Nice Guys Sleep Alone: You’ll Need A Shower After This One

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Films like this are why we have incels.

The idea that ‘nice guys finish last’ is the hallmark of the dirty unwashed guys who show up to dates with BO and stained clothes and then proceed to neg the girl they are trying to court and then get surprised when they don’t want to be with them. In short it is the motto of the loser. This film really does run with that message as the lead, played by Sean O’Bryan, loses girl after girl because he is just too nice and then when he finally decided to be a dick to his next romantic interest she only wants nice guys. Firstly, if a girl doesn’t like you because you are too nice that is on her, no one should ever change you in a relationship, however the idea that being a dick is a way to attract a mate is equally flawed and toxic.

I understand there is a degree of satire going on here, but honestly this whole film reeked of pick up artist slime to me, and as such I could not warm to the lead at all, in fact if anything the fact that he was prepared to turn into a dick to try and get girls shows that he wasn’t a nice guy at all and that he was in fact a slimy loser who deserved to end up alone, but because this is a rom-com we can’t have that. Ah the toxic and widely problematic romantic comedy subgenre everyone. Maybe we weren’t supposed to like him at all.

Overall, though it is trying to satirise dating culture this film feels like a relic better left behind.

Pros.

Occasionally it is unintentionally funny

Cons.

The satire doesn’t really land

It is toxic

It is not fun to watch

Few to none of the characters are at all likeable

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Spin Me Round: Spilling Sauce

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A restaurant manger wins a trip to Italy and a whirlwind romance begins, then quickly ends.

This to me marked me returning to the Baena path, I really enjoyed Life After Beath and The Little Hours, but Horse Girl really turned me off in a big way, however I am pleased to say he is back on form here.

I found this to be both comfort viewing whilst also having Baena signature absurdist uncomfortability. I liked that the romance was atypical and that at the end of the film Alison Brie’s lead did not go back to her sleezy lothario, I think in many ways this film acts as an antidote for the miles upon miles of toxic rom-coms out there that suggest even incredibly problematic behaviour can be made up for just with a grand gesture.

Moreover, the continued electric chemistry between Aubrey Plaza and Alison Brie, which can be referenced again in Baena’s The Little Hours, is on strong form here and the scenes that the two actors share steal the film. My one complaint in this regard would be that Plaza’s character disappears midway into the film and you find yourself wishing that she would return. However, that wish is never realised.

The main reason I have given this film a 4 and not a 5 is because though it is good and enjoyable for a number of different reasons, I didn’t find it to have stuck in my mind after watching. This staying power is usually the hallmark of a 5.

Overall, fun but not memorable.

Pros.

The chemistry between Plaza and Brie

It is very watchable

The ending acts as a balm to the many injustices of the rom-com genre

The absurdist elements

Cons.

It is good not great

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Time To Worry Darling: How Olivia Wilde Exposed Herself And Doomed Her Film

Written by Luke Barnes

A disclaimer before we begin, a lot of this piece will be based on leaked information, and journalistic pieces commenting on the supposed feud between Olivia Wilde and Florence Pugh. I cannot say that all the information that I will be referencing and talking about will be accurate as again a lot of it is based on speculation, but I will endeavour to add to this. What follows is my opinion.

So to provide a brief history of the supposed events before we really get into things, a lot of the bad publicity for Don’t Worry Darling directed by Olivia Wilde, began when she cheated on her fiancé and hooked up with Harry Styles, a poor character move to be sure and one which if done by a man would get far more flack, but this is just the tip of the iceberg. Following this there was talks of a rift between Wilde and her leading lady Florence Pugh over disagreements on set, which were no doubt made worse by the fact that Styles was being paid more for his role in the film than Pugh. This falling out can be seen by the fact that Pugh has refused to do press for the film, a red flag for sure. Additionally Wilde has proven herself a liar and a hypocrite by saying that she had a no assholes on set policy, that is paraphrased but it is something like that, yet she cast accused sexual abuser Shia LaBeouf and begged him to stay on after he quit, this can be seen in leaked video footage. In the same footage Wilde implies that by keeping him around it will give, someone implied to be Pugh, a wake up call, it has been said that LaBeouf made Pugh feel uneasy on set.

I think what makes all of this worse is the fact that not only is Wilde refusing to comment on it, but she is also playing the victim. Once upon a time she may have had credibility in this category and been believed but since all the leaked footage has come out we now all know she is a liar. In this post MeToo timeframe many people have seemed to forget that women can be just as dickish as men, and to even suggest it seems to be a capital offense. I just think that if Wilde was a man the narrative forming around her would be far more damning. Toxic femininity exists too.

Moreover, the film itself is now getting bad reviews from critics, which I am not surprised by as it looks like it has taken social horror aspects from well received films such as Get Out and forced them into their own narrative in order to try and get people to think the film is deep or even just well done. I think it was clear from the trailers that this film wasn’t going to be good.

The real losers here are Warner Brothers Discovery who needed this film and Black Adam to make tidy profits and sure things up for the studios finances, however, now it looks like through the bad word of mouth, bad reviews and the controversy that Don’t Worry Darling is doomed.

*Breaking News Update: Harry Styles just spat on Chris Pratt at the film’s first showing, showing he is just as bad as Wilde. It just keeps getting worse folks.

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House Of The Dragon: The Rogue Prince

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Prince Daemon, played by Matt Smith, further builds his power as King Viserys, played by Paddy Considine, is forced to seek out a new wife.

I think this episode builds on the strengths of the last and doubles down on the intrigue. It is still not quite on the level of Game Of Thrones at its peak but it is starting to come into its own for sure.

I think Matt Smith is still the scene stealer, however Milly Alcock’s Princess Rhaenyra is starting to also approach his level. The dual dragon stand off that happened towards the episode was really tense and impressive, I think the scene worked without the dragons even needing to fight: the scale and VFX on display really landed.

I also liked that the final moments of the episode introduced us to a new big bad for the series, whether they are only a minor season villain or something bigger remains to be seen, however, it does now allow the story to have more to drive towards. Hopefully this new villain can be developed further in the coming episodes.

Overall, a strong second episode that keeps the promise alive.

Pros.

Dare I allow myself to hope again?

The Dragonstone sequence

The new villain introduction

Smith and Alcock continue to be stand outs

Cons.

Some of the King’s Landing scenes were a little too slow paced.

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She Hulk: What The Hell Is This? Is It An Advert?

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Megan Thee Stallion shows up and She-Hulk, played by Tatiana Maslany, twerks.

I will review this episode in two parts, the first part will focus on the good and the second on the bad. The bad here is fairly extreme but I like Wong, played by Benedict Wong, so there is some good here.

In the Abomination, played by Tim Roth, storyline we get a fun cameo from everyone’s favourite Sorcerer Supreme and it is played up enough that every second we get with him is pure gold. The comedy in this part of the episode also really landed for me.

That said onto some of the worse stuff I have seen from Marvel possibly to date. Everyone hates the Simpsons episode Lisa Goes Gaga because all it exists to do is blow smoke up the guest stars rear end and say how great they are, clearly the She-Hulk team aren’t familiar with this as they do exactly the same thing here. Not only is the Megan Thee Stallion subplot not at all funny in any way but it gets really repetitive with how many times they have to say her name over and over again as though they are trying to force us to think it is a big deal. Moreover, I know a lot of people complain that the MCU has gotten too silly and want things to return to a more serious tone, however, normally I don’t mind the humour of the MCU, but I would say this show is pushing it too far. The post credits twerking scene is something that has no business in the MCU it feels like something you might see from a tie-in advert but not a scene from a film or TV show, in addition it is also all kinds of cringe.

I really do think She-Hulk as a show needs to get its tone right because right now it is all over the place and feels like a bad parody.

Overall, other than Wong this episode was made entirely to suck up to the guest star.

Pros.

Wong

A few funny jokes

Cons.

Everything to do with Megan Thee Stallion

The twerking scene

It feels like bad parody at times

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Monte Carlo: An Idealized Version Of France

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

3 all American girls go on holiday to France and naturally one of their group gets mistaken for a celebrity doppelganger and they go on an adventure.

Honestly this is bland nonsense. It is perfectly watchable but is so light and breezy that you can check out for big chunks of the ‘plot’ and still mostly understand what is going on. I am not saying that every film has to have an intricate narrative with lots of moving parts but there is so little going on here that it is barely even a film.

Moreover, this kind of double narrative has been done so many times before that this film feels instantly stale. To make matters worse this film doesn’t even have the charm of a Parent Trap or a Princess Switch instead it feels just barely serviceable.

None of the performances are particularly great either, Gomez is probably the best of a bad bunch but no one is winning an Oscar here.

Overall, boring fluff that is hard to feel one way or the other about.

Pros.

It is mindless

It is watchable if you have nothing else

It is short

Cons.

The performances are fairly weak all round

There is nothing to it

It is bland and insipid

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27 Dresses: Learning The Art Of Catching The Bouquet

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A habitual bridesmaid, played by Katherine Heigl finally gets her own love story.

In many ways this is an incredibly generic rom-com, all of the toxic and cliched elements are all present and everything happens the way you would expect it to. The surprises are kept to a minimum.

However, despite all of that there is a charm to this film, it is all of the bad things that I labelled it above, but there is also a warmth to it, the idea of junk food springs to mind in that sometimes we consume what we know is bad for us just because we want to satiate a craving, this is very much that we know it is toxic and problematic yet it is also a good rom-com.

Moreover, despite her reputation for being difficult this film made me miss the slightly awkward charm of Heigl especially as she has been absent from our screens for quite a long time now. I thought she had great chemistry with her leading man James Marsden and I believed the two of them as a couple. Really it is hard for Marsden to be bad in anything and that helped this film a lot.

Overall, though it is predictable, clichéd and toxic there is also something warm and familiar to enjoy.

Pros.

It feels like quality junk food

There is a warmth to it that is infectious

Heigl and Marsden both put in good turns

Cons.

It is cliched, toxic and predictable

It is badly paced.

Maneater: Making Sharknado Look Like An Oscar Worthy Affair

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A shark movie featuring the worst shark effects you will ever see in your life, even the clearly fake looking shark in Jaws from the 70s is better than this.

I will open this review by saying that I am a big Shane West fan, I grew up watching Nikita and later Salem and as such I will always turn up for something starring, or in this case co-starring West. However, though he may be the reason this film gets a 1 and not less, he certainly isn’t enough to make this film even barely watchable.

The shark attack/survival subgenre of horror is already incredibly overpopulated as such it is very hard for a shark film to be good or to standout, for positive reasons, from the rest. This film did stand out but for all the wrong reasons. Obviously as I have previously mentioned the incredibly poor effects on the shark that are almost laughably bad is the main reason, however also bad is the fact that this film looks like a made for TV Sharknado esque affair, but it doesn’t bring the tongue in cheek tone or charm of that film and instead decides to play it straight for the most part- to no one’s benefit.

I also really don’t care for the narrative structure of this film and how it decides to split focus between the main group of partiers under attack by the shark and then a grieving father, played by Trace Adkins, as he decides to hunt down the shark. I suppose the two threads to coreless in the end, but until this point it is a jarring back and forth between them.

Our lead of Jessie, played by Nicky Whelan, is aggressively average. She brings very little to the table beyond being a damsel in distress that doesn’t even really get any good licks in on the shark, instead needing to wait for the uber macho Harlan, Adkins, to come and save her. Something I will give this film credit for is the fact that it uses a cast of older actors rather than have it just be the genre’s standard collection of teens.

Overall, how not to do a Shark movie.

Pros.

Casting older actors

Shane West is trying his best

Cons.

The shark frequently looks terrible

It is boring and cliched

It is on for far too long

The lead performance is fairly reductive

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