Final Destination Bloodlines: The Franchise Does Not Escape Death

A family finds out they are living on borrowed time.

So I am a big fan of the Final Destination franchise and thought that a new film had a lot of potential to be good. However, after seeing it I was left sorely disappointed.

This is mainly due to the fact that outside of the return of Bloodsworth, Tony Todd, this film in no way feels connected to any of the previous films. Considering how the other films are somewhat referential and take place at least partially within a loop, I would have liked a broader connection to the other films.

Moreover, the idea of death going after bloodlines that should not exist directly contradicts the series lore that new life can stop death. Not only that but I take an if it isn’t broke don’t fix it sort of feeling to the film, wherein the idea of someone having a premonition about their death and stopping it works much better than what we got here. It makes little sense why the granddaughter of a woman who had a premonition would be sharing her vision years later. It would have made more in universe sense for her to have had a vision of her own death, and then when everyone thinks she’s crazy her granny shows up and goes it happened to me too.

In addition I had an issue with the tone of the film as it didn’t know whether it wanted to be tongue in cheek and a bit more jokey with it or whether it wanted to play it deadly serious. As it stands the film tries to do both and in turn we get the worst of both worlds.

Overall, a very average film only made better with the addition of the late great Tony Todd.

2.5/5

Pros.

Tony Todd gets a wonderful final scene

The ending kill

It has some promise it just doesn’t realise

Cons.

The tone is a mess

It doesn’t connect to previous films

It contradicts series lore

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The Corpse Washer: The Dead Are Never Really Gone

Summary

A series of mysterious deaths cause a commotion in small town Indonesia.

I am a big fan of Indonesian horror, and even I have to say this one was on the weaker end of the national sub-genre for me. I just thought that it was a little all over the place, despite having a few good moments the monster was not really properly explained at it was hard to figure out what was going on.

Adding to this confusion is the fact that this film is very badly paced, there is a lot of exposition and characters and it is hard to keep track of what is what and who is who. Where something like May The Devil Take You works is that it has a small number of characters and is more of a personal story, this features a village full of people and starts to spread itself far too thin.

The horror is more on the gore side than the atmospheric so personally I didn’t find it particularly scary but if gore is your thing then maybe you could find something to enjoy here.

2/5

Pros.

The freshness

Some good gore

Cons.

The pace

Too many characters

It is hard to follow

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Death Of A Unicorn: Hollywood Sticking It To Themselves?

Summary

A rich father, Paul Rudd, and his daughter, Jenna Ortega, kill a unicorn.

So before watching this film I had heard how it was an eat the rich narrative about the evil ways of the haves and how the have nots can get wrapped up in it. This made me groan as we have seen this before, but then I watched the film and groaned louder.

It is an incredibly on the nose message of these cartoonishly evil rich people who want to defile the corpse of a unicorn in order to cure cancer. Of course they want to sell this cure rather than give it away for free, which makes them then even more evil. Can you get the message yet? One has to ask are they evil or is the system that creates them evil, is the fact that America is one of the few countries in the world without free medical care not the real evil here, but no such nuance is thrown in the bin. The rich are bad and responsible for all the world’s ills. This feels like it was written by a naïve student who really doesn’t get how the world works despite daddy’s credit card funding self-indulgent narcissism in the form of instagramable charity work in deprived countries.

What for me makes this film worse is that it is Hollywood telling us the rich are bad, in the place where the director will be making over a million for the film, the actors will comfortably be making over a million for the film and where even the slightest hint of self-awareness is viewed with disgust.

Anyway once the evil rich people are dead, the Unicorns resurrected Rudd’s character the good working class father who can afford to send their child away to school, ah Hollywood really understanding the working class, and who also dresses in designer clothes. Have you got my point yet?

Overall, the sort of film that slowly and insidiously kills Hollywood.

2/5

Pros.

Unicorns are original villains

Some good kills

Cons.

The eat the rich message

The hypocrisy

The ending

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From Season Three: The Wheels Come Unstuck

Summary

Answers are revealed and far, far more questions are asked.

So, I would say upon reflection that this is probably the most polarising of the series released so far, I saw a lot of angry fan backlash to this season. For the most part I agree with it, I think the pacing this season was bad, I think this is likely a result of the writers strikes and then needing to make more of less. I think the fact that we only got a very limited amount of night scenes which are often the best in the show and a lot of this season happened over a couple of days was disappointing. Pound for pound we got a lot less of the monsters this season overall.

As for the mysteries and answers I thought Tabitha’s, Catalina Sandrio Moreno, time in the real world was a little too short lived, they could have done more there but they didn’t. Moreover, the reveal of the baby being a creature and Tabitha and Jade, David Alpay, being reincarnations of previous From residents all felt a bit too much like fan fiction. In the former’s case people liked Smiley and wanted him back, in the latter’s case it felt like they didn’t know where to take the mystery so read something on reddit and was like yes I’ll do that.

When the show was good, such as during the barn scene in the first episode and the ambulance scene later in the season, it was really good and reminded you of why you like the show. However, there was just too much talking and filler this season and that crucially was its central problem.

Overall, a step back from previous seasons.

4/5

Pros.

A few good scenes

Possible better reveals being set up

The man in yellow

Some good scares

Cons.

Far too much filler

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The Woman In The Yard: The Black Woman In Black

Summary

Like the Babadook but with black folks.

So for me if this was a short film and ran to about the forty minute mark I would be giving this a near perfect score. The first act where you meet a supernatural woman in black who is incredibly menacing towards a family in the middle of nowhere, and wherein the threat level is slowly ramped up over time is very good. The second act begins to fall apart as we get more of an idea of who the woman in the yard is, and then the third act which is both nonsensical and reveals the film to be a Babadook clone entirely ruins the whole film.

The woman in the yard,Okwui Okpokwasili, is a compelling monster, and her power set does make for some good scares. However, the filmmakers break the cardinal rule by telling rather than showing and when we learn that she is just a manifestation of the lead’s depression and that a lot of the broader more supernatural things that happen may well be in her head, you just go eh and lose interest. The Babadook which this film clearly wants to be did a similar thing, however, it left the ending ambiguous enough to the effect that you didn’t know if the Babadook was real or not this film spells it out for you.

Overall, a strong first act positions it above average, but then everything else stops it from getting into the good rating tier.

3.5/5

Pros.

The early scares

How they set up the woman in the yard

The lack of jump scares

The setting use

Cons.

When they reveal what the woman is

The ending

The pacing in the end of the second act and start of the third.

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Deadly Intent: The Shadows Of A Father’s Love

Summary

A mother, Rebecca Reaney, and child, Gus Barry, face the threat of an abusive husband and father, Peter Lloyd, from beyond the grave.

So anyone familiar with maternal horror will find that this is quite by the numbers. All of your standard hallmarks are there, overwrought mum, withdrawn kid, and some kind of supernatural threat. However, where this film gets some extra points for me is by having the spirit that is harming them being the father who tried to kill his son in life.

The exploration of domestic abuse and how the trauma can stick around long after the person has died made this film interesting to me and separated it out from being yet another Babadook clone. I also found interesting how this film approached grief showing how the mother is in no way effected by it and is instead overwrought by her fears of losing closeness with her son. This marks a distinct difference from how single mother grief is often depicted in these sorts of films and offered some much need divergence.

Overall, it pretty much is what it says on the tin, or in the summary, what you see is what you get. The reason I am interested in it is because it is different and provides a counter weight to other films in the maternal horror subgenre.

3/5

Pros.

It offers a different perspective on grief

The intimate ghostly connection and comments on domestic abuse

British charm

Cons.

The pacing

It looks very low budget

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The Monkey: Tatiana Maslany Is The Fun Mum You Never Knew You Needed

Summary

Oz Perkins follow up to Long Legs focuses on an evil monkey, who ‘holds the key’ to life and death and he’s ‘gonna get me’ and all of us as he is seemingly a harbinger of the end of the world.

So for me this was a step back from Long Legs and in many ways a tonally strange film, it seemingly didn’t know whether it wants to be a horror film or a comedy film and tries to mix and match different elements that don’t come together well. I would argue that this is probably also a weaker film than The Black Coats Daughter so it is not even second in the Perkins ranking.

The monkey itself was interesting, I liked the mythology around it and would have preferred if they had played into its connection to the Apocalypse, rather than waste time with an needless father-son story that really just felt like it was there to make the film long enough to be feature length.

Overall, it was okay but not some of Perkins better work.

2.5/5

Pros.

The mythology

Maslany

The kills

Cons.

The humour

The pacing

The father and son side plot

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Heart Eyes: Death The Ultimate Cock Block

Summary

A serial killer is killing couples, can you survive?

I enjoyed this film quite a bit, if reminded me in a number of ways of the Scream films and also the Scary Movies, that is not to say that it was a comedy film it was still a slasher but there were comedic elements within that. In many ways it wanted to hit on both fronts in the way something like Thanksgiving also wanted to do, but where that film couldn’t really land its comedy this one does.

I think a hell of a lot of what makes this film work is Olivia Holt, she is such a charming and likeable lead that you cannot help but root for her, you also really believe the love story as well, it feels very warm but also modern and not cliché. When I saw Christopher Landon’s name in the credits I knew why I liked it so much as Ally has a lot of similarities to Tree from Happy Death Day on of my all time favourite slasher films.

Overall, a surprisingly fun slasher film.

3.5/5

Pros.

Holt

The humour

The romance

The kills

Cons.

The reveal is obvious

Pacing issues

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Get Away: Actors Shouldn’t Try And Write

Summary

Proof of why actors should not take up writing.

So this was a weird one, there were some good moments peppered in here and there, but then the ending just went and destroyed everything. The last act reveal that reveals the truth about the family makes almost everything that had happened up until that point make little to no sense, I understand it is genre, but that doesn’t mean that folks will just happily eat up garbage writing.

Aisling Bea is a ray of sunshine in this film, it is a shame to hear about her views on Gaza and her joining the band wagon to support those that would see the Jewish homeland destroyed but there were are. She manages to have a few funny moments in the film and totally outshines Nick Frost in every scene they share together. However, I would say that Maisie Ayers is the real star here, she has a real screen presence and eats up the scenery whenever she is on screen.

Broadly this film tries to be comedy horror, but can do neither well.

Overall, a waste of time and money.

2/5

Pros.

Aisling Bea

Ayers

Cons.

Frost and the rest of the cast are wasted

The twist

It isn’t all that funny

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The Girl With The Needle: The Horrors Of War

Summary

A harrowing journey through Danish history.

This film is not for the faint of heart, and I would advise if you want to watch this film to have something happy ready to watch after as its pretty bleak. The film follows a young woman, Vic Carmen Sonne, as she deals with an unwanted pregnancy in the immediate aftermath of the First World War. During this she comes into the employ of one of Denmark’s most notorious killers.

There is a gothic spectacle to this film that makes it a must see film in terms of truly feeling like you are going back in time. The oppressive world and the grim struggle of things feels just as overwhelming for you watching it as it does for the character as she lives it.

Overall, the film is harrowing but ultimately engrossing and capturing.

4/5

Pros.

The style

How engrossing it is

The tension

The atmosphere and the world created

Cons.

It is bleak

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