The Toxic Avenger: Dinklage Says Little People Can’t Play Dwarfs But They Can Play Monsters.

Peter Dinklage doesn’t like little people playing dwarfs in fantasy films but he is fine with them being shown as mutant freaks. The many contradictions of a man who’s career ceased to exist with Game Of Thrones.

There is so much wrong with this film it is hard to know where to start. Firstly, it feels like it was written by current day James Gunn, and that is not a compliment. In that I mean that it feels like it was written by a teen boy, with all the juvenile humour that entails but also one that was off the current masculinity, who wants his male characters in skirts. There are multiple scenes of characters getting their genitals punched through or torn off, because that’s funny right, and then the character will likely make some kind of off colour joke to try and make it even more funny, but none of this works. The film wants you so desperately to think it is funny and cool, but it is neither. It is try hard.

There is a scene in the film wherein Dinklage’s Toxic Avenger saves a group of people who are at a restaurant taking hostages and why are they doing it because they are angry about DEI. That is how basic and simplistic this film views the world, oh do you not like wearing nail polish and skirts, do you have an issue when meritocracy isn’t employed then you’re some cartoonishly evil and stupid antagonist that deserves to die.

Overall, this film shows that Hollywood hates vast parts of the audience.

0.5/5

Pros.

It is short

Cons.

Dinklage is awful

It is cringe

It is hateful

It is gross out for the sake of it

It feels like it was written by current day James Gunn

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The Ritual: The Devil Is The Girl Boss

Summary

Dan Stevens and Al Pacino need some quick cash.

So what was this film? The possession sub-genre frankly put is used up, there is not a lot of new ideas there and by and large it is like the later stages of the slasher sub-genre, before it was reinvented with Scream, and this may be the sub-genre at its most generic.

You have Dan Stevens as a priest who doesn’t seem to understand how exorcism works despite being involved in it, and who has clear sexual tension with a nun which is addressed but not in a satisfying way. Worse yet there is a scene wherein Patricia Heaton who plays a Mother Superior talks down to Steven’s priest and says she is done being told what to do by men who aren’t even half as holy as her. This scene was the moment I knew the film was getting a low score. This is the catholic church in the 1920s, attitudes like that exclaimed by Heaton’s character would be enough to have them thrown out of the Church. The idea that in period a Mother Superior would have dared speak to a priest like that is laughable.

Another weird thing about the film is the way it is edited, there are scenes that feel as though the camera work and editing is trying to ape something like The Office rather than be appropriate for a horror film.

Overall, this is one of the lowest points yet for the possession sub-genre.

1/5

Pros.

Pacino is laughably bad.

Cons.

Stevens is phoning it in

The girl power nun

The editing

The fact that it doesn’t have an original bone in its body

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Screamboat: Mickey Mouse As He Really Is

Summary

Mickey Mouse behaves as we all know he does behind closed doors.

Honestly, I can sum up whether you will like this film in one sentence did you like Terrrifer and do you find Art’s antics funny or not? If the answer is yes to both then you will like this film. It tells the tale of a group of people taking the Staten Island Ferry who run into Mickey Mouse and who then picks them off.

This is one of those public domain films, but I would say it has more charm than something like a Blood and Honey, there is more of a sense of whimsy here. I also thought all of the references and inferences to Walt Disney were quite clever.

The kills were good but weren’t to the same level of gore as in Terrifer, they again were played more for laughs than for chills, and it delivered in much the same way as the campier later entries in most slasher franchises of old did.

The ending that has the lead dress up like Minnie Mouse to try and seduce Mickey was something I never thought I would see in my life but here we are.

Overall, if you are a fan of Terrifer and of gore than you will likely like this.

3/5

Pros.

The kills

The backstory and the references to Walt

It is funny

Cons.

It can be repetitive

The acting is truly awful

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28 Years Later: A Scottish Man Managing To Outrun Hordes Of People

Summary

The Americans take over London.

So this film is a lot better than I remember it being. Distinctly as a younger man I remember liking Days Later more but now after having seen Weeks Later as I am slightly older it is far closer. I think this film is far more realised, in that I mean it feels more expansive it feels more like a complete world, whereas in Days it feels very confined.

The opening scene in the cottage is fantastic, the tension and the way Robert Carlisle’s character runs away as the music swells is the epitome of tension and the shaky cam here works really well to add to that very manic energy. This would be one of the things I would say Years Later struggles with and that is that it tries to move away from this sort of energy and go for a more meditative tone at times and one has to ask how in keeping with the franchise is it.

The military criticism here was well used, rather than coming across heavy handedly it feels as though it naturally builds upon the mistrust of the army from the first film. Though the infected are threatening, particularly in the opening scene, I think the more harrowing moments of the film come from things like watching the army use chemical weapons against civilians.

Overall, I would argue this is better than Years and could well rival Days.

4.5/5

Pros.

The tension

The commentary

The world

The ways in which it builds on the original

The cinematography

Cons.

The child characters are irritating and do irritating things

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Hallow Road: The Worries Of Being A Parent

Summary

A couple find themselves in a position that no parents ever want to be in.

So Rosamund Pike and Matthew Rhys are fantastic here, a lot of the film is the car journey to find where there troubled daughter has broken down in the woods, and much like with Locke a hell of a lot of the meat of the film comes from there conversations and facial acting during these tight scenes and scenes over the phone.

As the night begins to unfold and it turns out the daughter hit and kill someone and then with what follows the film takes a turn that you likely won’t expect but is not wholly unpleasant. As it veers off into the supernatural it oddly works within the world created by the film, though I would say that I think Irish folklore is beginning to become a bit tapped out at this point.

The ending of the film is quite bleak but also has a trippy component to it which leaves you asking questions at the end of the film as you pick your head back up off the floor.

Overall, well-acted and with a good supernatural twist.

4/5

Pros.

It is well acted

The horror works within the world

The end leaves open some intriguing questions

Genuine tension

Cons.

Irish folklore is becoming a bit overplayed

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Together: Dave Franco And Alison Brie Should Probably Break Up

Summary

A couple learn very obvious lessons about co-dependence. The irony being that both of these lead actors are actually in a relationship in real life and are now playing a couple on screen and well its ironic.

So I will give this film one thing it does have one particularly effective moment, and it takes place in a children’s school toilet cubicle, once you have seen it and thought through the implications of it then you will be scarred for life. However, that is really the only thing I can praise the film for.

The commentary on co-dependent couples which it ends up justifying at the end, is nothing new. In many sense this film reminds me a lot of Night Bitch the Amy Adam’s film from the end of last year, it has an interesting premise but uses it to deliver fairly boilerplate commentary that feels incredibly obvious.

Franco and Brie as a couple in this film really seem ill suited and unlike in other similar films where you are rooting for them to stay together through it all here you desperately think they should be apart.

Overall, not as smart or inventive as it thinks it is.

1.5/5

Pros.

An interesting idea

One harrowing moment

Cons.

Brie and Franco have no chemistry

The commentary is pedestrian

It is boring

The ending feels contrived

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Bring Her Back: Using Pee For Gaslighting

Summary

A woman, Sally Hawkins, goes to extreme lengths to bring back her dead daughter.

So I enjoyed this film for the fairly basic thriller that it is, there are so good twists and turns and it does not go the way you necessarily think it would. However, the issue for me from this perspective is the fact that the writing is quite weak in terms of justifications. Why did Hawkin’s character pick the central duo out of all the children in care, why did the demon knowingly kill itself at the end? These are questions that the film does not give us answers for.

The film sets up this demonic cult through a video tape that Hawkin’s character watches and as the film goes along and you see more of the tape and you think it would be interesting to explore this idea a bit more, the film immediately stops mentioning them. When Hawkin’s character goes to do the ritual are the cult present as clearly based on the video you need a number of people to carry it out? Nope. She does it on her own. One cannot help but feel like the cult was an undelivered promise.

Whilst I find the demon stuff interesting I do wish they would have shown us more of the little boy doing these creepy and extreme things, as the film itself shows some of this but stops itself from going further, which I feel like it needed to.

Overall, an interesting premise and a few good scares don’t come together to be anything special in a disappointing follow up to Talk To Me.

2.5/5

Pros.

Some good gore

A few scares

Sally Hawkins is always fantastic

Cons.

The cult stuff is not properly used

The writing is weak

The ending is very meh

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Weapons: Putting Naruto Running To Shame

Summary

A group of school children go missing and a concerned and blamed teacher, Julia Garner, sets out to find the answers.

I would advise you to go in blind to this, the less you know the better. This review will spoil things, I’ll keep the reveal near the bottom of the page so it is unlikely you will immediately see it, and I am letting you know so you can look away and come back later.

I think stylistically this is a strong film and in terms of originality this is one of the few films this year that does feel like something new. However, there are tonal problems, perhaps this was by design, or perhaps not. There are moments of the film where things are very clearly scary and supposed to be, and then there are other moments where things almost become a comedy and these two states of being do clash.

I enjoyed the cross over story path and how the film is subdivided into different sections based on different characters with each providing context to what you had seen before or would soon see. There was one key character that did not get a chapter even though I think she really should have, and I think this lack of backstory made the film have a few plot holes as a result.

The reveal of the witch at the end of the film and her magical powers came out of nowhere, the film does not present for the most part as a supernatural film and when it does go in that direction it works and makes sense. It also provides some good scares, however, the ending wherein she is entirely removed from being this fearsome villain and is chased through houses by a pack of feral kids is definitely not the right note to end on as it reduces her into being almost a comedy villain.

Overall, a good if imperfect film, the tonal issues and plot holes stop it from being the film of the summer.

4/5

Pros.

It is scary

It has a great sense of style

It feels original

It is inventive

Cons.

The ending breaks the tone of the film

There are too many loose ends and plot holes

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28 Years Later: Running Across Causeways

Summary

I had been looking forward to this film for a long time.

I have to say straight off the bat that I am a little disappointed, however, I will say that this is the first of a new trilogy and there is every chance that the next two films can fix some of the issues I had with this film.

Despite feeling disappointed with this film broadly, there are a lot of interesting new characters and the performances are all top notch, I don’t think there is one bad performance amongst the cast. Moreover, the world is vast and incredibly interesting to explore, from the beginning in the remote Scottish Highlands to the Holy Island community there is a lot there to work with.

I also thought the initial action sequences and the hunting section of the film landed perfectly and felt like edge of your seat fare. There is some odd cinematography and editing that feels a little more like an art film, you can see Garland’s instincts in that, but I thought this worked well and helped to give it almost a disorienting feel to it that added to the threat. However, within the hunting sequences we are introduced to the alphas and the evolution of the virus. These alpha infected can think and are harder to kill than other infected, very little is given into why they are this way I imagine that will be got to later in the trilogy, but they are kind of lame. The main reason why I say this is because they just have one move and that is to rip people’s head’s off, I would have liked more out of them than that, such as more examples of their education and ability to outwit people possibly.

In addition you also had the infected that gave birth to a none infected, which feels like we are heading into an art house direction of oh the infected are not so different to us and maybe we can find a way to co-exist, maybe at a later date an alpha might join the heroes side. This would be a terrible direction to head into. That scene in which the pregnant infected would not kill Jodie Cormer’s character despite her being right there breaks the lore and makes little sense. Just because they are both mothers does not mean she would not rip her head off.

The ending with the Jimmy Saville esque gang is a hell of a controversial way to end on.

Overall, a good film if a little disappointing.

4/5

Pros.

It has some good horror

The world feels dense and real

It sets things up nicely for the sequels

The performances

Cons.

The style at times

The art house elements

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The Last Of Us Season Two Overview: The Flaws Of Bella Ramsey

Summary

We return to the fungal zombie apocalypse.

So as someone who has played the games I knew what was coming and I will give the show props from not shying away from it. The death of Joel, Pedro Pascal, was controversial when the games came out and I knew it would be just the same here. Looking at the shows plunging ratings it is pretty clear that a number of people have checked out but I think if the show had saved it for the end of the season it would only have been worse.

I think the thing that has become glaringly clear in this second season is that Bella Ramsey is not a very strong actress and is struggling to carry the show on her own. They are becoming more and more reliant on Joel flashbacks and will no doubt have him appear as sort of grief induced visions over the third season to keep Pedro around. I think last season Ramsey’s inabilities were not so on view as they are here, but it is becoming ever more clear she was the wrong choice to play the character.

Moreover, I feel the pacing this time around feels slow, in many senses it feels like they are trying to stretch out the second game into three seasons to try and take it for all it is worth. I understand the idea to have one season from each of the girl’s points of view, but it does reek of filler. I wonder what the ratings will be like when it does come back.

Overall, very much like the game it started off well and then fell off a cliff.

2/5

Pros.

A few good scenes

It is interesting to learn more about the world

Cons.

Ramsey

It is using Joel too much as a crutch

The pacing

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