Ballerina: Ghosts Of Girlbosses Past

Eve, Ana De Armas, is the female John Wick, Keanu Reeves, only she is not motivated by the death of a dog rather the death of her father.

So I ended up seeing this twice as I didn’t quite know how I felt about it, it is not terrible, but it is not good either. It does somethings like the worldbuilding very well, as do all the Wick movies, however, Eve as a character is fundamentally uninteresting. The issue really stems from the fact that they don’t give Eve any personality, other than her quest for vengeance we don’t really know her as a character, Wick himself has charm and you can see he is a rounded character, whereas Eve is just a woman on a mission and seemingly has nothing more to her than that. There was a scene early on when she was in training when it seemed like she might have a friend, this could have improved the character and made her feel more real, but that quickly fades away into nothing.

The action was mostly solid and I liked how they acknowledged that Eve couldn’t beat most of these guys in a straight fight and so needed to fight dirty, that did some positive work in getting rid of girlboss tropes. Though conversely, the film may have messed up Series lore having John taking jobs in between the films that we were not previously aware of, as well as raising the question of where was Eve during the quadrilogy

The song at the end was cringe that is quite true, it was a weird note to end things on, as though in the final moments they decided to become a girlboss film.

Overall, a very mixed bag for everything good it does it also does something bad.

2.5/5

Pros.

The action

Going against girl boss tropes

The world

Cons.

The ending song

It messes up the timeline

Eve was as a character very flat

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In The Lost Lands: Zack Snyder Is That You?

Summary

Mila Jovovich is back for another fantasy action role, but can it live up to her past glories?

I enjoyed this film, I thought it had a great sense of style, and an interesting world rife for exploring. The issue, however, is that this feels like a film set in a world that you are already supposed to know, in other words it feels like a part two rather than a new film. This goes through every aspect of the film from characters to plot points, to the fact that magic and demons exist. None of this is really explored in any detail it is just there.

Jovovich still has it in terms of action and is believable as Sister Alice, however, her chemistry with Batista is none existent. To the point that when they somewhat get together at the end of the film it makes little to no sense.

In a sense despite being directed by Paul W.S Anderson, this feels like a Zack Snyder film. It has a lot of cool looking visuals and a great world ready to be explored, but in terms of storytelling, character development or sense it just is not there.

Overall, style over substance.

2/5.

Pros.

A cool world

Good visuals

The Badlands are interesting

Cons.

The characters are underdeveloped

The chemistry isn’t there

It makes no sense

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Novocaine: The Soft Man’s John Wick

Summary

Jack Quaid cannot feel pain.

So this film had some good gross out moments and the action was pretty solid, but it did not do enough to get past its very so so plot. It sorely wants to be a more comedic take on something like John Wick with him going after the bad guys to get his girlfriend, Amber Mindhunter, back. However, they don’t really explore him as a character beyond this.

The side characters and villains are equally as underdeveloped, they fill the role the script needs them to but they are barely beyond one dimensional and struggle to stay in your mind when they go off the screen

Overall, fluff lacking any kind of substance

2/5

Pros.

The action

A few funny moments

Cons.

The plot is very forgettable

The characters are underdeveloped

It has pacing issues

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Mission Impossible The Final Reckoning: The Geriatric Stuntman

Summary

Ethan hunt is back for one final adventure.

There is nothing final about this film, the idea this is the last Mission Impossible film is a fallacy. This film is terrified of doing anything that has a whiff of ending to it. Killing off characters? Nah, Having people retire at the end? Nah. Actually properly wrapping up the plot? Nah.

There are ridiculous scenes such as where Hunt, Tom Cruise, is falling without a parachute to certain death and yet he magically manages to find one in the next shot. Or when Benji, Simon Pegg, is shot and looks like he is going to die yet lives thanks to some simple medical hack, who knew getting shot was so easy to walk off. The only person they do kill is Luther, Ving Rhames, and even then I would not be surprised if he came back in another film. Honestly the plot armour is so thick here it gets to the point where even if everyone fired off their nuclear arsenals Hunt and co would be just fine.

Then you have the long self-indulgent bloat, the film is on for an ungodly amount of time and why? Does it put it to good use? No it does it to cram in as much pointless nostalgia as possible, remember the security guard from one of the earlier films? No well you are going to meet him and spend a bunch of time with his family. This feels like one of those times where you needed a cruel studio executive to force through cuts and get the film into better shape.

Overall, reheated slop that needs to die off as a franchise. It has had its time, it is over.

2/5

Pros.

Some dumb fun

Pom Klementieff is a great addition

Cons.

It is too scared for meaningful character death

It is bloated

It is boring at times

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The CCP Kid

Summary

The Smith family have found something they like more than open relationships, and it’s the CCP.

So as a kid and before I was franchise literate I watched this film and liked it, however, after Cobra Kai ended I went back and rewatched all the Karate Kid films and found that this one is likely the worst.

There are two key reasons why this film sticks out for all the wrong reasons. Firstly, it is a shot for shot remake of the original film at times, yes sometimes they try and riff on it and do something different with certain shots, but for the most part it is shot for shot the same. This isn’t a loving homage its damn near plagiarism.

The second is the fact that this film is so in love with the Chinese Communist Party, a party that harvests prisoner’s organs without consent, a party that commits genocide against its minorities, a party that locks away anyone who speaks out of turn. The fact that this whole film feels like its trying to be a visit China advertising campaign makes me feel a little sick.

Overall, a Temu rip off of an American IP.

0/5

Pros.

None

Cons.

The plagiarism

How in love with the Chinese state it is

Smith is bratty right the way through the film

It is boring

Mr Han is no Mr Miyagi

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Karate Kid Legends: New Blood?

Summary

A new Karate Kid is chosen.

So this was a fairly charming film. I was a fan of Cobra Kai and when I heard about this film I was unsure, especially when it was murky whether it would even mention any of the events from the show, however, I have to say the final stinger of the film with Miyagi-Dough made me cheer a little bit inside.

This is a reverse Jaden Smith Karate Kid and has a Chinese boy, Ben Wang, come to America which was interesting. Personally I think the Smith starring film is easily the worst in the franchise so I was not super hyped about the return of Mr Han, Jackie Chan, though he did have a few funny scenes. It is such a shame that Chan has become a whore for the Chinese Communist Party, and all they have done, I used to like him but him being in this makes it hard for me to watch.

Seeing Daniel, Ralph Macchio, was a highlight and I loved how they honoured the legacy of Mr Miyagi, Pat Morita, and managed to bring together the two schools of Kung Fu and Karate.

Was it a bit formulaic? Yes. Did it repeat plot beats from the franchise? For sure. However, there was enough here to make this special and charming.

Overall, probably the best action film of the summer.

4.5/5

Pros.

Daniel

How they honoured Mr Miyagi

The stinger at the end

It was charming

The action was pretty good

Cons.

It was a bit familiar at times

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G20: The Fantasy World Wherein Old Ladies Can Beat Up Men Twice There Size

Summary

A geriatric woman, Viola Davis, beats up men half her age in a film that is the director’s direct response to mean comments they’ve had online. 20

Thank God Jennifer Salke is out at Amazon, in decades past this film would have been played as a comedy, the idea of an old woman being an action hero is inherently hilarious, however here they play it straight. God knows why.

This film feels responsive in all the wrong ways, it is a fragile left wing person’s response to YouTube channels they don’t like. Not only do they did pick these evil youtubers as bigoted but also position them as terrorists, it speaks to an incredibly fragile person as the creative force behind this film.

Davis is a terrible lead as one would assume her to be, she is not a good action hero she isn’t convincing, her terrible one liners will always make you groan, and frankly I can’t wait for the casting of Viola Davis trend to be over. Here’s hoping the Waller show gets cancelled.

Overall, yet another film from Hollywood where you are the bad guy.

0.5/5

Pros.

It is laughably bad at times

Cons.

It hates the audience

It is the product of a fragile person with hurt feeling

Davis is a terrible action lead

There is nothing empowering about it

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Dirty Angles: Who Needs Men?

Summary

The last gasp of the girlboss

So just when you think Hollywood is learning, when mary sues and girlbosses seem to be on the wane you get this.

The film follows a girl’s school that is taken over during the Afghanistan withdrawal and after a failed attempt by Delta Force to retake it, bah men what can they do, the US government decides to send in a team of women, who easily fix the problem.

My issues with this film is that it doesn’t even try to be anything other than a girlboss film, it feels more like it wants to give a lecture on how capable women can be, something we already knew, rather than be serviceable as either a war or action film. It is curious that the film went this road considering who the main demographic is for these sort of films.

Another thing that haunts the girlboss, dare I call it sub-genre, is the fact that it is always skinny frail looking women that these films expect us to believable can take men three times their size in hand to hand combat it is just silly.

Overall, this is the sort of film Hollywood needs to stop making if they want to make money.

1/5

Pros.

You get a few good laughs out of it

Cons.

It is cringe

The acting is terrible

More girlbosses

It is badly paced

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The Cleaner: Daisy Ridley Somehow Manages To Out Girlboss Her Performance As Rey

Summary

Rey from Star Wars is given the short hair maam treatment and is turned into girlboss personified.

So, Daisy Ridley seemingly only has a career as Kathleen Kennedy wants to keep her relevant, you have to assume she is getting these roles as folks behind the scenes are pulling strings for her as it certainly isn’t her acting chops.

This film wants you to suspend your disbelief to such a degree that you are left wondering if you are having a breakdown. The idea that stick thin Ridley can take down men multiple times bigger than her is frankly laughable, even all the training the world can’t make that maths check out.

Plot wise it is a die hard clone, minus the fun. It Ridley is able to be charming or crack a joke she does not show it here. Maybe if she was playing more against type, and being less of the her-o girl boss she often leans towards this would have been better.

Overall, an incredibly forgettable action film with a Ridley performance so bad it would be an understament to call it wooden.

1/5

Pros.

It is short

Cons.

Ridley is horribly miscast

You don’t believe her in this role

It lacks any kind of charm

The girlboss stuff is pretty egregious

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Demon Slayer Hashira Training Arc Series Overview: A Waste Of Time

Summary

The new season of Demon Slayer has one goal, to waste your time.

So if you have read my other season reviews for Demon Slayer then you know I often have the same complaint, the pacing and the filler, more often than not each season will have a few good episodes and then lots and lots of filler around it, this is where that shifted.

I wish I could tell you that the change is a good thing but it isn’t, this season was almost entirely filler far more than the other seasons. Basically the whole of the season was just the character’s training, which I know is what the season is called, but there is no build up to a grand show down as there was with the other seasons, no here it basically just builds up to a pretty disappointing death and then the cast are thrown into the pocket dimension with a big to be continued vibe to it.

I like the characters and I like seeing them interact but this was long drawn out nothingness, and the fact that there wasn’t even a satisfying pay off at the end of the all the filler makes it doubly annoying.

Overall, this is just killing time until the films and everyone knows it.

1/5

Pros.

It has a cool ending

Cons.

It is all set up and no pay off

It is all filler

It is boring and badly paced

It hits the same beats over and over again

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