Lily’s Ritual: Seedy and Creepy

One of us was able to see this at a film festival in Spain last year, and after things stopped getting in the way they were able to write up a review.

Below is that review.

A young woman is inducted into what she thinks is a wiccan sisterhood but it turns out to be something more sinister.

This film was enough to make you uncomfortable, not in the ways the film wants you to be uncomfortable but because it felt like a creepy old man directing and recording a group of young women in various states of undress and wetness, in terms of their clothing.

Moreover after the twist happens, the demon is interesting and the blood effects work. However the end wherein it is dancing around is just a little too pretentious, it is as though this film thinks it’s art.

Overall the film couldn’t decide if it wanted to be soft core or an art film.

0.5/5

Pros.

It’s short

Cons.

It’s creepy

It’s pretentious

It’s poorly acted

It’s dull

The twist is fairly obvious

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They Will Kill You: Landlords are Satanists

So in this outlets commentary on the killing fields for our latest cinema issues article we thought that this film would be totally eclipsed by Ready or Not 2. However, upon watching this film easily is the better.

Both films have the annoying sister gimmick, however, this one has far less time with them needing to coddle each other and talk about their feelings.

Asia is much cooler and more badass than Grace who rather than turn into a hardened survivor they just tread as a “mess”. The action in particular is great in this film and is well choreographed for the most part.

The Satanist stuff towards the end gets a little convoluted herein, but for the most part it works well as flavouring. It is again very similar to Ready or Not but it manages to be different in that the Devil figure behind the forces in this film takes a more active role. It must be stated the gimmick of immortality makes the stakes feel a hell of a lot lower.

Overall, a good film if a little flawed at times in terms of premise.

1/5

Pros.

Zazie Beetz is great

The action is good

The ending is amusing

Cons.

The pacing

The sister stuff as well as the immorality are plot issues

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Ready Or Not 2: No One Is Looking For This

Summary, Samara Weaving is back to play hide and seek.

This film was incredibly disappointing and not needed. Firstly the film did away with a lot of the humour of the first film, and for the most part was a more serious affair, mistake number 1. There was some humour but it was far more few and far between.

Secondly, the relationship between Weaving’s character and her sister played by Kathryn Newton was irritating. In the middle of being hunted they would stop and have a spat about who left who in the orphanage, it made no sense they would do that. Also the drama between the sisters and the need for them to work through it has been done to death. You’ve seen it in a number of films and done much better than this.

Thirdly there were whole shots wherein you just knew they were doing it so teen girls on Tiktok would go “yaaaas slay queen aesthetics”, these shots didn’t actually do anything to advance the plot but were done to appeal to the former Tumblr these days the blue sky crowd.

Overall, whilst this film slightly expands on the world of the film and you could argue that as a positive in nearly every other way it’s a regressive sequel that harms the first for having been made.

1/5

Pros.

It expands out the world

Cons.

The ending is bad

The humour is toned back

The sister stuff is boring and repetitive

The stuff for aesthetics

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House Of The Long Shadows: Attempting Welsh Accents

Summary, a manor house in Wales sees some horrific goings on.

It was nice to see this love letter to Hammer, however it did waste the talents of the returning cast of legends. None of them were starring or given all that much to do.

The slasher aspect had appeal, as seeing Peter Cushing, Vincent Price and Christopher Lee together in a slasher film is a new concept for the three. However the ending of the film ruined that by having a screw the audience flavour.

The ending of the film had two twists firstly all the slasher antics were the actions of the lead’s publisher and then after that the whole story including the publisher twist was all in the lead’s book that he was writing. This removed all the stakes and made it lame.

Overall, it edges a positive score more because of the cast than anything else however, the ending really ruins it’s chances of getting any higher.

3/5

Pros.

The cast

The unique premise

It is well paced

Cons.

The ending

The twists

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The Bride: The Most Brutal Curb Stop Since American History X

Summary, a new take on the Bride of Frankenstein.

It seems no matter where you go people didn’t like this film, to some it is too feminist, to others the Bride is unlikeable etc. Regardless, this film was an enjoyable take on the character.

Jessie Buckley’s manic monologues were a bad choice for sure, but her character wasn’t unlikeable or too feminist as others say. She was a real person who had suffered greatly at the hands of the world and wanted someone to pay, she developed a real love for Frankenstein, Christian Bale, over the course of the film and this was quite affecting on screen.

Stylistically the film was all over the place, and tried to be an art film and also something more commercial, not realising you can’t be both. It was very apparent as you were watching, that it was made by an early career director, but everyone has to start somewhere and this was perfectly serviceable.

Overall, not as bad as you’ve heard, but surely not one to rush out to either.

2.5/5

Pros.

The style mostly works

The Bonnie and Clyde feel of it

The ending

Cons.

The odd monologues

The pacing was off

It felt totally confused at times

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Missing Child Video Tape: A Mountain of Madness

Summary, after his brother went missing many years ago at the summit of a mysterious mountain a Japanese man and his roommate go on a journey to try and find him.

As far as ghost stories go this was quite effective, there were a number of twists and turns wherein your expectations are subverted, for example there was a time when it appeared as though the lead had killed his brother. The ending needed further clarity however, as the ending implied a number of things but nothing really directly. This was likely done so you could imagine the ending yourself and have your own interpretation however, it would have been nicer if there could have been more of a structured answer.

It does atmospheric well, and the horror mainly comes from creepy moments, and the overall vibe rather than from jump scares. If that is what you’re looking for arguably this is not the film for you.

An effective J-Horror film let down somewhat by its ending.

3/5

Pros.

The atmosphere

The scares

The twists and turns

Cons.

The ending

The pacing

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Cold Storage: Being Named After A Biscuit

Summary, a couple of storage workers accidentally release a deadly alien organism.

In a post Stranger Things world, it is noticeable that Joe Keery is trying to stay in the genre space. This in many ways felt very similar to older genre stuff such as Hole or something of that nature wherein it isn’t quite YA but is softer horror.

Keery was a likeable enough lead and anchored the film but it was a shame the film didn’t give us more of Liam Nesson considering he was the big name on the poster.

The film isn’t scary so much as it is gross, and if that’s what you’re into then you’ll enjoy this film. It is enjoyable but not really as a horror film.

Overall, fun and not much more

3.5/5

Pros.

Keery

The little we get of Nesson

It’s a nice little adventure

Its well paced

Cons.

It doesn’t really work as a horror film

The leads have no chemistry

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Cinema Issues: The Death Of Film Criticism

Once upon a time film criticism was respectable, you had your Eberts and later Kermodes. However, then came the internet wherein the access critic really began to flourish.

These people are often flown out to movie premieres given goodie bags and nice meals in exchange for saying a film is the best thing ever. They shill for films and studios on their social media channels, sometimes even taking sponsorships from them. Needless to say this shows the perverting of film criticism you cannot be objective and be in the pocket of a studio’s marketing department.

Then again you see that’s the gig, these “reviewers” need early access in order to stand out, as their actual analysis is weak. As such they are indebted to the studios. They want to rub elbows with celebrities and feel like a somebody when that was never supposed to be the role of the reviewer. The reviewer was either an art appreciator giving their opinion on the art they saw, or a man of the people telling you whether a film was worth the price or not. The issue was these people wanted to try and turn themselves into celebrities, they wanted to chase fame through film criticism usually after other failed careers, see Grace Randolph, or John Campea for that. This made them lose sight of what they were doing.

Much like independent coverage and citizen journalism is bringing balance back to news coverage we need that here. We need film opinions that don’t chase fame, we need honest conversations that don’t worry about upsetting left wing or right wing, we need to look at the films we see through the prism of was that an enjoyable film or not. If we don’t then more and more critics will just become irrelevant, increasingly they already are.

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Cinema Issues: The Failure of the Scream 7 Boycott

In this Cinema Issues article we are talking about the backlash to Scream 7.

At first we were not going to cover this as it gives bad faith actors too much attention however as the weekend drew on and they escalated and escalated we decided to jump in.

If you don’t know Melissa Barrera was fired from the Scream franchise, or chose to leave if you believe her, as she said some abhorrent things about Israel. The idiotic Pro Palestine crowd got very upset about this and had big feelings, and decided they were going to boycott Scream 7 to teach Paramount a lesson.

Then came the second wave, just before the film released a number of “critics” gave the film terrible reviews most having not watched it, or judging the film not based on its own merits but with the politics around it. People like John Campea got so upset that he said the film needed to “Rot In Hell”, yes this is the same John Campea who has casually said the N word despite being very white before now. As you could see they decided to put any sense of professionalism to one side to try and attack the film and punish the people that did the thing they didn’t like politically.

Then came the final wave, the “fans” who all came out of the woodwork to say how this was the worst Scream ever, they didn’t understand fundamental parts of the film such as why the new killers use AI to try and remind Sidney of her past killer status. Or they harp on about how it mentions New York a few times, a reference to Neve Campbell’s absence from the last film, not to the Carpenter Sisters but hey. These “fans” would have lapped it up if Melissa had still been the main character.

The best thing about all of this is that not only did these people destroy their credibility and reveal themselves for being bad faith actors, but also that they failed. The film had a bigger box office opening weekend than any of the films in the series even when you adjust all the others for inflation. Scream 8 is already in pre-production, and the franchise has never looked healthier. Much like with how they tried to boycott Hogwarts Legacy and then that failed this goes to show you just how little power these activists have and how irrelevant they are.

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Scream 7: Free Scream From Melissa Barrera

Summary: The franchise goes back to it’s roots and brings back Sidney, Neve Campbell.

So we’ll say this up front, a hell of a lot of the reviews aren’t talking about the film at all they are talking about politics. They don’t like that Melissa Barrera was fired for abhorrent political views and think trashing the film now will give her some retribution? Anyway, if they want to destroy their own credibility then fine, but for us it’s on with the show.

So for the most part this was an enjoyable film, it was good to see Sidney again, I would have liked slightly more Gale but it was still a cheer worthy moment when she came back, taking down the killer.

It would have been a better pay off if Stu was in fact the killer, even with the weird amnesia angle, as it stood it is a little underwhelming when they reveal who the killers are. However, it works in a meta sense if you think the fans are the killer, the fans’ demand for Sidney to come back etc. If you think about it like that it still works. There is a good chance they may actually bring back Stu for Scream 8.

The teens weren’t given a whole lot to do, and were all distractingly old for teens, Isabel May specifically. The ending that had her follow in her mother’s survivor footsteps was good, however, the relationship between her and Sidney was a bit wooden, there could have been more done to make that feel real and human.

Overall, fun and enjoyable with only a few minor issues.

4/5

Pros.

The focus on Sidney

The ending transformation of Tatum

Joel McHale stole the scenes he was in

Gale’s entrance

Cons.

The reveal is a little weak, but works in a meta sense.

Isabel May needs to be less wooden

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