Amulet: Never Trust The Church In Horror Films

Summary

A homeless man employed as a handy man for a church property begins to worry about the old woman dying in the attic.

This film has some interesting ideas but the ending stops it from coming together into anything interesting. At times this film could be called almost experimental in style as it messes about with sub-genre tropes in order to try and produce something new and fresh.

I would argue that the film does manage to do that, however, rather than riding off into the sunset the film gives us an ending that feels subversive. Now this is a risky gambit, it could work well or it could ruin the film and sadly it is the latter here. The ending proves to be a moral lesson and flips everything we know about the character, yet does so without very much set up making it feel quite jarring.

Overall, there are some good scares here and it does feel fresh, sadly the ending just didn’t work for me.

3/5

Pros.

Scares

It feels fresh

It has a great atmosphere

Cons.

The ending

The pacing is a bit off in places

If you enjoyed this review, then please head over to my Patreon to support me, I offer personalized shoutouts, customised film recommendations to suit your personality and tastes, the ability for you to pick what I review next and full access to my Patreon exclusive game reviews. Check it out!

https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

Or if you would rather send me a donation if Patreon isn’t for you then please find a link to my donations page below

Help Support My Reviews

Afraid: A Screen Writer Terrified Of The AI Future

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

AI is scary.

Yet another hit piece freakout about AI in the form of a film. The idea that an AI could become sentient and then have an army of human proxies to do its bidding in the immediate future is nothing short of drivel. It just reads as yet another old person scared of the future and trying to craft a script around that.

There is nothing scary about this film either, the AI kills a scumbag who deserves it which doesn’t make you go oh no its terrible but instead go eh okay I guess. It feels less like a horror film and more like a science fiction film at times and not a very deep or well crafted, narratively speaking, one at that.

It is a complete and utter waste of time and money.

Overall, this is a cheap lazy science fiction horror that is not even a good way to mindlessly kill a few hours, avoid it.

1/5

Pros.

Riki Lindhome is in it and she’s always good

Cons.

It is bad science fiction

It is bad horror

It is boring

It isn’t scary

https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

Or if you would rather send me a donation if Patreon isn’t for you then please find a link to my donations page below

Help Support My Reviews

Blink Twice: Nepo Directors Can’t Direct

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Zoe Kravitz, a mediocre actor, decides to become a, mediocre, director.

This may be one of the worst horror films of 2024 up there with In A Violent Nature and I Saw The TV Glow, however, where this film differs from them is that it isn’t offensively bad, but rather incredibly lazy, average and uninspired.

The main issue with this film is that it cannot decide if it even wants to be a horror, at times it is trying for something one may misconstrue for comedy if you squinted. The comedy doesn’t land of course and is the same sort of awkward female nerdy humour you have seen in other films before.

Then you get into the scares of the film, which are probably best described as Get Out if Jordan Peele was a talentless hack who was hit in the head several times and then tried to write something he viewed as social commentary. The comparison to Get Out works as this is social horror, it wants to scare you but also make a point about the lives of the super wealthy, you and every child in the surrounding area could likely tell you what that point is as it is basic and really obvious, rich people treat poor people badly.

Overall, this film highlights why nepotism is killing the film industry and why not just anyone can direct.

1/5

Pros.

It is not offensively bad

Cons.

The humour is odd and misplaced

The horror doesn’t work as the message isn’t fresh

It feels played out

It is boring

https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

Or if you would rather send me a donation if Patreon isn’t for you then please find a link to my donations page below

Help Support My Reviews

Oddity: The Most Imposing House Guest Ever

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A blind Irish mystic, Carolyn Bracken, investigates the murder of her sister.

So I had heard a lot of good things before I got to see this film, and as such I went in with high expectations and that may have been the problem.

Whilst there certainly was scary aspects of this film, it does have a few good scares, I found it to be inconsistent across the film’s runtime as there were moments you could call scary but also some downright silly ones. The doll for example is silly and never isn’t ‘, even when it kills a guy.

I also thought the ending was weak, I understand it was going for ambiguity to keep you guessing, but I just thought that what it gave wasn’t very satisfying and left the film feeling incomplete.

Overall, a film with some fresh ideas but the execution is a little sloppy.

2.5/5

Pros.

Some good scares

It has moments of freshness

The setting and atmosphere

Cons.

It cannot maintain its tone

It is silly when it really shouldn’t be

The ending

https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

Or if you would rather send me a donation if Patreon isn’t for you then please find a link to my donations page below

Help Support My Reviews

I Saw The TV Glow: A Horrifying Voyage Of Mental Illness

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A couple of people begin to believe that they are characters in a TV show.

So where to begin with this film, I suppose we should begin as we mean to continue and in that vein I will open by saying it is a horrible film.

Not only is it the same art house nonsense you would expect, with symbolism, a story that makes no sense, stunted dialogue and more but it also boasts yet another terrible performance from Justice Smith. Smith really is having a bad 2024 starring in this and the Magical Society, the guy can’t seem to catch a break.

The plot is basically around two mentally ill people who fully devolve into their mental illness and begin to harm themselves, yet it is all okay as their delusions are real so when they mutilate themselves its not real, or is it? On top of all that you have them escaping into this TV show as they are actually the characters from that, or so they believe, and Smith is actually a girl, yet even in the world of fiction they are being horribly tortured by a sadistic man who lives in the moon.

If all that sounds a bit much there is also a lot of allegories for trans people and the trans experience during the film and it is supposed to have some sort of political message. However, it just seems like two people desperately in need of help both physical and psychological, hurting themselves and being tortured. The message seems to be lost along the way, unless that is it.

I have watched a lot of hard to watch horror films in my time, meaning both hard to watch as in they make no narrative sense, and hard to watch in terms of being unpleasant but I must say this has taken the cake.

Overall, don’t believe all the 4/5 star reviews saying it is a masterpiece as it reflects a certain type of politics, it is actually a horrible nasty little film that makes no sense and is a sickening experience to watch, especially the latter torture scenes.

0/5

Pros.

None

Cons.

It is horrible to watch

The message, whatever it is, is lost

The performances are bad

The writing is stunted

The ending is terrible

https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

Or if you would rather send me a donation if Patreon isn’t for you then please find a link to my donations page below

Help Support My Reviews

Alien Romulus: Cheering On The Alien

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The Alien franchise is dead, don’t let anyone tell you any different.

So before we get into everything wrong with this film, and there is a lot, we will talk about the three things I liked. Firstly, I enjoyed the connections to Prometheus it was neat to have it and to have a direct tie between the prequel films and the later Ripley, Sigourney Weaver films, though it would have been better if David, Michael Fassbender, had appeared. Secondly, I liked that they brought back the science officer from the first film that was an interesting and plot relevant cameo. Thirdly, the final monster was very well designed and looked both alien and frightening.

Now with that out of the way lets get into why this film isn’t good. The main and most glaring reason why this film is bad is because the entire cast beyond David Jonsson’s Andy and Isabela Merced are awful people and entirely unlikeable. So Andy is a Synthetic and the film seems to use that as a stand in for someone with mental disabilities in a sickening way. The opening sections of the film have Andy being beaten up for being different, being told he is lesser than by the other crew members and being told by his sister, Cailee Spaeny, that he is going to be left behind when she wants to start a new life. The poor guy even apologizes to his sister for being a burden it is really hard to watch. The way the entire cast of characters bar Merced’s treat Andy as though he is just something to be used and discarded is a really horrible comment on how vulnerable people are treated by some. The film has Spaeny’s lead realise that she should treat him better by the end, but it doesn’t change the fact that you start rooting for the alien and kill them all. To make matters more uncomfortable you also have the fact that Andy is a POC and his whole purpose in life is to service a white lady. No one, at Disney, at Fox, anywhere thought how did that look.

The film also goes out of its way to make the Xenomorph weaker and easier to beat, it uses the mud trick from Predator in a different way and has the lead just shoot a whole mess of them that just charge her for no good reason in zero gravity. They are supposed to be smart and super hard to kill but our lead kills about 12 of them in under 5 minutes. This also drops the threat level of the film as a whole and is not made up for with Human/Engineer hybrid at the end, which whilst scary is too little too late.

Overall, a disappointment that leaves a poor taste after watching it.

1/5

Pros.

Prometheus ties

Bringing back the science officer

Cons.

The characters are horrible and one dimensional

They treat the synthetic guy in a cruel and nasty way and it is hard to watch

There is some vague racist undertones to it

It makes the xenomorph non-threatening

https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

Or if you would rather send me a donation if Patreon isn’t for you then please find a link to my donations page below

Help Support My Reviews

Alien: A Crumbling Classic

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

One of the supposed greats struggles to hold up.

I have not watched the original Alien in years, since I was a little kid, and upon watching it now I began to notice some issues with it. I know many people consider this a classic, but it has a brutal first act, the first thirty minutes where nothing much happens beyond they discuss pay disputes and begin to set out on a rescue mission is brutally slow.

I enjoy and appreciate the aesthetic of this film, be it the very Seventies esque futuristic tech, or the very gothic inspired cinematography, however, I think the pacing is just too much. Once the alien arrives things start to pick up, and yes I know that the franchise needs the first thirty minutes to set up world and history and what not, but it doesn’t help how dry it is.

Ripley, Sigourney Weaver, is still one of the best heroines of all time and when it is her facing down the alien we are back on stride, though it must be said that none of the characters other than her, and that’s including John hurt’s character, have very much to do at all are fairly one dimensional.

Overall, perhaps its modern pacing that has made me unable to cope with the first act of this film, but whilst what comes later is good, the opening is incredibly off putting in terms of pace.

3/5

Pros.

The ending

Weaver

The look of the film

Cons.

The first act

Some one dimensional characters

https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

Or if you would rather send me a donation if Patreon isn’t for you then please find a link to my donations page below

Help Support My Reviews

The Loch Ness Horror: Why Do Even Our Straight To Streaming Movies Need Americans In Them

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Whilst exploring Loch Ness a submarine comes into some trouble.

Yes you heard that right folks there’s a submarine in Loch Ness a closed body of water that has limited access ways to the wider sea or the coast, clearly it was airlifted in.

This film is a cross between a student film under very very very low budget indie, at times the production values are so incredibly cheap that you question if the whole thing is not just some AI experiment. There are exterior shots of the ship that goes to rescue the submarine that quite clearly aren’t real.

The acting if one could call it that, reminds me of the sort of acting you might see out of an nepo child after their daddy has paid their way into the film. You have a mixture of can’t do an accent, won’t do an accent, and a few scatterings of Americans thrown in there because they can’t get any work back in the States.

As someone who has been to Loch Ness I don’t understand why this film couldn’t even use shots of the location, were they too poor to afford it, did the location say no? Who knows, but one thing I can say for sure is that this film knows nothing about the lore of the Loch Ness Monster, and just stitches together some bad monster movie cliches in order to have something barely resembles a coherent storyline.

Overall, why did I watch this, why did people make this, why did this need to exist, all of these and more are more entertaining questions than anything this film can put forward.

1/5

Pros.

It is short

Cons.

It is not even in so bad it is good territory

It looks cheap

It knows nothing of the creature and its lore

It is dumb

https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

Or if you would rather send me a donation if Patreon isn’t for you then please find a link to my donations page below

Help Support My Reviews

Long Legs: Nicolas Cage Makes Some Dolls And Screams About His Mom And Dad

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A hunt for a serial killer begins.

Many people were upset with this film expecting it to be something it wasn’t. The marketing suggested this film to be a crime thriller ala Silence Of The Lambs, however, the film was far more of a supernatural horror film and for me that worked.

Much like with Ti West, Osgood Perkin’s to me as a director is incredibly hit and miss, whilst he can make a scary film he can also make art house garbage, as such I went into this with low expectations. I must say in every way this film blew me away, not only was it coherent, but it was also incredibly scary, I may say that this film is the scariest of the year so far. This was especially true as the more supernatural elements began to develop in the plot, the idea of the dolls and the devil was used very effectively here. Another thing that’s praiseworthy is the fact that the film relied on an atmosphere rather than cheap jump scares, which diverges the film from a lot of recent horror releases.

Maika Monroe is quickly becoming a scream queen, if not THE scream queen of our age, she plays the lead here with equal amounts of charm and unease. She commands attention but can also be quite comedic at times, there is a scene in which a little girl invites her character to a birthday party and it is some of the best cringe comedy that you might ever see.

My two main gripes of this film are both fairly minor. Firstly, I don’t like how much of a willing participant the mum becomes, as the narrative of the film suggests she’s just doing it to keep her daughter alive, to me this shift in motivations doesn’t make sense. They could have explained this away by her becoming possessed or something but they don’t. Secondly, though I am a massive fan I think Nicolas Cage was miscast here, so his character looks scary sure, but Cage’s delivery and performance makes the character almost a joke at times and is distractingly bad. They have seemingly let Cage go full Cage and this film didn’t require or need that, if anything it hurts it.

Overall, one of the best horror films of the year so far

4/5

Pros.

It is scary

The mythology

Monroe

It is well paced and keeps a good atmosphere

Cons.

The mother’s character motivations

Cage is wrong for the part

https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

Or if you would rather send me a donation if Patreon isn’t for you then please find a link to my donations page below

Help Support My Reviews

Maxxxine: Which Actors Haven’t Done Porn

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Mia Goth fresh from her controversies rounds out her horror trilogy.

As some of you may know I am not a fan of Ti West as a horror director there is just something about his style of shock horror that I have never cared for and found off putting. In a sense I think shock horror can often fall on the wrong side of lazy and be disgusting or controversial for the sake of it.

Whilst West’s trilogy here for the most part has stayed on the positive side of this line and not veered off too much into the wrong side of shock horror. However, when the film does try to be shocking such as with the reveal of the religious cult it comes off as confused. Whilst West’s trilogy can be seen to reflect an idea of embracing grime and hardship in order to succeed, and that negative aspects of life are important especially in the face of zealous religious upbringings, the message doesn’t quite come home with the rounding out of this trilogy, and instead the religious cult feels like a joke.

Goth continues to play the character of Maxine with the same unhinged determination she did in the previous films, however for anyone looking for further depths or more aspects to this character or Goth’s performance they will be sorely left wanting. In terms of characterization it is more of the same, yes we get to see the interaction between child and parent but that isn’t as illuminating as fans of the trilogy would want it to be.

The main highlight of this film for me, is a surprisingly great and at times menacing turn from Kevin Bacon, true he only has a minor role but he makes the most of every second of screen time he gets.

At times the world of this film becomes more interesting than the story we’ve been presented with on screen, my takeaway from that is that more film should explore Hollywood during this time period, delve deeper into the grime whether they’re a horror film or not.

Overall Maxxine is the best of the trilogy and one of West’s better films, however, there is something lacking that keeps it from being truly great.

2.5/5

Pros.

The world

Bacon

Some good tense moments

Cons.

Goth is limited in her performance

It doesn’t go as far as you would want with the Cult

https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

Or if you would rather send me a donation if Patreon isn’t for you then please find a link to my donations page below

Help Support My Reviews