The Toxic Avenger: Dinklage Says Little People Can’t Play Dwarfs But They Can Play Monsters.

Peter Dinklage doesn’t like little people playing dwarfs in fantasy films but he is fine with them being shown as mutant freaks. The many contradictions of a man who’s career ceased to exist with Game Of Thrones.

There is so much wrong with this film it is hard to know where to start. Firstly, it feels like it was written by current day James Gunn, and that is not a compliment. In that I mean that it feels like it was written by a teen boy, with all the juvenile humour that entails but also one that was off the current masculinity, who wants his male characters in skirts. There are multiple scenes of characters getting their genitals punched through or torn off, because that’s funny right, and then the character will likely make some kind of off colour joke to try and make it even more funny, but none of this works. The film wants you so desperately to think it is funny and cool, but it is neither. It is try hard.

There is a scene in the film wherein Dinklage’s Toxic Avenger saves a group of people who are at a restaurant taking hostages and why are they doing it because they are angry about DEI. That is how basic and simplistic this film views the world, oh do you not like wearing nail polish and skirts, do you have an issue when meritocracy isn’t employed then you’re some cartoonishly evil and stupid antagonist that deserves to die.

Overall, this film shows that Hollywood hates vast parts of the audience.

0.5/5

Pros.

It is short

Cons.

Dinklage is awful

It is cringe

It is hateful

It is gross out for the sake of it

It feels like it was written by current day James Gunn

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The Roses: The Left Wing Answer To The Rom-Com

Summary

The fetishisation of toxic relationships.

Fear not lonely blue haired middle aged cat lady the evil sexist rom-coms have finally be countered by this anti rom-com. This film has two unlikable people who don’t work together and don’t really like each other forced into a marriage and then end up trying to kill each other, see it is not your fault you’re staring down middle aged and have never been kissed, love isn’t real.

We have one character played by Olivia Coleman, who is appearing more and more the rabid antisemite by the minute, who plays a bumbling sort of mumsy character who gets some fame and is then keen to leave her family behind, despite then screaming at her husband for the rest of the film that he stole them from her. As personal accountability is outside of Coleman’s skill set seemingly both personally and professionally. We also have Benedict Cumberbatch playing a weak willed, alcoholic husband, who is constantly feeling sorry for himself and asking for forgiveness. The film details the breakdown of their relationship getting to the point wherein Coleman’s character tries to kill Cumberbatch’s with a gun only to them have them kiss and makeup.

It glorifies the toxic relationship at nearly every turn.

Oh and it features Kate McKinnon as a sexual predator who behaves inappropriately towards both the lead characters, but it is okay because it is a woman, that’s Hollywood’s morality.

1/5

Pros

Andy Samberg has a funny few lines

Cons.

It is not funny for the most part

Both the leads are incredibly unlikable

It is badly paced

It has a depressing ending

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Sauvages: Depressing And Icky

Summary

A tribe faces an existential threat and only a teen girl can save the day.

As far as kid’s films go this was incredibly depressing. There is unrelenting sadness to this film that never lets up, it’s hard to really encapsulate where this sadness originates from, but it’s unmistakably there.

I would say this film is more message focused than focused on being entertaining, but that is okay sometimes animated films are more about messaging that being entertaining see Inside Out. For me personally I thought this was a little heavy handed and needless at times but, I will give it props for clearly executing on its goal.

There is one thing that I thought was a uncomfortable about the film, and that is the nudity. Now this may be a cultural thing or me making something out of nothing, but during the let’s say last ten minutes of the film the lead character who as I said is a young teen is topless. Now you don’t see anything as she is not developed, but it has an icky and uncomfortable feel to it, I don’t understand why this was not thought about, in terms of international perception at the time, but I didn’t like it.

Overall, if you want a very hard environmental message and some uncomfortable scenes than this is the animated film for you.

1/5

Pros.

It is nice to see a stop motion animation film exist

Cons.

The message

The nudity

It is badly paced

That only part of it is translated

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The Surfer: Eat The Rat

Summary

A man, Nicolas Cage, wants to buy a house.

So this was a trippy film that made you lose the plot somewhere along the way on purpose. There are times in this film where even if you have been avidly paying attention the whole time you will be a bit lost, and not really understand what is going on and that is the fun of it.

If you enjoy Cage’s broader strangeness and want to get lost in a liminal space that resembles an Australian beach than you will likely enjoy this. However, if you find Cage’s shtick grating then you will not enjoy this film, really it is that simple.

In terms of Cage strangeness this is probably more of a subtle performance for him, there is less screaming and shouting, and he actually plays a man losing his mind in a more toned down way.

4/5

Eat the rat

The weirdness

Cage

There is fun to be had

Cons.

It is badly paced

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The Ritual: The Devil Is The Girl Boss

Summary

Dan Stevens and Al Pacino need some quick cash.

So what was this film? The possession sub-genre frankly put is used up, there is not a lot of new ideas there and by and large it is like the later stages of the slasher sub-genre, before it was reinvented with Scream, and this may be the sub-genre at its most generic.

You have Dan Stevens as a priest who doesn’t seem to understand how exorcism works despite being involved in it, and who has clear sexual tension with a nun which is addressed but not in a satisfying way. Worse yet there is a scene wherein Patricia Heaton who plays a Mother Superior talks down to Steven’s priest and says she is done being told what to do by men who aren’t even half as holy as her. This scene was the moment I knew the film was getting a low score. This is the catholic church in the 1920s, attitudes like that exclaimed by Heaton’s character would be enough to have them thrown out of the Church. The idea that in period a Mother Superior would have dared speak to a priest like that is laughable.

Another weird thing about the film is the way it is edited, there are scenes that feel as though the camera work and editing is trying to ape something like The Office rather than be appropriate for a horror film.

Overall, this is one of the lowest points yet for the possession sub-genre.

1/5

Pros.

Pacino is laughably bad.

Cons.

Stevens is phoning it in

The girl power nun

The editing

The fact that it doesn’t have an original bone in its body

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