A Quiet Place Day One: You Don’t Care How Many Humans Die Just As Long As The Cat Is Okay

Summary

We learn how the world went silent.

I don’t think there was a need for this film beyond corporate greed. What worked so well about the first film was the layers of mystery it had, we didn’t need to know how the world went silent and that is something this film cannot reckon with.

Moreover, where in the other two films the thrill of it was the hunt, will the monsters here them, will they catch them? Whereas here people are just being killed in seconds there is no build up anymore it is just happening and it is ultimately boring.

The characters of the film are some of the most poorly realised I have seen in a long while. Whereas the first film had the family that you cared about, this film has a dying woman, Lupita Nyong’o, her cat and a hysterical man, Joesph Quinn. Whilst Nyong’o is probably the best of the grouping she isn’t given much of anything to work with and her character is mainly just a person obsessed with their own morality which could have been made interesting but isn’t. Her quest to get some pizza in the hellscape is supposed to be charming and relatable but rather it is just irksome. Quinn’s character is much, and I mean much, worse he basically spends most of the film following around Nyong’o like some sort of creep, and then constantly cries and breakdowns because he doesn’t know what to do. The character is little more than hysterical crying. They try and give him a bravery arc but even by the end he is just the same.

The cat is wonderful and you care about it but that’s it on the likeable character front.

Overall, a needless sequel that is clearly the inferior for having lost the talent of the first two.

Pros.

The cat

Nyong’o is trying her best but they give her nothing

Cons.

It is boring

It is anti-climatic

It has serious pacing issues

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Furiosa: Summer 2024’s Most Obvious Flop

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

We return for a prequel almost a decade after the film it is proceeding.

Whilst I can see what WBD wanted to do here in keeping the Mad Max brand alive, this was not the way to go about it.

I think the biggest crime of this film was that it came out so long after it would have been relevant. The issue with long awaited sequels and prequels is that they have to do more to justify not just their existence but to explain why a contemporary audience should care. In my mind it is that failing which is why this film is so maligned.

In terms of the wider Hollywood culture this film is not a girl boss film, in fact it is quite the opposite. The character is not a Mary Sue as she has to go through quite the trial to get to where she is and has to be taught how to be badass rather than it just coming innately to her. I think Anya Taylor-Joy is an action star in the making as I did think she was very believable here and I would dare say that her version of Furiosa eclipsed that of Theron.

The story is good, if overly long, the idea of a war between the main factions of the wasteland is a good idea. I would say that they could have done more with it and shown a larger amount of the battles on screen but that was clearly not the story they wanted to tell.

Overall, I think it is a good film with a few issues namely relevancy and pacing.

3.5/5

Pros.

Taylor-Joy

The idea of a wasteland war is interesting

Some good set pieces

Engaging characters

Cons.

The pacing is brutal

It is not really relevant anymore

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Velma Season 2 Overview: Please God Let It Stay Dead

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The Scooby Doo franchise is once again vandalised.

There is nothing that can be said about this show that hasn’t already been said. This show is the most clear cut example of a film or tv show that hates its IP, not only is this a self-insert for Mindy Kaling, the woman who joked about how she had forced a man to kiss her which is sexual harassment, but it just hates the Scooby Doo brand.

Velma, voiced by Kailing, could only be more annoying if she did everything in a high pitch squeaky voice, she is hateful towards men, towards women, toward anyone that is not like her. Honestly in real life she would be the villain, despite her saying on the show she’s so progressive she is actually really horrible and judgemental to everyone around her, the show thinks it can get around this by going oh but we acknowledge she’s a bad person so its fine. Nope having horrible unlikeable characters is all on the writers.

They pull out all the cards to make this edgy, with the sex and the violence but they need to realise the reason other adult animations can get away with that sort of thing is because people care about the characters, no one cares about Velma. I was honestly surprised there wasn’t a scene of Velma having sexual relations with the well-known great dane, but hey Warner Brothers Discovery said she can’t have the dog appear in the show. The fact I expected to see that shows you just how low and gutter trash this show is, it will do anything for a cheap shock laugh.

They also made Scrappy Doo the villain of the season, which because of how the show is made him the hero of the season instead, which is an odd feeling when it comes to Scrappy, but hey ho. Velma dies in the final battle so hopefully she and the series never come back.

Overall, just as bad as the first season but now a little bit extra stale.

0/5

Pros.

None, this was a few hours of my life I’ll never get back

Cons.

Kailing

It is not funny

It hates the IP

It is frequently gross for no rhyme or reason

Velma is an awful person

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The Acolyte Episode 6: Appealing To Less Than 30% Of Your Audience

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Remember folks the male gaze is wrong and to be called out yet a scene made for the female gaze is terrific and wonderful, a double standard everyone.

I apologise for having this review out a few days late, I have been away and so have been using my reserve for reviews, but fear not I have returned and now here is my thoughts on the latest episode.

You can tell this episode was co-written by Leslye Headland as it is one of the weakest of the whole season. Firstly you have the very obvious thirst scene designed to appeal to those less than 30 percent of female fans and small segment of the LGBTQ+ community, which again reflects my comment in the summary.

Secondly, you have the fact that the Jedi suspect Sol, Lee Jung-jae, as being the one behind the massacre which makes no sense, can they not sense things in the force, can some of them not read force echoes? Are you meaning to tell me that in the entire battlefield not a single item had a force echo attached to it which will show who the killer was. Once again we see the Jedi being portrayed as dullards. The whole point of this show seems to be to have the space cops, as the show wants you to think of them being the bad guys, the Jedi are incompetent they are evil and no doubt they just killed all the space witches for the hell of it. The social commentary is so thick that it blocks out all light or sense of sanity a viewer might have.

Thirdly a perhaps most cynically of all you have the helmet moment and the reference to Darth Vader. Now I have seen some people try to excuse this by saying its foreshadowing, foreshadowing what exactly how one of the twins becomes Darth Vader? No, nor is it foreshadowing how that twin will fall to the dark side as they will both be grey Jedis at the end of the show. They can’t be Sith as to have a non-white person as a villain would be incredibly problematic in this day and age, and they won’t be full Jedis as that would make them space police and you can’t have that either as everyone is supposed to hate the police now. So grey jedis or morally ambiguous force users they will be. The reference to Vader is simply more desperate pandering to try and hit you with the member berries in order to care more

Overall, boring, dumb, creepy and cheap.

0.5/5

Pros.

At least it’s almost over

Cons.

The thirst scene and the female gaze, the hypocrisy and the creepiness of it

The Darth Vader moment

The Jedi are bad okay

It is just not Star Wars

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The Watchers: Nepobaby The Movie

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

M.Night’s nepobaby tries to make a film like her dad.

Dakota Fanning has a lot of bad luck picking projects. It is a shame for her as she deserved better than this.

The film has a group of people get lost in a wood and then they have to perform every night for the watchers, shapeshifting creatures trying to mimic humans, they have to escape and one of them follows the gang back to civilisation. That’s the whole plot summed up for you in two and a bit lines, the film goes on and on about its lore as though it is the most interesting thing in the world, it seems to think it is incredibly deep when it actual fact you can see the bottom.

The twist is that it is not Fanning’s character that is the watcher but rather the old woman who has been menacing but is supposedly a goody. Again this twist is so obvious that M. Night would have laughed and thrown it in the fire and questioned whether what he had for dinner that night was throwing him off. Here however, it is treated as though it is clever. It is not.

Moreover, the villainous fairies from Irish myth have been cropping up a lot recently in horror and as such I didn’t find them all that scary as it was just the same thing again. They are freaky to look at in their watching mode, but other than that there is nothing really scary about this film either.

Overall, M. Night should give his daughter some lessons and help her learn how to make a good twist.

2/5

Pros.

The watchers are freaky to look at when not human

It has a good atmosphere, that it does nothing with

Cons.

The twist is terrible

It is not deep

It isn’t scary

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