love of Christ.

Is this a faith film? Was this in the PureFlix Christmas selection? Honestly, I have nothing against faith films but this was awful and had a terrible message. The daughter, played by MacKenzie Porter, doesn’t seem to have a will of her own in this film- it is either what the father wants for her or what the leading man wants. The two seem to treat the female lead as though she is a bag of rice to be controlled and bartered over and it’s quite off-putting. However, it does get worse as the wider faith elements that permeate almost all areas of this film just turn it into religious propaganda.

Lachey’s lead isn’t particularly likeable either as he goes from a sleaze to a patriarchal oppressor and that is supposed to be a good change for his character if you can believe it.

Honestly this film just feels like a PureFlix cast off.

Overall, a bad film with a message that becomes more and more off-putting the more you sit and think about it.

Pros.

It is short

Cons.

It feels like a PureFlix cast off

The message is awful

The lead isn’t likeable

The ending sours the whole film

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Christmas With You: A Sleazey Christmas Message

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A famous singer, played by Andi Garcia, decides to spend Christmas with a fan, played by Deja Monique Cruz, whose TikTok video she likes, and whilst she is there she also decides to hook up with the fan’s dad, played by Freddie Prinze Jr.

Honestly, I just thought this was fairly boring, it wasn’t so bad it was good nor was it redeemable or even enjoyable in any way. As I approached the two thirds mark I was checking to see how long was left which highlights how much of a slog this film is to get through, it is really just aggressively average.

The worst thing about this film is just how little chemistry the two leads have, there is a moment in the final few minutes of the film where they have their big first kiss of the film and it couldn’t be more cold if they were trying for it.

Moreover, there is inherently something a bit icky about a star coming to spent time with her teen fan and then hooking up with her dad and becoming her new stepmother. I don’t know it struck a weird and not wanted chord with me.

Overall, a deeply meh Christmas film that you can easily give a miss.

Pros.

It is watchable

It does have some unintentional humour

It is nice to see Freddie Prinze Jr back on screens again

Cons.

It is boring and a slog to watch

The premise is a bit icky

The leads have no chemistry at all

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Falling For Christmas: Lohan Is Back

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A hotel heiress, played by Lindsey Lohan, has her life turned upside down when she get short term amnesia and is nursed back to health at a ski lodge.

It is nice to see Lohan back, after being away for so long and dealing with so much, she definitely is the life and soul of this film making for a great female lead who is easy to warm to and whose evolution over the course of the film you can both feel and see on screen.

However, even she and her pretty good chemistry with her co-star Chord Overstreet, aren’t enough to save this film from all the hallmarks and cliches of these so bad there good Christmas films. Everything feels very formulaic and happens exactly as you would expect it when you would expect it to, there is no shock and nothing deviates from the trite script. This does takeaway from any potential stakes that the film might have as ultimately you know where this film is going at all times.

Another mark against this film comes from how long it spends talking about all the influencer stuff at the start of the film, it reads like a ninety year old talking about how the youth of today are and it is cringe as hell. Honestly the influencer character of Tad, played by George Young, makes the whole opening ten minutes of this film borderline unwatchable.

Overall, Lohan tries her best but the formulaic nature of this film holds it back.

Pros.

Lohan

The chemistry

Quite a few sweet moments

Cons.

Tad and all the influencer stuff

It is incredibly generic and formulaic

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The Holiday Calendar

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A psychic advent calendar helps a young woman, played by Kat Graham, to see her future.

I will admit this film’s premise has some goofy appeal, a psychic advent calendar at least feels fresh, I haven’t seen one of them in a Christmas film before, however this freshness is quickly undone as the calendar is merely used as a means to an end to enter into the usual holiday rom-com cliches.

Indeed it seems I hoped for too much with this film as it quickly becomes generic. All of the rom-com cliches and tropes are dusted off and forced out on stage for good measure, the love triangle feels incredibly obvious in where it is leading and there are no stakes at all in the whole thing as we all know how it is going to end.

The acting is all fairly sub-par and for Graham who I know can act because she was okay on The Vampire Diaries this is clearly her slumming it for an easy paycheck.

Overall, even the whacky premise can’t save this film from becoming a bag of cliches and tropes.

Pros.

The goofy premise

It is watchable

Cons.

The pacing

It is generic

It is nothing you haven’t already seen before

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