Book Of Love: Don’t You Just Hate It When Your Novel Gets Turned Into Porn?

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Henry, played by Sam Claflin, is an author of an unsuccessful book. However, one day it begins rocketing through the Mexican bestsellers list and as such Henry must travel to the country in order to do press for the book, during which time he meets Maria, played by Veronica Echegui, his translator and the two develop feelings for each other.

No one will say to you this is the next great rom-com because it really isn’t. It will not set the world on fire, but it is watchable. You have seen this film many times before of course, as the plot beat for beat feels taken wholly from other genre films, but translated in a slightly worse way.

I enjoyed Sam Claflin, he rarely can do wrong, I thought his uptight uber British Henry had quite a few funny moments throughout the film. I do think there are a number of times when Henry borders on becoming stereotypical, but luckily the film never pushes him that far.

Claflin and his co-lead Echegui don’t have much chemistry together on-screen which gradually becomes more and more of a problem as the film goes on. Luckily by the end of the film it has given up on any semblance of logic and just starts throwing things at us, which even though it doesn’t make sense makes the film interesting.

Overall, a very bog standard rom-com, you have seen this before.

Pros.

Claflin

A few funny moments

It is watchable

Cons.

The leads have no chemistry

It is too familiar

It has pacing issues

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I Want You Back: Charlie Day, The Rom-Com Lead You Didn’t Know You Needed

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Charlie Day and Jenny Slate play two recently dumped people who conspire together to get back together with their exes.

No one will ever say this film is original. It really isn’t. Yet it does manage to make you feel something with a plot you have seen hundreds of times before and surely that is something too. It takes a stale premise and makes it warm and sweet.

The warmth of the film is in large part down to the great chemistry between Day and Slate, both of them seem to be really trying and giving it their all and it works you buy into their relationship and want to see them together.

The film is also anchored by strong supporting turns from Gina Rodriguez, Scott Eastwood and Manny Jacinto, all of whom bring something to the film and enrich it in their own way. Eastwood in particular is probably the best I’ve seen him here and he should really do more films like this and less straight to DVD action films.

In terms of toxicity, refreshingly this is non-toxic and actually has quite a nice message, the leads lie and manipulate people for their own ends and then get punished for it, but in doing so eventually get over their exes and move on.

Overall, sweet, warming and nice. A good valentine’s day film.

Pros.

Slate

Day

The supporting cast

The emotion

Cons.

Pacing issues, mainly a slow start

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Bad Grandpa: Is This What We Have Been Reduced To?

1.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Not quite a Jackass movie, Johnny Knoxville and his entourage are back, this time trying to convince people that Knoxville is an old man who does random things.

This film is egregiously not funny, and not only is it not funny, but it then repeats the same jokes and set ups over and over again to well beyond the point of irritation. After you pass the point of irritation with this film you are left sitting there thinking to yourself why am I torturing myself by watching this, why don’t I value my own free time? These are questions better left unanswered.

The joke of course is that Knoxville is dressed up like an old man, but rather unlike an old man does stupid stunts or behaves reprehensibly in order to get a laugh from the audience who unlike those he is impacting know that it is a joke. More so that anything this film strikes me as incredibly desperate, it is sad to see the once funny Jackass crew be reduced to this.

Also all of the stunts are incredibly tame, it can’t even land the wince inducing angle anymore.

Overall, bland, not funny and desperate.

Pros,

It is short

I found the ‘shitbird’ line funny

Cons.

Mostly it is deeply unfunny

It repeats its jokes

It is tame

It is desperate

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Uncharted: Tom Holland Can’t Act

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A child, played by Tom Holland, tries desperately hard to prove himself as an action man and reminds us all why video game movies don’t work.

Well, I hate to say I told you so. I remember many people had an issue with me saying Tom Holland and Mark Wahlberg were totally miscast as Drake and Sully and told me to wait and see the final thing before I commented, well I have seen it now and yeah I was right.

This film is not bad hence it not getting lower, but it is aggressively average and dull. It tries desperately hard to supply gamers with member berries, even bringing back the Nathan Drake voice actor for an extended cameo, but even this is not enough to give it a personality or soul.

Wahlberg is playing Wahlberg and Holland is playing Holland. It will win me no fans to say this but this film proves my point about Holland once again, he is a fine Spider-Man, but taken out of the MCU he has all the range of someone in a high school play. Holland better hope they keep needing him to play Spidey as outside of the MCU he will quickly be forgotten about as a non-talent.

The two try and have some banter together, which feels like an attempt at MCU style comedy, this mostly doesn’t work and misses the mark sometimes even being groan inducing.

The only silver lining I have for this film is that Sophia Ali is actually quite capable as Chloe Frazer and is an interesting character in the film. I found Ali to capture the duality of the character well, as she is able to convey her as both an ally and a possible betrayer. Sadly, Chloe isn’t given much to do.

Overall, Sony’s big bet on Tom Holland is widely a bust and so ends yet another needless videogame adaption.

Pros.

Ali

It is watchable

Cons

Holland and Wahlberg

It is boring

It never justifies its existence

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The Absurd, Surreal, Metaphysical And Fractured Destiny Of Cerebus The Aardvark: A New Candidate For Best Animated Feature Has Arrived

5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

An animated heist film with a self-reflective Aardvark, voiced by John Di Crosta.

This film struck a chord with me. There was just something about it I really enjoyed. The thing I perhaps enjoyed most of all was the wonderful absurdist elements that both made me laugh but were also quite deep and introspective at times, this film really goes places.

In that vein I thought the writing was clever and really helped the film to excel. The runtime flew by and by the end of it you are asking for more, if only more films could be paced liked this. The characters all felt fully realised and rounded, you ended up caring about each of them and becoming somewhat lost in the world.

The animation was beautiful and really highlighted what can be achieved on a budget. I thought the animation had way more personality than a lot of the samey looking animated films that come out, and that brought with it a lot of charm. I think the animators of this film deserve a pat on the back, they did top notch work.

Overall, a magnificent film that definitely deserves a watch.

Pros.

The world

The characters

The animation

The heart

The absurdity

Cons.

None

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MILF: Reclaiming Your Sexual Peak

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A group of mature women start affairs with younger men during summer vacation.

This film makes a very interesting point, many films feature narratives about an older man sleeping with a younger woman but few feature narratives about older women sleeping with younger men and this film aims to address that and normalise it. I think this is a positive in that it is a step towards gender equality within cinema.

Though I would class this film as a comedy-drama, it does try to do jokes however often these don’t land and for me the comedy is more miss than hit, although that might just be a result of my comedic sensibilities. Comedy is deeply subjective.

In terms of pacing the film starts out strong and delivers quite an entertaining first act, but after that it starts to struggle and the pacing gets worse. By the third act the film struggles to keep going, yet somehow also manages to overstay its welcome.

Overall, an important film that readdresses norms and that lands a few laughs, but also one that overstays its welcome.

Pros.

Readdressing narrative cliches

A few good jokes

A strong first act

Cons.

The third act drags

The sex scenes begin to feel needless, tasteless and repetitive over time

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Ghosts Of The Ozarks: The 90s Want Their CGI Back

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

In post-civil war Arkansas supernatural frights seem to be around every turn.

I understand that not every film is given a multimillion dollar budget, but this film looks like it was made from the change found down the back of someone’s sofa. I won’t harp on about this, but I do think even with a small budget this film could have done a lot more with its effects and scares if it possessed some more imagination, sadly money doesn’t seem to be the only thing in short supply.

I have no idea why David Arquette and Tim Blake Nelson are in this film, maybe it is a Movie 43 type deal and they are being coerced. Neither is given very much to do and both have to suffer through a terrible script. Which for the most part is a hodgepodge of different genre cliches and stereotypes with nothing ever coming close to originality.

There was a brief moment after I realised that this film was bad wherein I was optimistic that maybe it would be so bad it is good, however that optimism was soon stripped from me and I was just left with a mediocre bad film.

Overall, this film should probably have come out in January, it would have fit right in.

Pros.

A few interesting ideas

Cons.

Said cool idea remain undeveloped

It isn’t scary

It looks awful

It wastes its cast

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The Love Guru: The Film That Killed Mike Myers’ Career

0.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A love guru, played by Mike Myers, is tasked with restoring a hockey team that has fallen on hard times due to personal issues.

This is the film that killed Mike Myers’ career, this is the film that potentially stopped us from ever having a Shrek 5, if that doesn’t make you hate this film I don’t know what will.

How Mike Myers and everyone else involved could ever have thought this film would be funny is beyond me. Not only is the lead a culturally appropriated stereotype, but every joke in the film is so deeply juvenile and crass you would be surprised that it wasn’t written by teenagers.

Worse yet this film really struggles with knowing when it is time to let a joke end, and repeats the same unfunny jokes over and over again hoping in vein that it might suddenly become funny, sadly no such luck, instead you are driven to the point of irritation.

Somewhat bafflingly Myers, who even in his worst films is still likeable, manages to be totally unlikeable here and often comes across as feeling smug whilst on-screen. I guess he was just so certain that this film was going to be a huge hit that he just got ahead of himself.

Overall, there exists a universe out there where this film never got made and we got a Shrek 5 instead.

Pros.

It’s at least short

Cons.

It’s not funny

It is repetitive

Myers isn’t likeable

The side characters are boring cliches

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Dirty Grandpa: A Whole New Side To Robert De Niro

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A man, played by Zac Efron, and his Grandfather, played by Robert De Niro, travel cross country together and get into some hijinks.

In many ways this is a bad film, however, for me at least it crosses over into so bad it is good territory. Many have condemned this film as racist, sexist and homophobic, and whilst all those things are valid and true there is also something perversely entertaining about watching an actor with such a storied career as De Niro humiliate himself like this, especially as it all seems in good fun.

Though the film often fails at its attempts to be funny through edgy joke after edgy joke there are some laughs to be had, this mainly happens when the film isn’t trying to be funny yet is unintentionally hilarious at the same time. Moreover, Aubrey Plaza is a comedic force in this film and steals almost every scene she is in. Though this isn’t Plaza’s funniest performance it certainly is up there, I thought she was by far and away the silver lining of this film.

Overall, something about this film just makes me laugh, and whilst I will never say it is a good film it is certainly so hilariously bad it is heading that way.

Pros.

De Niro doing his best Danny DeVito impersonation

Plaza

Unintentionally hilarious

Cons.

There are quite a number of troublesome moments

It has pacing issues and the second act drags

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Piranha 3DD: How Many Sex Jokes Does It Take To Be Funny? This Film Never Found Out

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A film about objectifying women and then watching evil fish rip them apart.

Just from looking at a poster you know that this film knows who it is playing to…. Horny people going to get their titillation at the cinema, as well as those of us whose guilty pleasure is schlocky B movie esque horror. Both of whom will be slightly let down by this film.

In many ways this film tries to be tongue in cheek with its vulgar voyeuristic side, but struggles often to make its creepy camera angles feel in any way like self-satire or parody. In this vein the film is awash with poor female representation, despite having a female lead in Danielle Panabaker, it’s female characters are mostly given stereotypical roles and are ranked in importance under how they look more so than anything else.

Panabaker’s involvement with this is disappointing as she has proven from her other roles that she is a really talented actor, so here it feels as though she is slumming it. Yes, maybe she just wanted the cash, but it still saddens me to see her brought low like this.

Overall, self-referencing your own perviness does not somehow make it less bad.

Pros.

Some B movie esque charm to be found if you look deep enough.

Cons.

The poor female representation

It does nothing to distinguish itself from its predecessor

Panabaker deserves better

It has pacing issues

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