The Acolyte Episode 5: It Would Have Been Better If The Sith Had Killed Every Character

Summary

A lot of characters die, the show wants you to care but frankly you’re happy to see them go.

So this was the big action episode with all the fights and the lightsabers that had been teased for a long time. If you are the kind of person who just seeing some lightsabers is enough to make you happy, then good news you’ll love this episode, however if you require more substance than I can safely say you will be disappointed. The action choreography was weak, they have clearly taken influence from martial arts films and what not and that is fine but some of the actors they have trying to pull off these moves look like there is no way in hell they actually could. The action is pretty fake looking at times too, it looks like something you might see on a better than average Youtube channel that recreates movie fights, not the sort of thing you expect for a show with 180 million dollar budget.

Moreover, as I said in the summary a bunch of characters die, and you either feel indifference or kind of want them to. The show and its terrible writing has done such a bad job of making you care about any of the Jedi, even at sometimes making you hate them for how not like Jedi they are, that when they die it has the wrong emotional effect. I also thought it was cringe as hell that it was only the Padawan that gave the Sith a fight, as the rest of the Jedi’s were easily chopped down and they were experienced Knights, but because the Padawan is a know it all girl boss, played by Dafne Keen, she could go toe to toe with the Sith fighter. It is silly and stupid and the perfect reflection of modern Star Wars

Oh the twist, the dude from The Good Place is the Sith, yes that’s right folks the most obvious and laziest choice is the correct one. Everyone guessed from the minute he showed up that he was and as the show has gone on people were like it can’t possibly be him that would be too obvious and yet the show gave you just that. The issue is people don’t seem to understand just how poor the writing actually is so of course they can’t misdirect you or give you a good twist it is far too hard for them.

Moreover, Mae, Amandla Stenberg, continues to be the most schizophrenic character in Star Wars history flipping between emotions every few seconds. In the flashbacks she cares about her sister, then she wants to kill her, she is on her mission to kill all the jedi, then suddenly gets bored and stops, she wants to escape and live with her sister then knocks her out and leaves her with a Sith who likes killing Jedis. This is not good writing, it is as though they cannot decide on how they want the character to be so they keep having her do different things that are entirely at odds with each other it is hard to follow. Moreover, the fact they had to strip the sister down so Mae could switch clothes with her feels like some odd pervy fan service, though there is no nudity you know that scene will feature heavily in deviant art for years to come.

Overall, though this episode is more interesting that last weeks I would say the baffling character decisions and the stupid writing makes it worse.

0.5/5

Pros.

The new Sith could be interesting

Cons.

Mae and her mood swings

The terrible writing

The reveal is obvious

You don’t care about any of the deaths

Girl boss X-23

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The Acolyte Episode 4: Amandla Stenberg Is The Most Oppressed Person On The Planet

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

We get another fun and needed episode of the Acolyte.

If you couldn’t tell I was being sarcastic. Now to address somethings before we begin, I had a few people ask me why do I cover this show if I don’t like it, and there’s two reasons for that and no it is not because I am going crazy, though the show makes me fee like that at times. Firstly, it is because I think bad writing and bad content deserves to be called out so that other people can see this and stay clear, a lot of people are seeing and engaging with these reviews, according to my stats, so I am providing a service. Secondly, because a lot of trolls out there tell me to shut up and call me names because I am critical of the show and I will not bow to pressure and stop.

That said lets carry on, so this week we get a slightly better time than last week but not by much. We get to see more of the Sith who is very obviously the twin’s mother, as Jodie Turner Smith is billed to be in more episodes. They try their best to make her scary or do much of anything with her but ultimately it just comes off as cheaply done character work that tries to set up this great mystery when in actuality it is all obvious.

Then there is the return of Ki-Adi-Mundi only 100 years before he was born. Now I am no Lord of the EU or Master of the Lore, but it just seems to me like they needed someone vaguely recognisable to put in here, they don’t have even the slightest regard that this breaks cannon or anything like that they just do it for the sake of it. Moreover, after that the show then changed the characters Wookipedia entry in real time in order to try and get around what they knew to be a lore destroying moment. Once again it just shows a level of disrespect that this show has towards the audience and the franchise as a whole.

The flip with have with Mae, Amandla Stenberg, finally deciding to give up her mission and to try and find her sister instead made little sense. Ultimately the show couldn’t answer the question of why now, why had she not done this before, why would she want to see her sister after threatening to kill her. It is just a heel turn for the point of plot. Speaking off as always Stenberg is a devotee of the Alaqua Cox school of acting and shows no emotion as Mae goes through this massive character shift. She is not a very good actor.

PS. I took an extra day writing this as whilst I was writing it Stenberg’s diss track to the fans dropped and I needed some time to process that. Not only does it show just how out of touch she is, calling herself oppressed when she and her family are millionaires, whilst also making a video about racism whilst constantly bragging and focusing the shot on her for maximum narcissism. However, the reason I wanted to include it is because it just shows you what the people making this show think of you the fan, yes there may be some racists and she may have suffered some abuse, but to make a video where she says that all Star Wars people are haters and want to oppress her and stuff like this is not the way to combat racism. All this does is make the fandom even more divided as non-racists are angry that she is lumping everyone in together.

Finally, we have an incredibly forced scene that I just want to draw your attention to as I think it highlights everything wrong with modern Star Wars. There is a scene in which the gang find a new alien character and rather than call it it as people would, they instead decided to debate its pronouns. Now this scene is bad for a couple of reasons, firstly there was no need for it, it was done so they could say oh look we are talking about pronouns on the show aren’t we diverse, but it just shows how shallow and forced in this message is and how they are just ticking things off a list. They don’t actually care about meaningful representation just the appearance of it. Secondly, the scene slows the whole episode down which makes it stick out even worse, the writing is so poor it makes you consider was it written by an AI.

Overall, though it wasn’t as bad as episode 3, it is still pretty terrible and makes you debate the difference between awful and god awful.

1/5

Pros.

It is more watchable than the last episode

Cons.

The destruction of the lore

The pronoun scene

Mae’s randomly shift in personality

They couldn’t be bothered to let us see the Wookie Jedi fight

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The Acolyte Episode 3 Review: Star Wars Is Dead And Kathy Did It

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

We learn that the twins have abusive parents that want to control them and indoctrinate them. Yet the episode kind of feels like it wants us to root for them.

Lets start off this review by saying two things, firstly the Jedi did nothing wrong the force witch coven are abusive and controlling and want the twins to have no control over their lives they only tried to help the kids. Secondly, this will be my last review of the Acolyte as I’m done, with this show. However, if enough people want me to carry on I may do so. Never say never.

This is the episode that had been prophesied to ruin Star Wars and it did, and for what. So Leslie Headland could live out her fan fiction fantasy about a group of strong lesbian witches that don’t need no man trying to take down the evil patriarchal Jedi order, with a female master. You can almost feel in this show the amount of destain that Headland, a supposed fan, has for the Jedi and for Star Wars in general.

Now how did she ruin it, oh boy buckle up. Well remember how Anakin was immaculately conceived by the force and that is why he was so powerful and supposedly the chosen one, well here we learn that the twins were also born of the force so that basically destroys the whole idea of Anakin being the chosen one. Now some people have argued its not the same Anakin was made by the force itself, whereas here the witches use some magic to create them, therefore it is their creation not that of the force, yet the show knows what it is doing it is trying to undermine Anakin and the wider Star Wars universe because it knows that that story is better than the tripe they are peddling here.

Moreover, we continue to have no masculine heroes, I went some ways to talk about it before in my 1 and 2 review, but all the males here are just so passive and in no way cool, they are emotionless and just do as their told by the strong female characters. I understand wanting to have strong female characters, for the tiny female viewership they care about more than the overwhelmingly male one for some reason, but they couldn’t even give the show one interesting male character that has some agency and isn’t just weak.

The acting continues to be terrible across the board, nothing more needs to be said there.

Overall, I am fully convinced Disney wants to kill Star Wars.

Pros.

It is meme worthy

Cons.

It ruins the lore

It is dumb and needless

It is Headland’s personal fanfiction

The acting is awful

The lack of any non-passive male leads

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Poker Face: A Shorter Slightly Worse Knives Out

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A woman, Natasha Lyonne, who can always tell when people are lying heads out on the road to solve crimes. It is such a simple premise you wonder why it hasn’t been done before.

Rian Johnson is a controversial figure, a man of highs and lows, sometimes he makes something very good Looper sometimes he makes something very bad The Last Jedi. His Knives Out films were woefully not of the same quality, with the Netflix sequel being dumber and more distracted. Clearly he was working on other things whilst writing it. As such this series could have either been great or terrible, there was no room for in between.

Turns out life won’t be put in a box and despite my previous statement this is a pretty mixed show.

Now there are some things that it does well Lyonne is a strong and likable lead and you care about what happens to her character. I think if you had got someone who was less affable to do this show then it would have just been bad, as even in some of the harder to get through episodes Lyonne’s charm just about makes it bearable.

The episodes themselves fall into more of a villain of the week sort of thing, though the series tries for a wider overarching plot, for the most part it is oh the lead has tripped over a corpse better find out who killed them. Some of these episodes are good, usually the ones with notable guest stars who get to have fun, but some aren’t. The issue with villain of the week storytelling is that not all the episodes are created equal, some get the guest stars and more time to do interesting things and some are filler, and that is not just true here but in a lot of shows.

The issue with this show is that it can have a few bad episodes in a row before you get a good one and because of that it is a slog to get through.

If you are a Knives Out fan then you will almost certainly be into this show.

Overall, fun at times but mostly slow and predictable.

2.5/5

Pros.

Lyonne

Some of the episodes are fun

It has some good ideas

Cons.

Some of the episodes are dull

It is not as smart as it thinks it is

The ending is underwhelming

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Star Wars The Acolyte Opening Two Episodes: How Long Before They Start Blaming The Toxic Fans

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A live action Star Wars series based on the High Republic that no one wanted, I wonder how this will turn out?

Sometimes it keeps me awake at night what goes on at Lucasfilm, they have a massive era of the Star Wars universe that people really care about sitting right there and yet they do nothing with it. Why is that. In my mind the answer can only be that Disney wants to force people to like their Star Wars and even if they released films or series set when I am talking about it wouldn’t be theirs as they didn’t create it. I am of course talking about the Old Republic.

This series is set in the High Republic, an era that came into being under Disney and that they want you to like, bye bye Revan. Honestly, the setting alone is enough for me to loose interest, I just have no real reason to care about this era, and believe me from what I have seen so far they are not going to be doing anything to make anyone care.

So the idea of a secret Sith has some potential, however, in execution it all just falls apart. Amanda Stenberg cannot act, she behaves in much the same way many other girl boss characters have done in the past she has a pissed off look almost constantly plastered to her face and that’s it. She must have taken classes at the Alaqua Cox school of acting. At times I think to myself that Dafne Keen would have made a much better lead, as at least we know she can act.

The fact that the series tries to force us into believing that Carrie-Anne Moss is a still an action hero is frankly laughable. The fight scenes with her in the trailer looked incredibly fake and bad and I doubt you’d say they look much better in the show. That gets me to another point, the whole show from the sets to the makeup to the lightsabers all of it looks like it was done on the cheap. It looks very much like they didn’t have a budget and so just improvised, as I have said before it looks like a fan film not an actual production. I don’t know why this is, if they didn’t have faith in it and it got its budget slashed, if they wanted it to look bad for some reason, perhaps to own the trolls- the old She Hulk defence, or just because it was incompetently made. Could be a mix of all of them.

A final point and one that will no doubt get me some hate but it has to be pointed out, this series is very diverse as per the regulations over at Disney in order to try and get the most people in, but one key group seems to be missing out. There is a distinct lack of guys it feels a little strange that in this galaxy that is full of different races and species and what not that there is maybe only one or two here and there in minor roles. My question is again have Disney forgotten who the main audience for Star Wars is by all metrics and breakdowns, yes you guessed it young men. It seems like there is a desire to go out of their way with this one to have the cast be almost all female, that is fine if there was a reason for it, say a Nightsisters show, but this isn’t that this is supposed to be at the Jedi Temple. There are some guys around don’t get me wrong but it feels very heavily like Disney is pitching this show at women, and we get it Kathleen Kennedy thinks the force is female, but the viewing demographics aren’t. I guess my point here is that the show doesn’t actually feel very inclusive.

Overall, I think that unless it is a John and Dave venture I’ll be giving any future Star Wars project a miss.

1/5

Pros.

It had an interesting premise

Cons.

It isn’t inclusive

It doesn’t seem to know who it is for or what it wants to be

It doesn’t make you care about the characters, the setting, or the period

It looks cheap

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Hijack: Another Reason For Your Fear Of Flying

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Idris Elba has to talk his way out of a plane takeover.

Very much like In The Long Run this series is made by Elba’s sheer charm, if he wasn’t so charismatic then this series might get dull, but no.

I found the idea of the plane takeover to be a good one to base a series around, in creates high stakes very easily as there is no way off. In many senses this show reminded me a little of 24, very high stakes and a constantly ramping up of tension. If you will pardon the cliché as I was watching this I was on the edge of my seat and I did feel very tense so I guess the series did what it set out to.

I would say that apart from Elba the rest of the cast are either phoning it in or are underused, some I believe wanted to give better performances but could only do so much with the material they had been given. Even the villainous role left me cold, this was mainly because they were incredibly one note and not really fleshed out beyond what could only be described as cliches.

I can see how the series has been picked up for a second season though I would still alleged that it is better as a one and done journey, they could keep it going but will they be able to match the level of suspense that has already been done here, it is hard to say but I would guess not.

Overall, a good and fairly tense series but not one that is crying out for a season 2.

3/5

Pros.

Elba

The tension and the stakes

It has a solid premise

Cons.

A wasted wider cast

It has some pacing issues around the midpoint

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Life and Beth: The Show You Make When You No Longer Have Any Jokes Left About Your Vagina

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Amy Schumer continues to try and cry out for relevance.

I was subjected to the first season of this during a binge day when we couldn’t find anything else to watch and wherein I was eventually outvoted, and whilst a part of me wanted to get up and go for a walk whilst it was on it was also raining and I didn’t have my raincoat so I had to stay and watch it.

As many of you might know I do not like Amy Schumer, she is not funny, her material is that she likes to use people for sex and then talks about her body in a self-deprecating way, it is neither new nor intelligent. What’s more she had sex with someone when she was sober and they were clearly very drunk so in no place to properly consent, she has told this story several times, this is a thing she did in real life. She is a sexual predator, in my opinion, and if a man told a story about how they took advantage of a woman who was unable to properly consent they would never work again, not so for Schumer.

That aside I knew I wasn’t going to like this show going in but as I was forced to watch it I thought well maybe there could be something I’ll like about it, but no. Essentially, what this show boils down to is a worse version of Fleabag, Schumer’s’ character has to deal with grief, as we all have, whilst being a mess and going around and treating people like garbage. It think it is very deep and a comment on life and what it means to lose someone but its incredibly thin on anything other than generic platitudes, but that speaks to the quality of the writing.

Schumer does fair better here as she doesn’t have to be funny, with it being a comedy drama, and believe me she isn’t. I suppose she is a little bit less irritating and obnoxious here than she was in something like I Feel Pretty yet I digress.

Overall, it is sad that a sexual predator, in my opinion, still gets work.

0/5

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Them Season 2 Overview: Barley A Whimper

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A new season of scares revolving around a series of killings.

Honestly this was a massive disappointment, the first season of Them is genuinely brilliant and some of the best horror tv I have watched possibly ever. As such I was eagerly awaiting this and then as I was watching it I kept waiting for it to get good, then finally in one of the episodes the villain of the first season returns and I was happy and ready for the scares but then that’s it. Series over. I had waited the entire season for it to get good.

I will give this show credit for how it ties together its first and second seasons I didn’t see it coming and it is nice to have it all be set in the same universe and be a curse, possibly, passing down the family line. I will also give it props for how it handles police brutality in 1990’s era America, the social commentary is on point and I think some of the best and scariest moments of the series come from seeing the all-white and corrupt police force harassing and intimidating the lead.

That said this series wasn’t scary at all. The failed actor turned killer, turned possessed monster took far too long to get to the twist. Moreover, it would have been more logical to spend more time setting up the monster that he communes with, but no. Personally, I just didn’t find the idea of a serial killer all that scary, particularly after last season’s supernatural stuff.

Overall, it has some bright moments but for the most part it struggles to be scary in any way.

2/5

Pros.

The handling of the racist police force

How they tied it into the first season

Cons.

It isn’t scary

It takes until the final episode to get good

It is much weaker written than the first season

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Tales Of The Empire: A Further Glimpse Into The Inquisitors

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Morgan Elsbeth and Barriss Offee, have their lives explored.

So for the most part I thought this was a really good anthology series. I liked that we got to see more of two groups that I am really interested in The Nightsisters and The Inquisitors, I think both are fascinating and would watch a solo show about either in a heartbeat.

I thought that Offee’s story was by far the better of the two, the majority of my complaints with the series come from the Morgan side of things but we will get there. It was interesting to see Offee go to the dark side, and see how easy it was for young Jedi’s to come to believe that the order was in fact evil and turn their backs on it. It was fairly predictable that she was going to go back to the light and she did, however, it led to her death and personally I would have liked to have seen her survive. Mainly because another Star Wars series I would like to watch is a The Path show that talks about the Jedi Underground and brings back some MIA Jedi’s such as Quinlan Vos and possible Kal Kestis and Merrin.

The Morgan Elsbeth episodes started out promising with a wider exploration of Dathomir but then got bogged down in Imperial intrigue and the vague set up of Thrawn. I understand why they choose her for the other half as she is important in the Ashoka show however I would have given them to someone else as I think watching her become mad with power felt a little boring.

Overall, more good than bad and some very welcome exploration.

3.5/5

Pros.

Offee’s journey

An exploration of the Inquisitors and The Nightsisters

It sets up a lot of interesting things

The animation is really well done

Cons.

The Morgan Elsbeth plotline gets bogged down

It has an iffy pace at times

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Transformers 40th Anniversary Event: A Glorified DVD Extra

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Most of the original cast from the very first Transformers series get back together to rerecord the first few episodes, and you get to watch them do it.

This experience made me realise I am not as big a Transformers fan as I thought I was. It also made me realise the dire state that the Transformers IP is in. Before the proceedings began we got a new look at the upcoming Chris Hemsworth film, which looks awful just awful who wants Megatron and Optimus Prime as slacker pals- no one is the answer. Then we saw a look at some children’s show which looked equally awful, my main takeaway from that was what a horrible to look that sight 3D animation is.

To me this experience which was just the first few episodes stitched back together again just stank of desperation. Paramount knows that it is in trouble, it is considering being bought out, so what does it do to make money it releases this. There is no artistry in this, no need to see it at the cinema, it is just like watching DVD extras at home. The irritating thing about it is that the first few episodes are split-screen between seeing what is happening in the episode and seeing the voice actors reading it out, this is incredibly distracting and I wish they had done it either with just them reading it, no cartoon, or with just the cartoon as is.

The most interesting bit of it was hearing some interviews with the original voice actors but again that was maybe 5 minutes of the wider runtime,

Overall, this feels like Paramount trying to fleece a cinema ticket out of die hard fans, and is nothing more than a glorified DVD extra.

1/5

Pros.

The interviews are entertaining

Cons.

There is not enough time spent talking to the original cast

The episodes are poorly spliced together, they should take out the ad break section to make it feel more cinematic

It is a glorified DVD extra

The split-screen is a bad choice

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