Saw: I Want To Play A Game

Saw is a horror film directed by James Wan. The plot follows two men as they wake up in an underground room chained to radiators with hacksaws at their feet, then they hear a voice that tells them it wants to play a game; you all know what happens next.

Now that I am coming to the end of Elm Street I have decided to spend some time with another well know horror franchise, Saw. Unlike Elm street this isn’t about a dream demon, just a man who likes to creative ever more elaborate tests for those he deems unworthy.

I think Tobin Bell makes these films, there is no doubt in my mind that his iconic Jigsaw is one of the best horror antagonists. This is mainly due to the fact that he always seems to have something up his sleeve, contingencies on top of contingencies.

Moreover, the death games that the minds behind saw think up are always interesting to watch play out, rarely are they similar and the gore is done in a way that is appealing and nicely executed. In addition I appreciate how smart things are, the twist at the end of the film is clever and even when you know it is coming it is still impressive to see play out.

On a personal note, I always found the scene where there is a man in the little girls closest to be the most frightening of all, and I can confirm that that is still the case: it is very menacing.

Overall, a lovely smart horror film, as long as you don’t mind a bit of gore.

Pros.

The twist

Tobin Bell

The games themselves

The gore

Cons.

A little repetitive

4.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Nightmare On Elm Street 5, Dream Child: Daddy Freddy

A Nightmare On Elm Street 5 is a slasher horror film directed by Stephen Hopkins. The plot continues to follow new dream warrior Alice (Lisa Wilcox), as she once again has to fight Freddy Krueger (Robert Englund), who has returned from the dead this time using Alice’s unborn babies dreams as a gateway back into our world.

This is by far the strangest nightmare yet, there is a lot of out there ideas that range from the goofy to the downright disturbed. Though Hopkins himself does not like this film, studio meddling once again, I think it has a place amongst the better trips to Elm street. I enjoyed the surreal feel to it and a lot of imagery was unsettling which I felt heightened the film.

Furthermore, the deeper dive into the origins of Freddy was interesting to see how it all began, the monster baby stuff not so much, but the rest of it was intriguing. That said, I found the focus on Alice’s baby, who is or isn’t Freddy’s son? Was bad, I did not care about this future character that is barley set up at all and just appears.

The deaths were a lot of fun, I thought the dinner party kill and the comic book esque kill were probably the best of the bunch, though they all have an entertaining campiness to them that makes them so fun to watch.

Overall, though some of the ideas were poorly thought out, baby Freddy springs to mind, I think because of the clear vison and style this film feels better than a lot of the other instalments.

Pros.

The Kills

The focus on Freddy’s origins

The campy fun

The visuals

Cons

Jacob as a character

Zombie baby Freddy

3.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Poltergeist: Don’t Trust Trees

Poltergeist is a horror film directed by Toby Hooper. The plot follows a family who become terrorised by otherworldly beings known as ‘the tv people’, eventually these entities end up kidnapping the daughter of the family Carol Anne (Heather O’ Rourke), and the family must do all they can to get her back.

This is an 80s icon of horror cinema for a reason, and that reason is a mixture of nostalgia and that Spielberg magic in its prime, though he did not direct it he was heavily involved. There is something almost family friendly about this film, though maybe that is me watching it with a desensitised 2020 outlook, but beneath that wholesome veneer is something much darker which captivated my interest.

I did not find the film scary as a whole, I only found the tree scene and the clown scene to be unsettling, however, I can see that a viewer watching it in a contemporary setting might have found it very scary; the effects that look dated and goofy now would have been good for the time. That said I enjoyed the over the top effects, like the scene where the man’s face comes off in the mirror, they made me laugh and I was certainly feeling the 80s charm of them.

I enjoyed what the film did with its bait and switch ending, making you think it was all over and that what you were watching was a happy ending monologue to show the family all safe, but then it subverts that and shows you that the danger is actually not over at all. I thought that was a very clever thing to do narrative wise, as it makes the actual ending feel very surprising.

Overall, maybe more tame by today’s standards there is still more than enough on show within the film to show why it deserves its iconic status within the horror genre.

Pros.

80s horror charm

A few scary scenes

A clever ending

Cons.

It is not very scary

It has pacing issues, especially in the second act

3/5

Reviewed by Luke

The Haunting In Connecticut: A Whole New Fluid To Be Disgusted By

The Haunting In Connecticut is a horror film directed by Peter Cornwell. The plot sees a family move into a home that use to be a funeral home where the mortician performed evil rituals on the dead to boost his son’s supernatural gift, naturally after they move in things start getting out of control quickly and the spirts start attacking the family.

I remember watching this film when I was younger, and I remember being scared for days afterwards. So, when I decided to revisit recently I went in with high expectations, and I can safely say they were not met.

The scares are all fairly tame, the two ‘scary’ parts of the film are the flashback scene where the bodies are mutilated and the ectoplasm scene, the latter is more fascinating as a concept than it is scary. For the most part the scares are just the usual obvious jump scares that blight most horror films these days, they are incredibly obvious and have no impact at all.

Secondly, and stick with me on this one, I don’t like how up the churches arse this film is. Yes, I understand that religion and God will play a key role in these sort of films as they are fighting demons, but in something like The Conjuring 2 you don’t see them stopping to pray every 5 seconds and having a character (the mother), who’s whole purpose is to spout about how great the church is and how we all need to have faith; it felt like I was watching Gods Not Dead or something alone those lines. My issue to clarify is not that it is in the film, it is the total lack of nuance or subtly with it.

Overall, though the body mutilation scenes did creep me out a bit, I can’t recommend this film as the scares just aren’t very good. They are the by the numbers jump scares that you would expect from some of the lazy Blumhouse fare, with that in mind this fails as a horror film.

Pros.

A few creepy scenes

The idea of ectoplasm and the way the film explains it

Cons.

The writing lacks subtly

The scares don’t work

The characters aren’t sympathetic and are caricatures

1.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Phenomena: Meet The Newest And Youngest Member Of The Avengers

Phenomena is an Italian horror film directed by Dario Argento. The plot sees a young American girl Jennifer (Jennifer Connelly), go to a Swiss boarding school to receive an education and be out of her parent’s hair. However, once she arrives she notices that she has a strange relationship with insects, and that said relationship might be the key to solving a string of murders that is happening on campus.

Why can’t Argento make a film that does not have a serial killer or group of serial killers (Suspiria) as the main antagonist? Yes, I know obviously he must have at some point in his career, but of the film’s I’ve watched it is certainly a repeated motif and one that is starting to get tiresome.

I enjoyed the more abstract ideas here; I wish we have dived deeper into Jennifer’s powers and how and why they came out. There is a wonderfully off kilter strangeness to the whole film that is very difficult to describe but it really sticks with you after the film.

I thought the slasher elements were probably the weakest part of the film, though I did enjoy the final fight scene. It reminded me very much of Mrs Voorhees in Friday The 13^th I thought it was well done, tense and effective; the face melting scene stayed in my head for a while after the film, the power of practical effects.

Overall, a strange film in a lot of ways, however that strangeness makes it what it is. Good, but I do wish Argento would stop making films about serial killers.

Pros.

The strangeness

The insect, mystical stuff

The ending

Jennifer Connelly

Cons.

The killer stuff for the most part of boring

It had pacing issues and was far too long

3/5

Reviewed by Luke

A Fantastic Fear Of Everything: You Never Know Who Might Be Trying To Kill You, Look Over Your Shoulder

A Fantastic Fear Of Everything is a British horror comedy film directed by Crispian Mills. We follow Jack (Simon Pegg), a children’s writer whose life slips out of control when he begins work on his latest book, Decades Of Death a history of Victorian era serial killers, as Jack researches deeper and deeper he becomes ever more frightened and ever more sure someone is trying to kill him.

This is an underrated gem. This has been on my radar for some time but for one reason or another I never ended up seeing it, and now having seen it I know how much of a mistake that was.

This film perfectly merges the horror and the comedy genre together, there are a lot of horror comedies that end up favouring one over the other whereas this does both very well There is an off kilter atmosphere that underpins the whole film, nothing ever feels quite right and there seems to be something sinister just beneath the surface; I left the film quite unsettled. However, there are also sections of the film that are quite funny and amusing, however even these sections I would not call light.

My favourite thing about this film is how in love with the gothic and the macabre it is, from audio cues to certain framing and lighting choices this film feels like it could have been made by Hammer 70 years ago, though I doubt most of the cast would have been alive then.

Overall, if you are a fan of horror then you owe it to yourself to watch this film

Pros.

The off-beat and uncomfortable atmosphere

The comedy

Pegg plays it just right

The plot and the nods to classic horror

Cons

It won’t be to all tastes

4/5

Reviewed by Luke

A Nightmare On Elm Street 4, Dream Master: Freddy Is A Kung Fu Master

Nightmare On Elm Street 4: Dream Master is a slasher horror film directed by Renny Harlin. The plot this time sees Freddy find a way to bring himself back to life, after seemingly being killed in the last film. He once again goes after the remainder of the Elm Street children, to strong degrees of success, and then sets his sights on new prey.

My first thoughts about this film is that it is odd that Kristen is no longer played by the same actor from the last film (Patricia Arquette), and is now re-cast younger for some reason despite this film supposedly being set after the third film. I understand they probably couldn’t afford her, but if that is the case why bring back the character at all?

The kills were so so this time around, which is not what you want to hear from a slasher film. There were a couple of funny and or well-done ones such as the water bed and the dojo fight scene. The rest, however, were fairly generic and fade almost immediately from memory. The final fight was even more forgettable than that, and it all hinged on some strange nursey rhyme that was not set up, and despite him quoting it (implying he knew it), somehow served as Freddy’s death which makes very little sense.

Overall, other than a few inspired deaths this was a forgettable follow up that fails to live up to Dream Warriors in almost every way.

Pros.

Campy slasher fun

It is very watchable

A few good deaths

Cons.

Most of the deaths are generic

The final battle doesn’t make sense

Why bring back Kristen at all?

2.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Critters: Never Trust 80’s Pop Icons, They Are Never Who They Claim To Be

Critters is a science fiction horror film Stephen Herek. The plot sees furry alien invaders from another planet arrive on Earth, in small town America of course, and start wreaking havoc. It is down to the efforts of one plucky family, a collection of towns people and two alien bounty hunters to stop them.

So the writers of this film claim that the ideas for it originated well before Gremlins, and that any claim that Critters is inspired by Gremlins are inherently false. While I can’t claim knowledge on the subject I have to say while watching I couldn’t help but be reminded of Gremlins as the two films are very similar in a number of ways.

I enjoyed that this film was not afraid to embrace the campiness of the science fiction horror premise with the Critters themselves being somewhat tongue in cheek often cracking wise. It reminded of many B movies I have seen; it is strange, and it knows it and displays it proudly.

The premise is generic, it is your standard alien invader/ or monster takes over a town narrative that is no stranger to creature features. However, the plot takes a back seat here to the fun absurdity of the film as a whole. It is a blast to watch.

Overall, if you want a campy B movie like good time then this will please you. Don’t go in expecting too much and you will be pleasantly surprised.

Pros.

It is fun

I enjoyed the tongue in cheek parts

I liked that it embraced its inner freak

Cons.

The plot is weak, and you have seen it before

The acting is very meh

3/5

Reviewed by Luke

Annabelle: Demons Patiently Wait On Lifts, Respect Social Distancing

Annabelle is a horror film directed by John R. Leonetti, serving as the first spin off film of the wider Conjuring Universe. The plot of this film focus on Annabelle, the breakout star of the first Conjuring film and goes a ways to explain how she ended up in the Warrens private collection; though to understand that you will have to watch all 3 Annabelle films.

I remember seeing this film a long time ago and I remember it being generic and boring. However, the other night, perhaps as a result of a masochistic feeling, I decided to revisit it and see if it was as bad as I remember. It is bad, definitely the weakest of both the Annabelle trilogy and the Conjuring Universe as a whole, but it is not terrible.

The only pro I have for this film is the basement life scene, when Mia (Annabelle Wallis), first sees the demon and she gets stuck in the lift. This I think is easily the best scene of the film, both in terms of scares and execution as it actually manages to feel tense.

The issues with this film for me are twofold. Firstly Annabelle Wallis should not be cast in anything ever, why is she? She can’t act and her name being associated with anything is a sign of poor quality, The Mummy, King Arthur Legend Of The Sword, Tag, I could go on. Wallis seems incapable of showing even the slightest amount of emotion in any sense, and to call her wooden would be a disservice to wood everywhere.

Secondly there is no third act in this film. Things just plod along in the usual investigative way these films do and then bang its over. There is no final standoff between Mia and the Demon, no, instead she almost throws herself out a window, but then she doesn’t and someone else does; wow gripping stuff there.

Overall, though this film isn’t as terrible as I remember it being it is still bad, not worth your time and easily the weakest of the Conjuring films; takeaway stop casting Annabelle Wallis.

Pros.

The lift sequence

Cons.

Annabelle Wallis

There is no third act

The doll really isn’t all that involved

There is a lot of aimless plot that goes nowhere

It does not justify its existence as a spin off

1/5

Reviewed by Luke

The Mortuary Collection: Rubber Up

The Mortuary Collection is a horror anthology film directed by Ryan Spindell. The plot follows Montgomery Dark (Clancy Brown), as he retells tales of horror to a job applicant at his funeral parlour.

The issue quite often, with anthology films is they are dependent on the individual segments being well done and crucially, consistent to make the overall film feel good and worth the watch. That really shows here, as though the segments are for the most part consistent, some are much better than others. The tales themselves are a mixed bag, some like the one about male pregnancy are strong are tightly packed, whereas others, the one about the carer who ends up killing his locked in wife are dull, lifeless, and boring.

This as you can imagine leads to pacing issues, as some parts of the film captivate your attention and others put you to sleep.

The ending however is insanely predictable. The twist is telegraphed quite blatantly from the opening of the film and when it happens, rather than feeling surprised you are left feeling angry it has taken them this long to get to it. The ending is very much a damp squid and serves to further undermine and bring down the film as a whole.

Overall, though some of the segments have promise this is very much yet another deeply average horror anthology that serves to bore more than scare.

Pros.

Some of the segments are well done and interesting

Clancy Brown is having fun

Cons.

Other segments feel tediously dull

The film feels inconsistent as parts of it are good and other parts diabolically bad

The ending is terrible

0.5/5

Reviewed by Luke