To The Devil A Daughter: Nightmare Orgasms

Christopher Lee leads a satanic cult, intent on bringing a demon into the world.

At this stage I am cleaning up, these next few days will be the last of my Halloween watches before we get back into more regularly scheduled programming. As you know I am a big Lee fan, as such I couldn’t let Halloween pass without watching a Lee film. Here we are on that front.

I have to say this is not one of the strongest Hammer entries, I feel that The Devil Rides Out is much stronger, and gives Lee more to do. He is the antagonist here, and other than a few mind powers scenes that mimic his Rasputin film, he is not given much of substance to do, other than look evil.

The plot around this young lady from Germany and her parents involvement in a satanic cult, is not so much a head scratcher, as a film that leaves you entirely baffled it is so convoluted that you don’t know which way is up by the end of it, and have no idea what has remotely happened.

There is one scene that I would be remiss not to mention which is Hammer in all of their late seventies weirdness, and in this scene the central young lady is supposed to be having a bad dream yet is moaning like she is in the throws of sex, this scene lasts a long time. Take that as you will.

Overall, a good idea ruined by trying to do too much.

2/5

Pros.

There is some great unintentional comedy

Lee is a good villain even if he is given nothing to do

Cons.

It is convoluted

It has needless nudity and sexual elements that do seem to serve a purpose

The characters are not well developed

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Conjuring Last Rites: The End Of An Era

Summary

The Warrens are back for one final adventure.

I want to state right away that as someone who knows about the Warren’s and their life this film bothered me, there was next to nothing from the actual account of the Smurl Haunting that happened here and the Warren’s did not retire from doing cases in the 80s.

That aside I would say that this is the second best Conjuring film overall behind only the second film. Mainly that is because the horror really works here, yes there are the usual jump scares, but the level of craziness than happens just elevates it and makes it seem like a true showdown unlike anything the Warren’s have faced before. Additionally, the ending as shmaltzy as it is works well, it is nice to see the Warren’s get their happy ending after teasing the death of one or both of them since the second film. I thought seeing all the characters from prior films in the church at the end was also a great little nod to the series and its history.

In many senses this feels like it could be the last Conjuring film, however, with the amount it made at the box office that seems incredibly unlikely now.

Overall, a good horror film and a rewarding film for fans of the franchise.

4.5/5

Pros.

The horror

The ending

More than just jump scares

It treats its characters with care

The sense of finality to it

Cons.

It is in no way based on a true anything

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The Ritual: The Devil Is The Girl Boss

Summary

Dan Stevens and Al Pacino need some quick cash.

So what was this film? The possession sub-genre frankly put is used up, there is not a lot of new ideas there and by and large it is like the later stages of the slasher sub-genre, before it was reinvented with Scream, and this may be the sub-genre at its most generic.

You have Dan Stevens as a priest who doesn’t seem to understand how exorcism works despite being involved in it, and who has clear sexual tension with a nun which is addressed but not in a satisfying way. Worse yet there is a scene wherein Patricia Heaton who plays a Mother Superior talks down to Steven’s priest and says she is done being told what to do by men who aren’t even half as holy as her. This scene was the moment I knew the film was getting a low score. This is the catholic church in the 1920s, attitudes like that exclaimed by Heaton’s character would be enough to have them thrown out of the Church. The idea that in period a Mother Superior would have dared speak to a priest like that is laughable.

Another weird thing about the film is the way it is edited, there are scenes that feel as though the camera work and editing is trying to ape something like The Office rather than be appropriate for a horror film.

Overall, this is one of the lowest points yet for the possession sub-genre.

1/5

Pros.

Pacino is laughably bad.

Cons.

Stevens is phoning it in

The girl power nun

The editing

The fact that it doesn’t have an original bone in its body

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Bring Her Back: Using Pee For Gaslighting

Summary

A woman, Sally Hawkins, goes to extreme lengths to bring back her dead daughter.

So I enjoyed this film for the fairly basic thriller that it is, there are so good twists and turns and it does not go the way you necessarily think it would. However, the issue for me from this perspective is the fact that the writing is quite weak in terms of justifications. Why did Hawkin’s character pick the central duo out of all the children in care, why did the demon knowingly kill itself at the end? These are questions that the film does not give us answers for.

The film sets up this demonic cult through a video tape that Hawkin’s character watches and as the film goes along and you see more of the tape and you think it would be interesting to explore this idea a bit more, the film immediately stops mentioning them. When Hawkin’s character goes to do the ritual are the cult present as clearly based on the video you need a number of people to carry it out? Nope. She does it on her own. One cannot help but feel like the cult was an undelivered promise.

Whilst I find the demon stuff interesting I do wish they would have shown us more of the little boy doing these creepy and extreme things, as the film itself shows some of this but stops itself from going further, which I feel like it needed to.

Overall, an interesting premise and a few good scares don’t come together to be anything special in a disappointing follow up to Talk To Me.

2.5/5

Pros.

Some good gore

A few scares

Sally Hawkins is always fantastic

Cons.

The cult stuff is not properly used

The writing is weak

The ending is very meh

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Smile Two: Nothing To Smile About

Summary

The smiling demon is back again.

Honestly I was fairly lukewarm on the first film in this series as it was plain to see just how derivative of It Follows it was, however, I did think it had some redeeming moments. This one does not.

For a start you have a main character, Naomi Scott, who is so unlikeable you are rooting for the monster throughout, which is not what the film wants. The reason why she is so unlikable is because she is so whiny and self-involved, she is constantly the victim whilst whining and being a diva.

Follow this up with a film that is just manically depressing, not scary, which a lot of modern horror films seem to get muddled up. The film is just oh these terrible people do bad things and then go insane and pass it on, it just feels grim and dark. There is no levity or even camp to it.

The ending I think is the worst part of the whole film. So from the moment they announced that the new lead character was going to be a singer the ending was obvious. The singer would end the film killing themselves in front of thousands of people passing on the demonic virus at a massive scale, creating pandemonium. I was right.

Overall, there is nothing new, novel or even remotely scary about this film, scratch that there is a scare here, that it will likely get a sequel.

1/5

Pros

The songs were catchy

Cons.

It isn’t scary

The woman is unlikable

It is too long

It has a predictable ending

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The Exorcism: Russell Crowe’s Rematch With The Devil

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Russell Crowe is back fighting the devil but this time he isn’t riding a little vespa, a shame indeed.

I like that Russell Crowe is trying to move into horror and I hope he does it more, the genre suits him. When I first saw a poster for this film I thought it was a sequel to his Vespa riding adventure from either last year or the year before, sadly it isn’t.

The idea of an actor in a possession film becoming possessed is a fairly novel idea, at least on paper, I can’t say I have seen it before and I have seen a lot of possession films. However, it is in execution that this film falls apart, in three key ways.

Firstly it has a very prominent child abuse sub plot and for me personally this was a bit needlessly unpleasant, it made me feel uncomfortable every time and whilst I can understand from a character motivation point of view why they included it to explain Crowe’s characters negative feelings I feel it went on for a bit too long. Moreover, I question haven’t we had enough horror films that reference the abuse of the Catholic Church, what happened was pure evil but do we still need to be fixating on it when so many other films have already covered it?

Secondly, the film makes Crowe a deadbeat dad to give him the twin issues of the possession and his substance abuse, from a character point of view you can see why they did it. However, what it leads to is a very annoying bratty teen/young adult character, Ryan Simpkins, who you just don’t care about. This teen character is the main character of the film she is the one being targeted by the possessed Crowe you are supposed to like her and yet you don’t. Chloe Bailey should have been the lead with it telling two stories of two actors in this film and how the possession effects the film rather than doing the father daughter thing.

Thirdly, this film in terms of horror just repeats the same beats over and over again, none of it is new, nothing is something you haven’t seen before. It takes what could have been a good idea and then just wastes it by filling it with junk.

Overall, this film is below average possession fare, there is much better out there.

1.5/5

Pros.

Crowe is trying his best

It is a good premise

Cons.

The child abuse stuff is too full on

It is the same old same old

The daughter is irritating and hard to warm towards

It has pacing issues

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It Lives Inside: Roots Of The Past Follow And Consume

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Samhinda, Megan Suri, is punished for shunning the ways of her parents.

I was excited for this film, frankly I am quite bored of the bevy of overtly Christian horror films and I thought that a film that relies upon a different sets of religious and cultural practices could be quite fresh and really say something new in the scene. Sadly Blumhouse made this and not someone better.

I think the demon is the most interesting part of the film, the idea of it keeping its victims alive and torturing them is novel when viewed through the eyes of the traditional possession story. I also thought the ending wherein Samhinda allows the demon to possess her but rather than this be bad as in say The Exorcist she instead traps it and controls it inside of her was interesting and I wish they had done more with it. If I were to recut this film I would add ten minutes onto the end of it so we could see more about how Samhinda and the trapped demon interact, but the film has no time for that.

Instead the film wastes its time with a YA love story because of course it does, this is a hallmark of Blumhouse fare especially when it features teen characters it has to spend about a quarter of its runtime away from the main action following around some doe eyed kids until one of them dies. Boring, stop it. I think the relationship between Samhinda and her mum, Neeru Bajwa, is way more compelling but it doesn’t get anywhere near the same screen time bar a few scenes at the end. I think Bajwa’s character was done an injustice as there was a lot to explore there: she didn’t want to come to the US, she wasn’t adjusting well, this film could have tried to dig into those feelings a bit more and had something of substance to say but no we need another teenage romance subplot.

Overall, there are good bones here and it could have been fresh, new and welcome but it falls into the same holes as a lot of Blumhouse more teen orientated fare and as such is lesser.

2/5

The mum daughter relationship

The demon and the lore

Cons.

The romance subplot

It wastes a lot of the first act

The mother’s character outside of her listening and advising her daughter is largely overlooked

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The Exorcist Believer: Perhapes The Worst Legacy Sequel Ever Made

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Blumhouse doesn’t have enough original ideas so needs to ruin a horror classic.

I liked Halloween Ends, that was an incredibly controversial statement once upon a time, but I absolutely hated Halloween Kills and you best believe me that this is far more of the latter than the former.

I think that David Gordon Green is a hack horror director, he can’t seem to come up with anything new or interesting to say so instead says: ‘what has been in the news’ and forces that in in some contrived way. This is no different.

There was potential for this film to be like the recent Scream films in bringing back the original actors, those who are still alive, and mix in some new faces to try and shake things up. However, here they bring back the mother from the original film, Ellen Burstyn, for exposition and to be like see remember her, they give her nothing to do she isn’t there for the actual Exorcism and she has one line that ruins both this film and the original, she says she was not allowed in the room when Regan, Linda Blair, was being exorcised. This line almost made me get up and leave, it is the most lazy trash I have ever seen so in a contrived effort to be like we are cool and progressive we hate the patriarchy, despite being a group of male writers, they force this in. In the first film Karris, Jason Alexander, literally dies to save her daughter you would think she would be a bit more grateful for that, but no a dumb men bad comment. Again the lack of diversity in the writing pool makes these comment seem almost like they are trying to cover themselves.

Finally, the actual exorcism scene itself, because the standard stuff with the priests probably isn’t PC anymore, they have multiple different faiths all working together, is the message well enough down your throat yet? Personally, I wouldn’t have minded this approach if they did something with it, I agree that the standard priest or demonologist cleansing the unclean spirits out of the girl is a little done to death, but here again it just feels like they are ticking a box, it feels like diversity for the sake of it rather than for a valid reason which is never good.

Overall, this film made me angry, it made me dislike Blumhouse, David Gordon Green, and just the state of modern Hollywood where reaffirming a certain political viewpoint is more important than actually making a good film. Hopefully, now that Gordon Green has left they can actually get in a talented writer to do something better than this. A good example of a possession series that has an interesting an evolving story throughout a trilogy is the Hell House LLC films so check those out and give this a miss.

1/5

Pros.

A good twist ending

Cons.

It brings characters back for the sake of cheap nostalgia

It is lazy

It cares more about its message then actually being good

It ruins the original

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Talk To Me: Holding Hands Made Somewhat Scary

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A group of Australian teens start playing with a hand and seeing dead people.

This review might be slightly controversial as this film seemed to be liked by a lot of people, but maybe this is Midsommer all over again. I think, and pardon me if this seems a little pretentious, that for a casual horror fan or the mainstream audience this may seem new and fresh, yet for someone who is an obsessive on the genre this felt a little stale to me.

The urban isolation, the corrupting influence of the dead, the fact that the lead, played by Sophie Wilde, just wanted to see her mum again have all been done before. The twists and turns of the film weren’t surprising to me it has been done and done better before.

The violence in the film is visually shocking and does create an impact when you see it, but even then again if you are going into this film as a gore hound wanting to see some gnarly sites then outside of one or two moments your blood lust won’t be fulfilled here.

Overall a fine film, not good or bad just average, if you are less familiar with horror and less familiar with A24 then you will enjoy this film more than I did but if you aren’t then you will see this film is just a retread.

2.5/5

Pros.

It is watchable

The violence is done well

It is relatively short

Cons.

It is predictable

Been there and done that in the extreme

It does not surprise you

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Insidious The Red Door: Ignoring The Most Interesting Parts Of Your Franchise

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The seeming finale of the Insidious franchise goes out with a whimper.

This film had been billed by its trailers as a film that was finally going to have the human characters go into the Further and get answers for all that has happened to them, we as a viewing audience were finally going to get to find out more about how it all worked and learn more of the mythology behind the series. However, clearly there was a massive disconnect between the people who cut the trailer and the creatives behind the film itself. The actual amount of time spent in the Further was probably less than across the whole series combined, instead we got an angsty story about a father and son relationship, neither of whom you particularly care about.

The sort of schmaltzy vibe that this film tries to hit would not be so out of place in Wilson’s other horror franchise The Conjuring where the character relationships especially between Wilson’s character and his on screen wife, played by Vera Farmiga, play a big role. Whereas here we don’t care the Insidious franchise has never really dived into this sort of thing before and as such it feels out of place, it feels as though the original creatives were too busy to give this a proper end so Sony just hired their second or maybe even third choice and said, ‘go for it’.

Again there is no effort made here for scares or to be scary, because despite being part of a horror franchise this film is only really concerned with addressing broken family dynamics.

Overall, a disappointing film that is bound to leave a bad taste in many fan’s mouths.

1.5/5

Pros.

Wilson gives a good performance

It is mercifully short

Cons.

Byrne is wasted

The Lin Shaye tie in feels incredibly cheap

It feels as though no thought was put into this at all

It is incredibly disappointing

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