Night Bitch: Amy Adams Grows A Tail

A film about a mother, Amy Adams, who can transform into a dog.

So this film isn’t bad, but I do question who it was for? It is not a fantasy film, nor is it a horror film and I certainly wouldn’t call it a comedy, it is an odd sort of a film that will find it hard to find an audience. It is a drama film about a stay at home mother who is so bored and trapped that to escape from her tedium she transforms into a dog at night to be free. It is full of the angst of being a mother that is now present in a lot of films on the topic, as the mother character wallows in their lack of freedom and how their life was better before they had the kid, mixed with relationship drama and sniping.

Scoot McNairy is quicky building himself a reputation as the weedy sort of husband that is a pushover and basically a man child, he is the source of a lot of the conflict in the film as he is not a great father. The final realisation of his character being that he needs to do more and take over more parenting responsibilities is such an obvious one you question why he didn’t already know it at the start of the film as it is basic information any adult should know.

I would argue that Adams natural charisma is the only thing holding this film together and that with a weaker actor it would fall apart.

Overall, this is an odd film and not what a lot of people would want or expect, Adams is strong but the films platitudes on life and motherhood are all a good few years out of date.

2.5/5

Pros.

Adams

It has a few laughs

It is paced reasonably well

Cons.

It has nothing fresh to say about motherhood

It is not the genre it is sold as, this is a drama film and nothing else

The relationship drama is overplayed

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Mary: Jesus Who?

Summary

Mary, Noa Cohen, yes that Mary is given the girl boss treatment.

So turns out the Angel Garbriel also came to prophesied the birth of Mary as well, turns out Jesus wasn’t so special after all, and that Mary was probably more important than Jesus because of her female power to birth him. I am woman hear me roar, who cares if Jesus died for our sins and was the Son of God, if you believe in that, he was a male and therefore no longer worth being considered special. His privilege has been checked.

There was just no need for this film, I don’t know who it was for? Religious folks are going to hate it as it is the most bastardised version of the Nativity story I have seen recently, the anti-western, anti-Semitic, pro-Palestine/ pro-Hamas folks don’t like it, as they cast an Israeli in the lead role. General audiences don’t care about a long drawn out biblical epic, look at Exodus. It seems to be more of Netflix looking for a reason to burn money.

Overall, if you want festive religious viewing you would be better served watching almost anything else. This is a bible epic designed to make everyone angry.

0.5/5

Pros.

You get a few chuckles out of how bad it is

Cons.

The girl boss stuff

They feel the need to update a story rather than just do something new and fresh

No one will like it

It is too long

It is poorly acted

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The Holdovers: Away At Christmas

Summary

Paul Giamatti plays a man obsessed with ancient Rome and who gets stuck watching some private school kids over Christmas.

Honestly I think this film was massively overrated. I saw why it won academy awards it feels like the sort of film that would win them, but should it have? For example, though Da’Vine Joy Randolph won for her role as a grieving mother, the only performance that stirred me towards feelings any kind of emotion was Giamatti. This final scene where his life has basically imploded is far more emotional that Randolph’s character who mopes and occasionally makes a sassy comment.

I think in many ways like a Pixar film this film was trying to manipulate you with its arc into feeling something into caring, all films do this to a degree, but when the kids father was in an asylum it was clear the film wanted to hit you in the feels. The issue with this artificial approach of course is that it feels disingenuous, it doesn’t feel real or authentic and as such it seems shallow within its emotional resonance.

Overall, a sad film and one that is not all that impressive.

2/5

Pros.

Giamatti

The score is fantastic

Cons.

It is emotionally manipulative in an obvious way

It is badly paced

It is overhyped

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Woman Of The Hour: Anna Kendrick Needs Her Ego Stroking

Summary

Netflix indulges yet another narcissist.

This time it is Anna Kendrick who wants to direct herself in a film she thinks is going to raise awareness about serial killers.

So once again quality is sacrificed so that Netflix can stroke a famous person’s ego. I don’t know who told Kendrick that she was a good director but whoever it was wasn’t a true friend as true friends don’t lie.

You get a fairly standard serial killer story which might entertain you if you are in the mood for some low brow Netflix trash that lacks any kind of substance. Kendrick doing press for this tried to say that the film had all these deep things to say about society, it really doesn’t in anyway.

I found the acting to feel very much like acting and the film and a dislikable almost self-aware like quality to it with it feeling almost like Kendrick was looking into the camera a few times, if this is her directorial style I don’t like it.

Overall, Netflix needs to start putting quality first.

2/5

Pros.

It is watchable

It is short

Cons.

Kendrick is a bad director

The performances are bad

It lacks any originality

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Timestalker: One Of The Most Unlikable Characters In Cinema History

Summary

A woman, Alice Lowe, reincarnates over and over again chasing after a guy who doesn’t like her back.

This film was a vanity project much like Woman of the Year, review coming soon. Lowe’s other films have also drawn from her own life, but here not only is she actor and star but the whole film is an effort in narcissism. This is textual meaning that in the plot of the film the central character and her desire is the plot of the film, there is nothing more to it than that, there is no character growth, she likes the guy then eventually realises he will never be the one for her but then ends the film with him liking her causing a character development regression and undoing the growth.

To make matters worse the film has nothing to say, it is about a thin as a McDonalds paper bag, it is shallow and the character unlikable. You may root or care for her if she wasn’t so self-involved yet she is so you don’t. The film borrows a lot from the dark comedies of Ben Wheatley yet unlike his work in say Sightseers for example, there is no subtext here no broad commentary and crucially no jokes.

I don’t think I laughed once during the entirety of the film, and I would say that no one else in the entire cinema did, but then no one else was there.

Overall, I think it is sad that films like this get made because in British circles Lowe is a minor name, a better film that could have made more and been more highly praised could have been made with this money.

1/5

Pros.

It is relatively short

Cons.

It isn’t funny

It is boring

It has nothing to say

Lowe isn’t very good in it

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Megalopolis: At Least Aubrey Plaza Seems To Be Having Fun

Summary

An old man believes his own hype and makes a mess he calls art.

For all of you who may defend this film and call it art don’t bother. Too often these days if a film flops or is a trainwreck there will be a small group of people, be they political bed fellows of the film’s message or just those wanting to seem cool by liking something everyone else doesn’t.

The issue with films like this is that it makes studios more hesitant to take chances on other big budget films in the future that might be a bit more risky and for what an old man’s vanity. The writing was on the wall for this film when it struggled to get distribution plus the fact thar Coppola’s last few films have been pretty bad.

Rather unsurprisingly this is a mess, it has neither fully formed characters or anything you could call a plot, it is just a series of people and things loosely tied together. The narrative post release is that it is art and supposed to be hard to understand and to figure out, but that just sounds like an excuse to be trash to me.

Overall, Coppola should have stuck to making wine.

0.5/5

Pros.

It is funny bad at times

Cons.

It makes no sense

It has no story

The cast are wasted

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My Old Ass: A Narcissistic Fantasy

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A young woman, Meghan Park, comes off age whilst getting phone calls from her older self, Aubery Plaza.

This film was made for a specific type of person, who that is I don’t know. It is not funny and has a really depressing ending, if that sounds like your idea of a good time head on down.

It feels like it is trying to go for the Safety Not Guaranteed sort of feel the oddball comedy vibe, it has a quirky family it has some out their elements to try and drive things along, yet it never actually hits it in a satisfying way.

There is also rather a lot of quite graphic lesbian scenes, which get to a point wherein you question how needed they were for the plot. They could have lent in for a kiss and then moved on, it does feel a little over the top. One cannot hope but feel like if this was done by a male director the film would have got far more criticism for it.

Plaza is as good as ever, the younger cast mostly are irritating as they say meaningless gen z buzz words like ‘omg the world is literally on fire right now’ and oh such garbage, also what is there solution to the world being in such a bad spot is it to help someone or volunteer for a charity nope its to get high and go on their phones. Also the focus placed on the main characters sexuality also felt incredibly modern day, so she’s bi big whoop, we really don’t need the whole big subplot of oh but she’s never liked boys before, when she no doubt had crushes before as they say later in the film she was into Biber.

Overall, maybe one to give a miss

2/5

Pros.

Plaza

A few good laughs

Cons.

It is tonally all over the place

The younger characters are annoying

It is depressing

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Joker Two: The Worst Comic Book Movie Ever Made?

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Todd Phillips performs career seppuku and inflicts major damage on the character of the Joker possibly forever.

I will open with a question and it might be slightly rhetorical but I want you to think about it, who goes into a superhero/supervillain film wanting to see the character degraded to such a point that the film decides it in good taste for them to have a long drawn out rape scene wherein the character is assaulted repeatedly?

This film hates the Joker and it hates you. I am all for the Reeves’ side project being gritty and dark but this just feels horrible. I understand that this is not in the Reeves’ universe but my point is more so about grit in superhero/villain films, there comes a point where you have to ask is this necessary. I think you’ll find the answer if you look hard enough, its no just in case you didn’t get it.

It reads very much as someone who clearly didn’t want to make a sequel being forced into it, as he goes out of his way to make the film terrible and even offensive to fans and people who care about the character. It was like what people said about the director’s approach to the fourth Matrix film but even worse.

The musical aspects feel unnecessary and a normally good Lady Gaga here just feels out of place. They happen as somewhat of a pallet cleanse from all the rest of the horribleness but it makes you wistful, you wish the whole film could be like that so you didn’t have to go back to it.

The courtroom drama aspects feel like an embodiment of the social media discourse around the first films release in a way, and that makes the film feel even more born out of an online discussion rather than from a place of love or even interest in this character.

Basically due to how Phillips has handled this what could have been a profitable little Elseworld’s franchise for DC is dead. These characters are dead. I would if I was Gunn and co not even use the Joker for a while after, allowing the bad memory this allow the bad to fade away in time.

Overall, Phillips should never work again.

0/5

Pros.

None

Cons.

It hates you

It hates the characters

It has the first film

It hates comic book fun

It hates itself

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The Founder: The Father Of Ronald McDonald

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

McDonalds is evil.

So finding out about how McDonalds came to be what it is today could be a very rah rah sort of affair, very pro Ronald, however I have to say I liked that this film showed McDonalds for being the twisted company it is. It didn’t pull its punches, you see the lives ruined the dreams smashed and the horror that happened along the way.

I thought that Micheal Keaton was electric as Roy Kroc, the milkshake salesman turned CEO of McDonalds, he chewed up the scene as a pro business take no prisoners capitalist. He both had that Tony Stark level of confidence where you can’t help but like him whilst also hating him for all the terrible things he’s doing at the same time.

I like that it tried to convey a smaller time period in the company and man’s life rather than trying to cover his whole life, it felt like more of a time capsule and more well done as a result.

Overall, a pretty good biopic about a titan of the fast food industry.

3/5

Pros.

Keaton

The pace

It isn’t bias

Cons.

It is a bit slow at times

It focuses a bit too much on Roy’s love life

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Reawakening: Life Changing Conversations Whilst Playing With Model Trains

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

After ten years missing a young woman shows up on her parent’s door step, but is it really her?

This film is well done and well-acted but not one that you would want to watch more than once. It is in that same category with films like Locke brilliantly done but depressing as hell and with no rewatch value at all. Once the mystery is revealed, the final nail is placed in the coffin of rewatching this film, and in a sense that is fine you don’t need to watch everything 100 times for it to be good.

Jared Harris and Juliet Stevenson are both fantastic as grieving parents who desperately want to see their daughter again, and both display such a terrific range, going from stunned silences into fits of rage and heartbreak within a matter of moments, it truly is a masterclass in terms of performance.

Overall, it is a good film but not likely one anyone will want to watch more than once.

3/5

Pros.

The performances

Its engaging

The pay off

Cons.

It is depressing

It has some pacing issues

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