The Monkey: Tatiana Maslany Is The Fun Mum You Never Knew You Needed

Oz Perkins follow up to Long Legs focuses on an evil monkey, who ‘holds the key’ to life and death and he’s ‘gonna get me’ and all of us as he is seemingly a harbinger of the end of the world.

So for me this was a step back from Long Legs and in many ways a tonally strange film, it seemingly didn’t know whether it wants to be a horror film or a comedy film and tries to mix and match different elements that don’t come together well. I would argue that this is probably also a weaker film than The Black Coats Daughter so it is not even second in the Perkins ranking.

The monkey itself was interesting, I liked the mythology around it and would have preferred if they had played into its connection to the Apocalypse, rather than waste time with an needless father-son story that really just felt like it was there to make the film long enough to be feature length.

Overall, it was okay but not some of Perkins better work.

2.5/5

Pros.

The mythology

Maslany

The kills

Cons.

The humour

The pacing

The father and son side plot

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Heart Eyes: Death The Ultimate Cock Block

Summary

A serial killer is killing couples, can you survive?

I enjoyed this film quite a bit, if reminded me in a number of ways of the Scream films and also the Scary Movies, that is not to say that it was a comedy film it was still a slasher but there were comedic elements within that. In many ways it wanted to hit on both fronts in the way something like Thanksgiving also wanted to do, but where that film couldn’t really land its comedy this one does.

I think a hell of a lot of what makes this film work is Olivia Holt, she is such a charming and likeable lead that you cannot help but root for her, you also really believe the love story as well, it feels very warm but also modern and not cliché. When I saw Christopher Landon’s name in the credits I knew why I liked it so much as Ally has a lot of similarities to Tree from Happy Death Day on of my all time favourite slasher films.

Overall, a surprisingly fun slasher film.

3.5/5

Pros.

Holt

The humour

The romance

The kills

Cons.

The reveal is obvious

Pacing issues

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Get Away: Actors Shouldn’t Try And Write

Summary

Proof of why actors should not take up writing.

So this was a weird one, there were some good moments peppered in here and there, but then the ending just went and destroyed everything. The last act reveal that reveals the truth about the family makes almost everything that had happened up until that point make little to no sense, I understand it is genre, but that doesn’t mean that folks will just happily eat up garbage writing.

Aisling Bea is a ray of sunshine in this film, it is a shame to hear about her views on Gaza and her joining the band wagon to support those that would see the Jewish homeland destroyed but there were are. She manages to have a few funny moments in the film and totally outshines Nick Frost in every scene they share together. However, I would say that Maisie Ayers is the real star here, she has a real screen presence and eats up the scenery whenever she is on screen.

Broadly this film tries to be comedy horror, but can do neither well.

Overall, a waste of time and money.

2/5

Pros.

Aisling Bea

Ayers

Cons.

Frost and the rest of the cast are wasted

The twist

It isn’t all that funny

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The Girl With The Needle: The Horrors Of War

Summary

A harrowing journey through Danish history.

This film is not for the faint of heart, and I would advise if you want to watch this film to have something happy ready to watch after as its pretty bleak. The film follows a young woman, Vic Carmen Sonne, as she deals with an unwanted pregnancy in the immediate aftermath of the First World War. During this she comes into the employ of one of Denmark’s most notorious killers.

There is a gothic spectacle to this film that makes it a must see film in terms of truly feeling like you are going back in time. The oppressive world and the grim struggle of things feels just as overwhelming for you watching it as it does for the character as she lives it.

Overall, the film is harrowing but ultimately engrossing and capturing.

4/5

Pros.

The style

How engrossing it is

The tension

The atmosphere and the world created

Cons.

It is bleak

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The Presence: A New Take On The Haunted House Film

Summary

Stephen Soderbergh tries to do something new with the haunted house film.

So would I call this film a horror? No

Was it marketed as a horror film? Yes

It is essentially a drama film with supernatural aspects, it is a drama film in so much as it is about a family that is fraying at the scenes and that interpersonal drama takes up a lot of the film’s bandwidth. The supernatural element comes from the fact that their house is haunted, but the ghost does not behave like a typical ghost or poltergeist in these sort of films there is something different about it.

One thing I will say is that the film has a lot of scenes of drugging drinks, which makes for uncomfortable viewing at times. There is a particular scene with a large amount of sexual threat that will stay with you after the credits roll, and is probably the most unpleasant and in a sense scariest thing about the film.

The twist at the end of the film is fairly predictable but does feel satisfying when it is revealed and it does recontextualise a lot of the film in an interesting way that encourages a rewatch.

Overall, a smart if at times a little uncomfortable kind of film.

4/5

Pros

It is smart

It a decent pay off

It is well paced

It focuses on atmosphere

Cons.

The sexual assault theme feels a bit much at times

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Companion: You Can Guess The Ending

Summary

A loser, Jack Quaid, builds a sex robot, Sophie Thatcher, who then goes on to kill him.

I don’t know about you but I’m starting to get bored of social horror, social horror is a subgenre of horror that comments on social issues film such as Get Out are examples of it. Herein the commentary is on relationships and toxic behaviour, as one could assume from simply looking at the poster, yes it really is not deep, the message of the film is do not treat your girlfriend like a slave otherwise she might kill you, insightful. In terms of social horror and writing, this film is incredibly predictable and has nothing at all new to say, it is all recycled platitudes dumbed down.

Sophie Thatcher is good, she has a few funny moments, but is giving the same performance you have seen from her in other projects. I assume she is aiming to be a scream queens for the 2020s. Jack Quaid is similarly one note, you can tell from the beginning even without watching any of the trailers or marketing material that he is bad news, he has strong incel vibes, but then again that is what the film is going for. The fact they did not try and give his character any depth beyond that again speaks volumes to the quality of the writing for this film. Rupert Friend does get to have some fun doing a silly and over the top Russian accent, this is comically bad, it remains to be seen whether it was intentional or unintentionally so.

Overall, an interesting concept is ruined by poor writing that does not think beyond basic archetypes.

2.5/5

Pros.

It is watchable

There are some funny moments unintentional and intentional

It has some good tense scenes

Cons.

The characters are paper thin

It’s message is at best recycled

It is badly paced

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The Damned: An Ode To Those Lost At Sea

Summary

A fishing team based on the coast of Iceland comes into some supernatural trouble.

Whilst the idea of a group of people being hunted down one by one by some supernatural entity is hardly new, this at least tries to add a lick of new paint to it by drawing inspiration from Scandinavian folklore rather than the same old well of monsters.

The twist at the end of the film, is one that I think is fairly played out, I didn’t see it coming, but when it hits it is somewhat of a damp squib, I would say the film would work better without it.

I appreciated that the film gave a lot of attention towards creating an atmosphere rather than just relying on cheap jump scares that become formulaic after a while. Particularly in that regard I found the use of the scenery and location to be effectively used to create a sense of isolation that really scores the entire film.

Overall, a January gem that should not be missed.

4/5

Pros.

It has a great atmosphere

The location is used to great effect

Interesting mythology

It is smart

Cons.

The twist

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Wolfman: The Dark Universe Takes Another Blow

Summary

The domestic abuser shared universe is added to.

It is odd now that in two film based on classic Universal monsters that there has been an undercurrent of domestic abuse, if they make a Frankenstein film where he attacks the Bride then it will be even more deliberate.

The ideas behind this film are so played out and trite that you consider if it was written by AI bringing back other werewolf films, the werewolf does not want to harm his family yet is ultimately a threat to them, cue cringe metaphors about inner conflict.

Julia Garner was okay on Ozarks but she really doesn’t suit the role she is cast in here, the idea of her as a mother is a little silly, she also has next to no on screen chemistry with Chrisopher Abbot. Seeing their happy family scenes at the beginning which presages almost all Blumhouse films comes across as two people who are strangers to each but who are trying to pretend to be in a relationship.

The werewolf form also looks awful, but I won’t spoil it too much for you

Overall, a flop for Blumhouse to start the year off right

1.5/5

Pros.

It is watchable

It is not the worst thing Blumhouse has ever made

Cons.

The transformation and werewolf form

Garner

The writing

The lack of chemistry

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The Advent Calendar: Belgium Really Seems To Have A Thing Against Disabled People In This One

Summary

An evil advent calendar leads to the deaths of a bunch of people.

I am all for horror being depressing but come on. I mean everyone in this film seems to hate the main woman, played by Eugenie Derouand simply for existing. Even her supposed friend steals the guy she is into and lets her go home with a horrible man who attacks her. It is pretty bleak.

This is done to make it better when the calendar kills a lot of these folks but still, it doesn’t make for nice viewing. Even I who have been round the way with horror many times, find seeing a disabled woman being sexually assaulted and then violently thrown out of a car and having to crawl back into her wheelchair, which takes quite a long time making it even more uncomfortable, to be needlessly over the top. It is not so much that this film is scary but it is incredibly depressing.

Overall, if you’re looking for a horror film to depress you more than it scares you look no further than this.

1/5

Pros.

It tries something new

Cons.

It is depressing

It is badly paced

A majority of the cast do very little

It is boring at times

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Demon Slayer Hashira Training Arc Series Overview: A Waste Of Time

Summary

The new season of Demon Slayer has one goal, to waste your time.

So if you have read my other season reviews for Demon Slayer then you know I often have the same complaint, the pacing and the filler, more often than not each season will have a few good episodes and then lots and lots of filler around it, this is where that shifted.

I wish I could tell you that the change is a good thing but it isn’t, this season was almost entirely filler far more than the other seasons. Basically the whole of the season was just the character’s training, which I know is what the season is called, but there is no build up to a grand show down as there was with the other seasons, no here it basically just builds up to a pretty disappointing death and then the cast are thrown into the pocket dimension with a big to be continued vibe to it.

I like the characters and I like seeing them interact but this was long drawn out nothingness, and the fact that there wasn’t even a satisfying pay off at the end of the all the filler makes it doubly annoying.

Overall, this is just killing time until the films and everyone knows it.

1/5

Pros.

It has a cool ending

Cons.

It is all set up and no pay off

It is all filler

It is boring and badly paced

It hits the same beats over and over again

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