Castle Freak: A Collection Of The Most Unlikable Characters Ever Put To Film

Castle Freak is a horror film directed by Tate Steinsiek based on the H.P Lovecraft short story The Outsider. The plot follows Rebecca (Clair Catherine), a recently blind girl who travels to Albania after learning that her birth mother, who has recently died, has left her a castle. Naturally the circumstance around the mother’s death are shrouded in mystery and inferences of the supernatural.

Horror is my favourite genre; I have watched a lot of horror films in my time which makes what I am about to say all the more impactful: the characters in this film might be some of the most unlikeable and unpleasant protagonists in the history of the genre. Even the lead Rebecca is at best irritating, the cast for the most part seem to be a reflection on the worst parts of society, and I don’t know if this was done by choice, but I will assume not. It would make no sense if this was deliberate as you would and do end up feeling nothing when the characters are slaughtered later in the film, quite a large flaw.

Moreover, I am no prude when it comes to nudity, but I think this was a tad excessive. There is nothing wrong with a tastefully done nude scene, but here we have scenes that serve no narrative purpose other than to show off the bodies of the female stars, which frankly feels more than a little exploitative to me.

The gore and the kills are serviceable to good, but that is not enough to make up for the films many other shortcomings.

Pros.

The gore and the kills

Cons.

The characters are unlikeable

The first act is incredibly slow

They just dump a bunch of Old Gods information through exposition on the audience at the start of the second act, I found this confusing

The nudity seems a bit much

1/5

Reviewed by Luke

Blood Vessel: If There Is One Thing We Know It Is That Nazi’s Love The Occult

Blood Vessel is a horror film directed by Justin Dix. The plot sees a group of survivors adrift at sea during the closing days of WW2, they have abandoned hope of being rescued that is until they find a deserted Nazi war ship pass them by.

This film is a perfect example of subverting expectations in a smart way. When I first put this film on, I thought that it was going to be a ghost ship and that one of the survivors would probably go crazy and start hunting down the rest, turning the film into a sea-based slasher film. However, there is a reveal midway through the film, that I won’t spoil as I think it is worth seeing fresh, that totally takes things in another direction.

The lore of said reveal is quickly set up and is surprisingly in-depth, the film manages to tell us a lot about what is going on and who is doing it without giving us a lot of boring slow exposition. The gore and the kills are strong, gore fans will be pleased to hear, with an excellent and bloody final showdown to boot; the ending itself perfectly sets up a continuation of the horror.

My one complaint would be that none of the characters were particularly interesting and for the most part felt like standard war time cliches.

Pros.

The horror

The reveal

The lore

The ending

Cons.

The characters are all quite forgettable

4/5

Reviewed by Luke

Saw 5: A Breaking Point

Saw 5 is a horror film directed by David Hackl. The plot sees Jigsaw’s (Tobin Bell) latest apprentice Mark Hoffman (Costas Mandylor), go on the offensive when his secret looks like it is about to be exposed to the authorities.

This will be the last Saw film I will review, at least for a while, as everything I once liked about the series is dead and gone by this point. What remains is a hollow shell filled with exploitative shocks and gore that act as a desperate last attempt to reignite and in some cases retain audience interest in the series.

The gore and the traps have long since become repetitive and samey, though they might be slightly different from the last film, we have seen these traps before we know how they play out- the surprise is gone. The same can be said for the twists. Naturally, as with the other films there is a twist towards the end of the film and what was once a smart narrative tool that made you think the whole film is now just dumb and confusing.

I truly do believe that killing off Jigsaw was the worst thing that this series did to itself, as the apprentices that came afterwards just couldn’t live up to or hope to compete with Jigsaw and Bell’s terrific performance. Equally, the ever-brief flashbacks only serve to show us what we are missing out on by teasing us with more Jigsaw before taking it away once again.

Overall, this film represents everything wrong with the Saw franchise and the sequel in general.

Pros.

It is watchable if you have low standards

Cons.

It is dumb, any of the intelligence that was there during the first few films is truly dead

The gore and the traps feel played out and done for desperate attention

A lack of Jigsaw and Bell

The apprentices are incredibly dull and underdeveloped as characters

0.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Climax: Dance Until You Fall Down

Climax is a French psychological horror film directed by Gaspar Noe. The plot revolves around a dance troupe that unknowingly ingests LSD during an after-performance party, from their things quickly spiral out of control.

This will not be for everyone; I can’t stress that enough. Personally, I found it quite hard to get through and did almost turn it off a few times.

My main reason for this was the lack of any kind of narrative. Other than the dancers ingesting the drugs there is no real sense of plot from there on out, events happen, but they all feel disconnected and isolated perhaps by design. As well there are long drawn out dance sequences which border on the tedious frequently throughout the film and it makes the film a slog to get through.

There are a few tense scenes, such as when the kid dies or when the angry mob almost makes one of the girls kill herself. However, the issue with these scenes is that though well executed because they are so removed from everything else and almost abstract they lose all kind of meaning.

Moreover, don’t even get me started on the ending which is as smug and pretentious as you can get.

Overall, from my perspective this film has a lot of issues, however these issues seems deliberate, so, maybe someone lese with different cinematic sensibilities would like this film, but personally I found it a confusing, pretentious, mess.

Pros

Sofia Boutella

A few tense scenes

Cons.

It makes no real sense

The lack of a coherent narrative really hurts it

The ending is incredibly pretentious

It feels deliberately confusing

1.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Freaky: Vince Vaughn Plays A Teenage Girl Surprisingly Well, Take Note Casting Agents

Freaky is a comedy horror film directed by Christopher Landon. The plot sees nerdy teen Millie (Kathryn Newton), swap bodies with deranged serial killer The Blissfield Butcher (Vince Vaughn), after a failed attempt on her life.

I will preface this review by saying that I am a huge, and I do mean huge, Happy Death Day fan and I went into this film with very high expectations as a result. Though this film does not live up to HDD it still has a lot of interesting moments and heartfelt scenes that make it worth the watch.

Landon’s blend of comedy and horror is once again on full display here and once again he knocks it out of the park, in a stylistic sense Landon is adapt at brining together horror and comedy to make the most out of each. The script as a whole is also reflective of Landon’s talents as I often found myself feeling something, there were emotional scenes such as the one between Vince Vaughn’s character (when possessed by Millie), and her love interest character that I thought were quite touching and sweet, on this regard the film is a triumph.

However, where the film loses marks from me is how the teen characters talk. The opening scene with the group of teens that all get butchered is one of the most cringe scenes I have seen all year, especially with the blond girl who seems to just be a written collection of feminist talking points; luckily for us all this scene is quickly ended, and we don’t meet those characters again. However, Millie’s friend Nyla (Celeste O’ Conner), is equally as poorly written as nearly everything she says feels alien to something a teen would say, though it does get better over the course of the film. This often times forced, awkward dialogue does ruin the film for me to some extent and proves that once again adults should not pretend to know how teens of today speak, as when they try and interpret it, it comes across as stilted.

Overall, an interesting film boosted by Landon’s sensibilities for the most part and from strong performances from Newton and Vaughn, however the dialogue is sometimes skin crawlingly cringe and that really lets the film down.

Pros.

Vaughn

Newton

The horror comedy combination

Interesting ideas and concepts

Cons.

The dialogue has some really bad moments

3.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Saw 4: Always Check A Corpse For Tape Recorders

Saw 4 is a horror film directed by Darren Lyn Bousman. The plot follows the fallout of Jigsaw’s (Tobin Bell) death, with two police detectives facing yet more games, set by Jigsaw from beyond the grave, and we find out that there is yet another apprentice out there.

So by this point in the series the cracks are starting to show. If you have read my Saw 3 review you will note that to me that is the worst out of the first 3 films, however, everything that doesn’t work about that film, everything that takes away from the series as a whole is turned up to 11 here.

Firstly, this film is by no means as smart as the other films, the twist at the end feels predictable, yet another apprentice. Clearly, the series is starting to run out of novel ideas here and is only being kept alive by the small amount of people who like to be grossed out by the series’ gore.

This applies to the traps and games as well as things are starting to mesh together and a becoming overly familiar. The gore here is likewise as boring, it did noting to shock me or to make me feel uncomfortable the closest it came was the ice cube death but even that reeked of desperation; the film is trying to hard to get the audience’s attention throughout.

My biggest issue with this film is the absences of Jigsaw himself, yes I understand the plot line, and this was an eventuality, but Bell brings so much to these films to have him barely be in it feels like an incredible missed opportunity.

Overall the series is in decline and this film proves it.

Pros.

It is still watchable

It further expands the lore

Cons.

It is no longer smart

It feels desperate to be shocking again

The characters are forgettable

There is hardly any Jigsaw in the whole film

2/5

Reviewed by Luke

Saw 3: The Most Off-Putting Scene In All Of Cinema

Saw 3 is a horror film directed by Darren Lynn Bousman. The plot this time sees grieving father Jeff (Angus Macfayden) become the latest person to be ‘tested’ by everyone favourite gaming playing serial killer Jigsaw (Tobin Bell). Jigsaw wants to see if Jeff can forgive the person who murdered his son.

I remember watching this when I was a lot younger, and I remember this being my favourite Saw film; I enjoyed it even more than the original. However, watching it now years later, grown and having watch significantly more films I think it might be the worst of the first 3 Saw films. That is not to say it is bad, but the cracks are starting to show.

The more personal focus on Jeff and his family didn’t really work for me, as he was not a recurring character from a previous film his personality was going to be vital for us the audience to form a connection with him. Sadly, he is a very generic character with nothing special about him: therefore the focus on him and his family proves to be tiresome as you want to focus on someone who is interesting. On the flip side of that, I enjoyed seeing the Jigsaw/ Amanda (Shawnee Smith), relationship play out it was nice character work for both of them and gave the lore an added boost.

The ending, and the twist as all of these films have to have a twist, was not as strong as the previous films either. I understand the creatives originally were not going to include a twist, but they did, and it is not very good. It does not make a huge amount of sense within the narrative of the film and does not put forward anything truly shocking.

Pros.

The Jigsaw/Amanda relationship

The games themselves

Expanding the lore

Cons.

You don’t care about the central character

The gore does become a bit much in this one

3/5

Reviewed by Luke

Saw 2: The Price Of Being A Bad Listener

Saw 2 is a horror film directed by Darren Lyn Bousman. The plot continues the story of everyone’s favourite trap maker, as he tests a group of people to see whether they are worth the gift of life, amongst those people is Daniel (Erik Knudsen), son of famed dirty cop Eric Matthews (Donnie Wahlberg). After the police seemingly capture Jigsaw (Tobin Bell), it is down to Matthews senior to get him to reveal the secrets of his games.

Once again my biggest praise for this film is the ending. I thought the twist, that I won’t reveal here in case you want to watch it, is very smart and despite having seen it before it still shocked me. There is also a twist including a recurring character from the first film and I thought that was equally smart, you don’t realise until the characters do and by then it is too late.

I found the gore to again be tasteful, but I have no issue with gore if you don’t like gore this will not be for you at all. The only scene that made me wince was the first death scene where one of the characters is basically burnt to death, I didn’t like that one.

I thought Tobin Bell was once again excellent, his Jigsaw is the reason I watch these films his ability to say one step ahead of everyone is always very engaging, it is nice to see his backstory get expanded more and we get to see the lore of the series beginning to develop. Wahlberg is fine, nothing special he is fine as a generic protagonist but adds nothing to the film as a whole.

Overall, I found myself slightly more engaged with this one as there was more going on, the first film while great was basically two people trapped in a room for a lot of the film, this had more working parts that flowed nicely together. My only issue with this film that puts it below the first for me is the lead and the performance given by Wahlberg.

Pros.

The expanded backstory and lore

The twists and reveals

The gore

The wider focus on more people

Cons.

Wahlberg

4/5

Reviewed by Luke

Saw: I Want To Play A Game

Saw is a horror film directed by James Wan. The plot follows two men as they wake up in an underground room chained to radiators with hacksaws at their feet, then they hear a voice that tells them it wants to play a game; you all know what happens next.

Now that I am coming to the end of Elm Street I have decided to spend some time with another well know horror franchise, Saw. Unlike Elm street this isn’t about a dream demon, just a man who likes to creative ever more elaborate tests for those he deems unworthy.

I think Tobin Bell makes these films, there is no doubt in my mind that his iconic Jigsaw is one of the best horror antagonists. This is mainly due to the fact that he always seems to have something up his sleeve, contingencies on top of contingencies.

Moreover, the death games that the minds behind saw think up are always interesting to watch play out, rarely are they similar and the gore is done in a way that is appealing and nicely executed. In addition I appreciate how smart things are, the twist at the end of the film is clever and even when you know it is coming it is still impressive to see play out.

On a personal note, I always found the scene where there is a man in the little girls closest to be the most frightening of all, and I can confirm that that is still the case: it is very menacing.

Overall, a lovely smart horror film, as long as you don’t mind a bit of gore.

Pros.

The twist

Tobin Bell

The games themselves

The gore

Cons.

A little repetitive

4.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Nightmare On Elm Street 5, Dream Child: Daddy Freddy

A Nightmare On Elm Street 5 is a slasher horror film directed by Stephen Hopkins. The plot continues to follow new dream warrior Alice (Lisa Wilcox), as she once again has to fight Freddy Krueger (Robert Englund), who has returned from the dead this time using Alice’s unborn babies dreams as a gateway back into our world.

This is by far the strangest nightmare yet, there is a lot of out there ideas that range from the goofy to the downright disturbed. Though Hopkins himself does not like this film, studio meddling once again, I think it has a place amongst the better trips to Elm street. I enjoyed the surreal feel to it and a lot of imagery was unsettling which I felt heightened the film.

Furthermore, the deeper dive into the origins of Freddy was interesting to see how it all began, the monster baby stuff not so much, but the rest of it was intriguing. That said, I found the focus on Alice’s baby, who is or isn’t Freddy’s son? Was bad, I did not care about this future character that is barley set up at all and just appears.

The deaths were a lot of fun, I thought the dinner party kill and the comic book esque kill were probably the best of the bunch, though they all have an entertaining campiness to them that makes them so fun to watch.

Overall, though some of the ideas were poorly thought out, baby Freddy springs to mind, I think because of the clear vison and style this film feels better than a lot of the other instalments.

Pros.

The Kills

The focus on Freddy’s origins

The campy fun

The visuals

Cons

Jacob as a character

Zombie baby Freddy

3.5/5

Reviewed by Luke