The Substance: The Next Phase Of Ozempic

Summary

An aging celebrity uses the latest beauty fad to stay young and it goes horribly wrong.

I went into this expecting it to be more abstract, however, it is not. In fact it is very in your face with its point in a way you could call hamfisted. Although, I have to say though it was so upfront it never became unpleasant or groan worthy as other films might do. The scene where Elisabeth, Demi Moore, is told that at fifty it stops whilst the man, Dennis Quaid, she is sat across from discards and eats prawns in a disgusting manner is very effective.

In many senses this film reminds me of Garland’s second to last entry Men. By this I mean that about two thirds of it are golden, until the final transformation The Substance is firing on all cylinders it is sharp and witty and is very good at making a stylised point. However, then you get into the final third and things start to fall apart, as things simply move into gross out territory the point is lost and it just becomes a gore fest. I can understand why the film did this as it needs to build to something but it means that the ending just feels like spectacle rather than substance, pardon the pun, and it lessens the wider product.

Whilst I wouldn’t call it scary I do think that the body horror is quite effectively used and there were a few moments of wincing throughout.

Overall, it would have been better if It had a more understated ending but the film as a whole is still very effective

4/5

Pros.

It is effective

It has something to say

Moore and Qualley

The body horror

Cons.

The ending

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Alien Romulus: Cheering On The Alien

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The Alien franchise is dead, don’t let anyone tell you any different.

So before we get into everything wrong with this film, and there is a lot, we will talk about the three things I liked. Firstly, I enjoyed the connections to Prometheus it was neat to have it and to have a direct tie between the prequel films and the later Ripley, Sigourney Weaver films, though it would have been better if David, Michael Fassbender, had appeared. Secondly, I liked that they brought back the science officer from the first film that was an interesting and plot relevant cameo. Thirdly, the final monster was very well designed and looked both alien and frightening.

Now with that out of the way lets get into why this film isn’t good. The main and most glaring reason why this film is bad is because the entire cast beyond David Jonsson’s Andy and Isabela Merced are awful people and entirely unlikeable. So Andy is a Synthetic and the film seems to use that as a stand in for someone with mental disabilities in a sickening way. The opening sections of the film have Andy being beaten up for being different, being told he is lesser than by the other crew members and being told by his sister, Cailee Spaeny, that he is going to be left behind when she wants to start a new life. The poor guy even apologizes to his sister for being a burden it is really hard to watch. The way the entire cast of characters bar Merced’s treat Andy as though he is just something to be used and discarded is a really horrible comment on how vulnerable people are treated by some. The film has Spaeny’s lead realise that she should treat him better by the end, but it doesn’t change the fact that you start rooting for the alien and kill them all. To make matters more uncomfortable you also have the fact that Andy is a POC and his whole purpose in life is to service a white lady. No one, at Disney, at Fox, anywhere thought how did that look.

The film also goes out of its way to make the Xenomorph weaker and easier to beat, it uses the mud trick from Predator in a different way and has the lead just shoot a whole mess of them that just charge her for no good reason in zero gravity. They are supposed to be smart and super hard to kill but our lead kills about 12 of them in under 5 minutes. This also drops the threat level of the film as a whole and is not made up for with Human/Engineer hybrid at the end, which whilst scary is too little too late.

Overall, a disappointment that leaves a poor taste after watching it.

1/5

Pros.

Prometheus ties

Bringing back the science officer

Cons.

The characters are horrible and one dimensional

They treat the synthetic guy in a cruel and nasty way and it is hard to watch

There is some vague racist undertones to it

It makes the xenomorph non-threatening

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Alien: A Crumbling Classic

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

One of the supposed greats struggles to hold up.

I have not watched the original Alien in years, since I was a little kid, and upon watching it now I began to notice some issues with it. I know many people consider this a classic, but it has a brutal first act, the first thirty minutes where nothing much happens beyond they discuss pay disputes and begin to set out on a rescue mission is brutally slow.

I enjoy and appreciate the aesthetic of this film, be it the very Seventies esque futuristic tech, or the very gothic inspired cinematography, however, I think the pacing is just too much. Once the alien arrives things start to pick up, and yes I know that the franchise needs the first thirty minutes to set up world and history and what not, but it doesn’t help how dry it is.

Ripley, Sigourney Weaver, is still one of the best heroines of all time and when it is her facing down the alien we are back on stride, though it must be said that none of the characters other than her, and that’s including John hurt’s character, have very much to do at all are fairly one dimensional.

Overall, perhaps its modern pacing that has made me unable to cope with the first act of this film, but whilst what comes later is good, the opening is incredibly off putting in terms of pace.

3/5

Pros.

The ending

Weaver

The look of the film

Cons.

The first act

Some one dimensional characters

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Raw: A Different Side To University Hazing

4.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A young vegetarian medical student, played by Garance Marillier, develops a taste for human flesh after eating part of a rabbit during the hazing process at her university.

I think in so many ways this film is a triumph, I enjoy that it is not fully a horror film as even until the end there are also dark comedy aspects to the film that made me laugh. However, when viewing this film as a horror film it certainly falls within body horror more than any other genre, though an argument could be made for psychological horror as well I suppose. I think when considering this film as a body horror film it feels like a modern update to the early work of David Cronenberg, with a slight tinge of Eastern influence as well. I think if gore is not your thing then definitely give this one a miss, although I would say the gore never crosses the line into gross out territory.

Additionally, I thought that Marillier was a breath of fresh air in this film, feeling both deeply relatable in terms of her university experience, bar the cannibalism, but also somehow ethereal and myth like. I think you would be hard pressed to not like any of the characters here as they are all fairly easy to warm to.

Overall, a fabulous film.

Pros.

Marillier

The body horror

The relatability, feeling both real and fantastical at the same time

The ending

The dark comedy

Cons.

Some slight pacing issues

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American Horror Stories: Facelift

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

An ageing woman, played by Judith Light, becomes obsessed with the idea of plastic surgery, however after she gets it she learns to be careful what you wish for.

This certainly wasn’t a new concept, I think I have seen it done at least a dozen times before. However, what I will give this credit for is that it is one of the first times American Horror Story or indeed American Horror Stories has really dived into the realm of body horror. I think for the most part they manage to competently scratch at the surface of this rich sub-genre but don’t go as far as you would like them too.

I can’t give this episode higher as really it is just so predictable. Everything that happens has been signposted every step of the way and this episode can’t shock you for the life of it. I found the ending to be sad but altogether obvious. The acting also wasn’t anything to write home about.

Overall, it is nice to see the AHS universe consider body horror, however, this was rather shallow and trite and could be bettered in a number of obvious ways.

Pros.

AHS taking on body horror

It is watchable

Some gnarly visuals

Cons.

It was incredibly predictable

I feel like I’ve seen it done much better before

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Crimes Of The Future: Where We Are All Heading

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

In a future where humans are evolving to eat plastic, a war is being fought over what makes someone human as well as notions around monstrosity.

Honestly this film will not be for a lot of people. I myself had a fair amount of issues with it such as: it was far too long, it sometimes came across as pretentious and smug and thought it was a bit more intelligent than it actually is, and of course there is a scene where you see a child’s penis. No scene in any film should show a nude child, just no.

However, despite that opening painting a rather damning picture, I don’t think this film is all bad and I do think that there are some trace amounts of greatness in here. In many ways this can be seen as a traditional Cronenberg film, or certainly as the director returning to his roots. The body horror aspects are all very inspired and well done and as such the film stands out in the modern horror landscape, however, there are a few times wherein the gore and the viscera became a little too much for me; what can I say I don’t like live surgery scenes and there are a lot of them here.

Moreover, I think the performances across the board were also terrific. This is highlighted with gusto by a very game Viggo Mortensen and a surprisingly unsettling Kristen Stewart. I think that the characters and world created are so intriguing that it allows the film to get away with some of its worse sins. I also really enjoyed the originality of the premise as I felt like I hadn’t seen this before.

Overall, very much a film made for a niche audience, but one you should experience for yourself all the same.

Pros.

The performances

The world

The premise

Cons.

It is too long and at times overly pretentious

Showing child nudity

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Titane: Pushing The Boundaries Of Bad Taste

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A young woman, played by Agathe Rousselle, goes on a killing spree and has sex with cars.

Clearly the director of this film has been having some conversations with Ti West and is being taught in the school of being edgy in a horror film for the sake of shock value. Within the first ten minutes of this film you have a car accident, a protracted surgery scene, a scene were a young girl passionately embraces a car, then a cut to when she is an adult and an almost rape scene. Yes, all of that did almost make me turn the film off, but no I decided to stick with it and believe me it got worse.

The car sex scene that happens again fairly early into the film is entirely needless. I am no prude but this scene is just unnecessary, it is too long, too graphic and too fetishized. If it were used in a film by a male director it would be labelled problematic and never allowed to see the light of day.

Furthermore as the film progresses it begins to deal with ideas around gender, now there could be something of merit here if the film had something intelligent to say with it, but no, it is just used as a gimmick to try and seem trendy.

Overall, I don’t really know what more to say, don’t watch it.

Pros.

It is short

Cons.

It is needless in almost everyway

It tries too hard to be edgy

It does nothing interesting with the ideas around gender

It is unpleasant and depressing to watch

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Sacrifice: The Truth About The American Tourist

Sacrifice is a horror film directed by Andy Collier and Toor Mian. The plot sees Issac (Ludovic Hughes), and his pregnant girlfriend Emma (Sophie Stevens), venture to a remote Norwegian island to collect an inheritance after Issacs’s Mum dies. However, once they get there they start to realise that there is something sinister afoot.

I will give this film props for two things. Firstly, it perfectly captures everything wrong with the American tourist, assuming everyone who is not from the USA doesn’t speak English and then talking slower and louder to them, whilst also thinking that non-American customs are freaky and are something to be feared. It is funny to see an American film tell it like it is, in some cases, rather than try and pretend they aren’t like that.

The second thing I will commend this film for is Barbara Crampton. She is the standout performer here, though that isn’t hard, and completely excels as the town sheriff/ cult leader. She has moments of threat and menace and also moments when you warm to her slightly.

However, other than Crampton and honesty, this film has little else going for it and is bad. The film is painfully dull, and a lot of the runtime is devoted to just watching the main couple argue, and it goes on and on. When we aren’t being subjected to needlessly petty domestic squabbles, we are treated to a forced elder gods Lovecraft rip off storyline that feels like it comes out of nowhere and then ends abruptly.

Overall, don’t waste your time, let me waste my time for you. This film is poor, the same exact idea has been done before and has been done far, far better.

Pros.

The truth about the American tourist

Barbara Crampton

Cons.

It is dull

It is just a couple arguing for most of the runtime

The elder gods/ monster stuff just comes out of nowhere and is no way developed

It is not scary in anyway

1/5

Reviewed by Luke

American Mary: The Horrors Of Body Modification

American Mary is a Canadian horror film directed by the Soska Sisters. The plot follows young surgeon Mary (Katherine Isabelle), who turns to performing extreme body modification surgery as a side hustle to make extra money.

This feels very much more exploitation esque than The Sisters other work, before or after, and as a result it feels harder to swallow. The premise is basically a rape revenge film, though done through a slightly different lens.

Your enjoyment of this film will come down to how squeamish you are, if you can stand live surgery and enjoy seeing people sliced into and stuff like that then you will enjoy it, as it is a very engaging watch. However, if you fall into the other side and find such subject matter hard to watch then you will be put off. I fall into the latter category.

Katherine Isabelle is a strong lead, we buy her turn to the dark side, even as it extends beyond torturing her attacker. Even though she arguably lives long enough to be the villain of her own story, she is still very rootable and crucially she is fascinating to watch develop and go on that journey.

Overall, there is a lot of good here, but because I can’t stand live surgery and that sort of subject matter I was off put, but that is a personal preference on my part. If you that doesn’t bother you and you like grindhouse exploitation style films then you will enjoy this too

Pros.

Katherine Isabelle

An interesting character arc

Darkly funny

Cons.

It is hard to watch

The subject matter will be divisive to some

3/5

Reviewed by Luke

Rabid: Beauty Has A Price

Rabid is a horror film directed by The Soska Sisters, based on the 1977 David Cronenberg film of the same name. The plot sees fashion designer wannabe Rose (Laura Vandervoort), get into a grisly car accident. With the very likely future of being disfigured for life, Rose decides to undergo experimental cutting-edge surgery that can supposedly repair her face; it also turns her into a monster with a taste for human flesh, but hey every medical treatment has side effects.

It was a little surreal to watch a film about a viral outbreak, even if it was a different kind of virus; rabies. I have been a huge fan of the Soska Sisters since they started out, they are incredibly talented and remaking Cronenberg is no easy task, however I do believe they manage to not only match the man himself but exceed him in a few ways.

Firstly, and most importantly for a Cronenberg film/ in this case a remake, the body horror. This film is a little light on that, not in a bad way though, because the few times this film does have some quality body horror it is used to great effect. Such as the scene at the end of the film when Rose is trapped in the room with the mad scientists technically, but not really, dead wife, in this scene we get to see the scale of monstrosity we would expect from such a film and it is haunting.

I thought that Vandervoort was exceptional in the lead role, this is due to the fact that you really buy her emotion and her sadness after the crash. The desperation that leads her to undergo risky experimental surgery is real and plain to see. Even when the more malicious side of her comes out later in the film, she is constantly shown fighting against her darker half and is a hero until the end.

My one complaint of the film would be that I would have liked to see the Sisters themselves more, they’re great actors and after recently watching Dead Hooker In The Trunk I would have loved to see them have bigger parts, maybe next time.

Overall, this film easily manages to live up to Cronenberg, which is the highest form of praise a film can get, great horror and very watchable; check it out!

Pros.

Sparing use of body horror.

Laura Vandervoort.

Well written.

It lives up to the original.

Con.

I would have liked to see The Sisters themselves play a larger role.

The ending was a bit too open ended for me.

4/5

Reviewed by Luke